As Easy As Murder

26. sleet and love

"Bishop, get up." 

Loretta nudges Bishop with her foot, who is sprawled out like a starfish across the floor, feigning deceased. 

Jesse and his loverboy are committing cannibalism against each other's lips, leaving the rest of us to congregate in a safety circle like we always do without one of the group at parties. 

That's right, I'm at another party. 

I didn't want to go. Unfortunatly, my exhaustion proved not a good enough reason for these morons, and I was still dragged along with them to yet another party I don't know the host of, this one at some random highrise that belongs to someone's parent. 

There are floor to ceiling glass windows revealing the setting sun, the pink and orange tones fading into marble flooring, everything having a slight shine to it, a reflection. The furniture is all sleek and and modern, no homeyness, no personality, just perfectly dusted coffee tables and couches without things in the cushions. 

Bishop has still neglected to get up, and I'm leaning against the wall, my skin-tight dress, the one I bought at the boutqiue that day,  proving a bad choice for the cold night, my arm having developed goose bumps from the chill of the night, the cold hard surfaces making the aparrtment extra cold, and the fireplace is but LED. 

It's a christmas party, it Is december 19th afterall, another break begins soon. Most girls are in red. Santa hats as far as the eye can see, a lot of the guests having worn the classic costume from mean girls, but a couple dozen opting for simple solid colored garments. Rap remixes of christmas Carol's play on speakers, not one of them any good. 

Loretta gives bishop another nudge, "Get up or we're gonna have issues." 

Bishop groans, "You're an issue." 

Vicky sighs, and it's for the first time tonight that I truly take in what she's wearing, her outfit an explosion of neon, like she got caught in the festival of colors on her way here, body glitter rolled on almost every inch of her, the look completed by yellow false eyelashes. 

She has a bad case of the colors. 

Vera is off in the corner on the phone with her boyfriend, who we're hoping isn't a repeat of Janey's situation. Vera refuses to talk about him, we don't even know the guys name, just that he's 'not a murderer.'

Jesse practically floats back over to his, hearts essentiallly visibly around his head. He twirls over to us, singing like sleeping beauty, "Ooooooooooo, I have a prince charming, and he is very hot, oooooooh, I have a prince charming, and all of you do notttttttt." 

We all just blink at him. Loretta rolls her eyes, "Don't brag yourself to death there, buddy." 

Bishop finally stands up, hair lopsided, missing a false eyelash, lipstick smeared. She has had better days. 

The atmosphere of the party is upbeat, red solo cups a dime a dozen, many differnt styles of clothing making themselves known across bodies of all sizes, joy radiating through the air. I think about what Cheryl said that one day about enjoying your youth. 

These are the day's I'll miss. 

And, even with all the time I've spent hating him, I want to spend them with Kori.

If only I had the guts to tell him. 

"Shoot," I hear Jesse say, and he grabs my arm, looking at his phone with panic. "We gotta go." 

"Huh?" I look at the screen. 

"I just got word that your ex is here." 

I feel like I've been punched in the stomach, the words making in incision, my guts spilling out all over the floor of the party, flowing out of me, the air in my lungs depleting like deflating balloons. I feel clammy, and I want to back myself into a corner and use people as a wall. 

"Oh." Is all I can muster. 

Loretta is already pacing in anger, smacking her fist into her hand, anger shooting out of her and hitting everyone, her facial expression saying all the swear words she's holding back, the heels of her stilletos digging into marble. 

I sigh, looking over the crowd. "Are you sure?" 

He nodded, "Pretty certain. Janey's on the balcony  and she says she sees him. You wanna leave?"

Before I know what I'm doing, I shake my head, "No, I'll just stay clear of him. Enjoy yourselves." 

They press the issue and badger me for a couple minutes until I finally shake them off. I wait until they're back into the mix of people and excitment, then I back out, suddenly hyper aware of everyone around me, the room having shrunk in size and become claustrophobic. My lips are scarred from me gnawing them all the time, but that doesn't stop me. 

I find a window seat, sitting down. People are crowded around, giving me a sheild to hide behind. I scan the room, finding some live drama to take my mind off of the shark lingering amongst all these fish, the wolf amongst the dogs. 


I see two drunken guys, and zone into their conversation. 

"Dude....I gotta...tell you somethin'." 
"Are you gonna throw up?" 
"Nah..nah...not that...bro, I think I love you, man." 
"I love you too, dude. You're a really great friend." 
"Nah, nah, like...like I love you." 
"Oh." 

Someone get me some popcorn, I found a love confession. I look down my knees, my scar mostly healed, courtouesy of Loretta yelling, "FlEE THE KNEE' everytime she caught me picking at it. 

I look out at the cityscape, skyscraps looking like they could reach the sky, people appearing as small as aunts, the night never quiet in New York, yet peaceful. The bustling sounds have become comforting, the sounds of life, the sounds of people, reminding me that I'm not alone. I don't miss the silence of the suburbs. There's always someone there to look at, little umbrellas passing by your window, reminding you that we're all here not knowing what the hell we're doing. 

Kori's eyes flash in my head and I look down, contemplating the gravity of it all, preparing myself, convincing, arguing, bargaining. 

Part of me wants to knock on the door of his dorm and just jump into his arms, and the other half just wants to push him as far away from me as humanly possible without jeopardizing the project. I want to pick him up with a crane and place him towns away, let have him wrapped around me. 

