The Guily Ones

The New Me

Too shocked by what had just happened, I could only stare at him with wide eyes. Or, more precisely, at his scorched arm peeking through a burnt hole in his sports jacket, already beginning to heal.

Eric's teeth flashed, and he growled.

Had I thought he was dangerous before? Ha! At that moment, I realized how wrong I had been. Not even back in the elevator had I been as terrified of him as I was now.

Before I knew what was happening, Eric's fingers were around my throat, and my feet were dangling in the air.

"What. Are. You."

With each word, the pressure on my throat increased, and I was shaken. My desperate attempts to free myself from his grip failed.

"No... air!"

Black spots began to dance before my eyes in sync with my panicked heartbeat.

Come on, body, burn him again! I pleaded. However, my body didn't seem to understand what I was talking about, as I kicked my feet in a more than pathetic attempt to hurt Eric. I closed my eyes, struggled, and tried to concentrate, but all that happened was Eric's grip tightening even more.

Well, this is it, then.

My last thoughts went to all those who had influenced my life...

 Sookie, Sam, and Lafayette. Even Tara. I thought of my recent past, which I had tried so hard to keep hidden. My colorful past and my time as a somewhat shady hacker who helped the crew who had robbed bank vaults. I even thought of James and his ditzy girlfriend because of whom a security guard had lost his life during one of our heists. I had been afraid to leave the house afterward. I thought of other moments when I had been scared, often of James, against whom only one person had ever been able to protect me over the years.

And so, in my final moments, I allowed myself the pain and despair I had so carefully held back and thought of Tom.

The images began to flow through my mind like a freshly opened spring. Held back for too long, they burst forth and shone with new brilliance: How he would throw his head back and laugh deeply and heartily when he was happy. How his hair, always a bit too long, would fall over his eyes. The way he would hold me from behind when I was feeling down, so I could lean against his solid chest and breathe again while he whispered in my ear, "Do you know how much I love you?" as he laid his head in the cool space between my shoulder and neck.

For a moment, probably my last anyway, I allowed my carefully built walls to completely crumble and felt everything. The anger, the grief, the love, the helplessness, and the pain. Knowing I would not have to carry the pain with me any longer, I started to feel... happy. 

Soon, I'll be with you again, Tom!

Breathless, more feelings came to the surface. Jealousy, envy, pride.

Are these mine?

Arrogance, loyalty, calm...

A tear escaped the corner of my eye as the dull thumping of my heartbeat grew louder in my ears, while the rest of the world faded into a deep fog. My tear dropped heavily onto my gray hoodie as the door burst open.

"Let her go now."

I landed roughly on my knees and started gasping and coughing. Fresh oxygen flooded my lungs, dispelling the dancing spots before my eyes. I heard muffled arguing, but I couldn't focus enough to identify the people or understand their conversation. My ears rang, and the world tilted. I coughed and coughed, but my throat was crushed and raw. It felt like it had been crushed and now was too small to let enough oxygen enter. Once my vision cleared enough, I was surprised to see a familiar face standing opposite Eric in the doorway.