The Unexpected Love

Ch 14- Isabella

  I jerked up from yet another nightmare, my face felt cold even as the beads of sweat trickled down my neck. I sucked in a breath after I don't know how long as my brain finally registered my room. The blurriness started to disappear and those terrifying eyes mixed into the fog and I could finally see the room clearly, well the dark room that is. I let out a shuddering breath that travelled through my spine over my goosebumps again.

I was starting to get more relaxed over the last year, coming in terms with things and while the nightmares persisted but they had become less frequent, but the incident in that bar brought up everything back again.

I threw my head back, resting it on the headboard as I stared at the ceiling. I didn't want to talk to mom or dad about this. I know the more I would, the more difficult it'll be for dad to let the peace with Camorra go untouched. Mom had been kidnapped too; I don't want to pressure her with my problems while she might be struggling by her own. These demons were mine to fight, I wasn't kid anymore.

I shivered as I remembered that day. Both of those days. Safety was luxury even we couldn't be sure of. I picked up a pillow and buried my face into it as frustration bubbled over and I let out a muffled scream.

Why can't this just end, everyone has seen some horror, Dad has way harder experience to it. I didn't know seeing death so up close would change me so much. Death, it has blue eyes apparently.

Alessio coming here that had been tearing at me since then. Even my subconscious was confused by him, some times he was in there, same terrifying presence, other times he was the one saving me.

That was the best description of him, he was both my end and the one to save me from it. No, he wouldn't save me. That day was probably out of duty, if anyone knew that he was there when those guys raped me or tried to, and he didn't do anything, it would definitely cause problems. It was a logical thing to do. For our truce. For peace.

But the days after that are truly unexplainable, and now his drunken visit. It daunts me to be with him, not in a way you'd feel in front of a danger but the way you'd feel when you're stepping into an unknown place. It felt like walking into some unfamiliar lair, into the darkness not knowing what may lie ahead. All the voices, sane and insane, calm and fearful, logical and irrational, all of them mingling into an incoherent whisper and even you wouldn't be sure if the curiosity will take hold of you or fear but then you hear something slightly comforting, familiar, and you let it consume you until you stop hearing those voices all together.

That was exactly how everything felt right now, that's how it felt being with him. Every second of his presence is unnerving, eerie, confusing and surreal. I knew the later two offered me comfort, I think some twisted part of me was comforted by the former two too.

Maybe this is some sort of coping mechanism, I am sure my reading has been one to an extent, but this one is definitely not a healthy one. I know if I give it a chance it'll wreck a havoc inside me, it has a chance to leave me broken to no avail, but some twisted, damaged part of me will go there again anyway. Is this self-harm? Avoidance? Some kind of maladaptive behaviour? Maybe.

I sighed, all I knew I could stop the unwanted emotions when he was here, distract myself from them. It was dangerous thing. Or maybe I could take it out on him? He deserves it and with this irresponsible visit, I'd say more than ever.

As the pictures of the day and sounds of bullets tore through my brain, I focussed on my encounter with Alessio, seeking solace in that strangeness.

I shook my head, not him, he can't be my retrieve, for once he is one of the reasons I need one at all. I got out of the bed and headed over to the library, even that word now held a memory of him. Just few days, how can this happen, why did I let it happen. He was supposed to a buried past, nothing more. I wanted to break something, probably his face which kept appearing every other minute.