The Mercury lounge was a classy venue with small, linen clothed tables adorned with place settings of fine silver wrapped in napkins and bone China, each table spread respectfully apart to afford privacy to each party. The soft glow of the house lights made everyone look like they had stepped out of a Glamour Shot. Even the house bar selections were top shelf with not a single wine under 90 points, and the menu was crafted by a former five-star hotel sous-chef. The intimate stage was a simple set of oak wood, a single straight back chair with a top-of-the-line rosewood and spruce guitar that had a maple wood fingerboard which produced a warm sound. A single penlight illuminated the empty stage.
Randy felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Alias with long blonde hair wearing a vibrant short sleeved rose-colored dress with a shirttail hem accentuated by turquoise beads. Over her shoulders was draped a Navaho patterned denim jacket.
"You came," she said with a smile. "I saved a table up front. You are my special guest of honor."
Randy smiled and gave her a hug/pat on the back. She looked fantastic but she was so wholesome it felt like ogling a sister. Alias looked down and noticed his guitar case on the floor.
"You play?" she asked hopefully. Randy was beginning to think that this was a bad idea. He had no idea how good she was and he certainly didn't want to outshine her at her own show. "We must play a duet!" she squealed gleefully. A thin man dressed formally approached the microphone on the stage and tapped it twice to ensure it was working.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Mercury Lounge is proud to present the musical stylings of Ms. Southern Bella!"
As Alias/Southern Bella took the stage the respectable tax paying patrons stood giving her a rigorous yet polite round of applause. She covered several other artist's songs from Carrie Underwood's "Mama's song" to Miranda Lambert's "Keeper of the Flame", and some golden oldies including Patti Page's "Tennessee Waltz" and "Allegheny Moon." She was actually very good, record contract good or at least music competition worthy. Randy was enjoying the show, but he was a little disappointed because she was nothing like the girl he imagined in the tight black leather skirts she wore some days or the willowy Earth Child on others. Randy considered slipping out after intermission saying he needed to study for a test which probably wouldn't play well because everyone knew Randy never studied. It had been confirmed in all of the magazine interviews. Still it was early and he might be able to catch up with some other hottie in his iPhone contacts if he didn't wait much longer. Southern Bella took a bow after her first set and stood at the mic looking down at Randy.
"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a treat tonight. My special guest: a man who needs no introduction, the one and only Randy!"
A spotlight found Randy's table. So much for discretely leaving, he thought. A polite applause filled the room from those who were aware of his celebrity but also much shorter than for Bella from those familiar with his notoriety. Alias was motioning him up on the stage. Randy shook his head back and forth slouching in his chair.
"Come on!" she whispered covering the mic. "You brought your guitar! Let's put it to use."
Randy wasn't shy and not one to disappoint fans so he hopped on the stage and took a bow.
"Do you know If I Needed You?" she asked. Randy had a photographic memory. He was familiar with the popular Emmy Lou Harris and Don Williams classic by the late, great Townes Van Zandt. Southern Bella started and Randy jumped in once he had a feel for her pitch and rhythm. They truly were electrifying on stage. Bella (Alias) sang from her heart as if she and Randy had known each other a lifetime. It was a bittersweet song which received a standing ovation. Randy pecked her on the cheek on the last chords and jumped off the stage. He'd made her night. Time to go.
"I Knew You Were the One!" came a shout from the crowd followed by a round of applause. A pen light found Randy's table again as he packed up his guitar. He had never heard of that song. It must have been some original material. Not to be impolite, he sat back down and nodded.
"Yes, I knew you were the one," he said to Bella/Ali, and she gushed turning red and placed a hand over her heart as if he were making a statement rather than a song request. The first delicate strains of romantic chords filled the air.
From across the room
You made me swoon
The look in your eyes
Made my spirits rise
I would have rushed to your side
But my soaring pride
Cautioned me, it was too soon.
Was she singing to him? Randy felt approving eyes fall on his back from the women in the audience and sensed scowls from the father figures as Bella continued to serenade him.
Before you even spoke
My heart awoke
To the sound of ours beating
Together!
I knew you were the one
Before I even
knew your name.
Wait. Did she just suggest I'm her soulmate? Randy panicked. Maybe he should thank her for a wonderful evening and the invite but feign a prior engagement and leave quickly. Girls like Alias could be a lot of fun for a few days, but ultimately, they could turn into months of angst and a potential lifetime of regret once it ended. It was best to keep smiling but slowly back towards the door when confronted by the commitment kind. She finished the song singing directly to Randy:
No matter how the years
cause us change
I know we'll both
always feel the same.
I knew you were the one
Before I even
knew your name.
The audience gave a standing ovation cheering "Bravo!" It really was a sweet and catchy song if not exactly Randy's type of music. He helped Bella down off the stage.
"That was fantastic, Alias!" he gushed a little too enthusiastically.
She looked quizzically at him. "Who is this Alias? Why do you keep calling me that? I'm Southern Bella."
This was getting downright weird.
"Hey I'd love to stay, but it I've got ... a test to study for on Monday! And it is after eleven," he started hedging. Bella looked at him blankly and then bent over grabbing her head as if in pain.
"Are you OK?" asked Randy. He could feel the waves of guilt rising as he thought about dumping her for the evening. Great. Judgement had already started setting in and they hadn't even been on a real date.
"After – eleven. Midnight's approaching. I – I need to be somewhere. No, not that place!" came a frightened cry with wide eyes that quickly shut tight. Randy went to catch her in case she fainted, but she pushed him away.
"Yes, that place, candy-ass!" Randy wasn't sure if she was talking to him or herself. Her vocal inflection and demeanor were rapidly morphing into something quite different than her stage persona. When she opened her eyes, some sort of transformation seemed to be complete. "Time to fast track to the Rat Trap! Hey, Ken doll, you mobile? Got V-8?"
Randy nodded. She waited impatiently for some movement, and when he continued to stare she slapped him on the ass.
"Got sugar in your shoes, light-in-your-loafers? Let's go! I hope it's a car and not a skateboard," she added with a defiant shove. Randy grabbed her hand and they left out the side door exit. They headed for Randy's Prius as the locks flipped and the lights chirped from his key fob activation.
"Jesus Christ! I would have preferred a skateboard," she said hopping into the passenger seat. Alias immediately turned the rear-view mirror on herself and screamed in shock:
"WHAT THE FUCK AM I WEARING?"
YOU ARE READING
I don't know where this ends, but I think I'll keep going
HumorFor fans of Jason Pargin AKA David Wong, Jack Townsend, and that weird kid who talks shit which no one listens to but won't stop talking about online while hating on him. The world has sunk lower than a stripper ant who can pick up crumbs bent over...