The complication of my mind confuses even me, and I struggle to convince myself that someone will figure it out, put the puzzle together, even when I keep tearing it apart. 

I look down at my lap. 

Who am I kidding? 

I get hit with a bout of homesickness, but not of home, the hot topic. The place I was in every day, the place where I wasn't weird. 

Loretta becomes visble, sitting on the kitchen islant, her curls frizzed up to full capacity, looking almost electrocuted, guys gathered around her, half of them looking enticed, half of them looking like they're seeing a new species of insect. 

She writhes around on the table, "I can...I can do the worm.."

They all just blink at her, and one of them, who I presume is the host, urges her to get off. 

I stand up, making a descison. 

If I see my ex, I see my ex. 

And that's that. 

I walk back over to the group, blending back into the party go-ers, the silk of my dress sliding against my skin as I adjust it, a few sets of eyes falling on me. 

I walk over to the sliding glass doors, seeking fresh air. I open it, revealing the decent sized balcony the highrise has to offer, a black railing along the edges of it, the cityscape even more vibrant from here, the coolness of the night air not too bad If I don't focus on it. 

I don't see him. 

I do see Janey. 

I approach her. She's in a short pink dress, dodging attention from guys like bullets. I sigh, knowing that Collin has slitheres back into her life, weasled his way back into her brain. I guess Loretta pointing out every single one of his physical flaws didn't do the job. 

She even tried saying that his head has the same circumfrance as the moon. That would've done it for me. 

I sit her down on a bench, "How you feeling?" 

"Uhhhh....weird." She leans against the back of the bench, her eyes having a dazed look in them, the moon lighting them up. "Like I just...snapped out of something. 

I listened to her talk away as energy buzzed in the room around us, opinions shared, love had. And watches guys and girls spend the night in each other's embrace, I suddenly feel so alone, so single, starved, deprived of love and affection, craving anything, anyone. 

My bar of standards has gone so low it's fallen off earth, and I need to hurry and pick it up before I end up kissing Anthomy mid-twirl or something, or make out with the actual Mucinex mascot. Loretta is still struggling with that comment. She did tell the girl who said it that she resembled the Geico lizard, so at least she got closure. 

Then, as soon as Janey departed, saying she was going to Uber home, I made eye-contact with him. 

There he was, a tall blonde girl on his lap, body-builder worthy muscles only having gotten larger. He stared past the blonde's head, peering at me eerily, a devilish smirk on his face. 

My entire body seized up, condensing, becoming a statue of fear. 

Jesse sees this through the window from inside, but the entrance to the balcony is blocked, so he's cut off by the crowd, leaving my ex with the perfect opportunity to pounce, shoot his shot, the 8th time. 

I try to make a run for it, but he's here already, blonde girl looming behind him, a brunette on the other side, both looking less than enthused by me. 

"Averen.." He goes to take my hand. 

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I hiss, covering my head. 

He just laughs, a cold, dead snicker, "Oh, relax, you're still so dramatic. Come on, you missed me, admit it..." He sighs. "You've put on weight, haven't you." 

"Sh-shut up, go away, you have all these other options, find one who ways 8 ounces for all I care, just get out of my sigh." I arm myself with a drink to shove at him, my heart racing a mile a minute. His smirk is like the end of the world, a ticking time bomb before he says something disgusting, something ruthless, an accident waiting to happen, a reactive German shepherd off leash. 

Everything has stood still, my brain frozen. 

He comes closer. "How about I show you how much I missed you?" 

The entrance clears out, and I push past the crowd of people, running like my life depends on it, and it just might. I make it to Jesse, but for some reason run past him and out of the highrise, running down every flight of stairs, my mind empty. 

I can hear faintly Loretta yelling something along the lines of 'you and your bald self need to-'.

I sit on the front steps of the highrise, processing it all.

I'm okay. 

I saw my ex, and I'm okay. 

I stand up, and start doing a celebratory dance, disregarding the rain and focusing on the joy overflowing from my soul and spilling out onto the sidewalk around me, I squeal and jump around, not caring what the bystanders think of the insane dancing woman with soaking wet hair and running eyeliner before them. 

The excitment fizzled out the minute Loretta walked outside, "Are you okay?" 

That question sent all my excitement plummeting down a cliff, and I phsyically felt the color drain from my face, my palms growing sweaty, "Call Kori." 

"Call WHO? DO YOU HAVE ENCEPHALITIS? I WILL DO THE SAME TO HIM AS I DID COLLIN IF YOU NEED ME TO I SWEAR-" 


"Call him." I hold out my phone. 

She hesitates, but grabs it, clicking on the contact, putting it on speaker. 

"Bonjour, buisness or pleasure?"

"Neither, dying." 

He scoffs, "What? What do you need?" 

"Come get me."

"Wha-? Uber, I'm not ge-" 

"That was an order, not an ask."

"Bu-" 

I hung up. 

So he came. His sleek black car pulled up outside the highrise, complete with him, shirtless him, which suddenly made the freezing winter night feel hot. Is anyone else warm? No? It's sleeting? You sure? 

He comes out of the car, "Okay, you better have a good explanation for making me get out of bed and drive here to come get you." 

I disregard his lame bedtime and run to him, pressing myself against his rock hard chest, his arms instinctually going around my waist, looking down at me with shock and amusement. Loretta wiggles her eyebrows, doing a bizzare dance in celebration for us. I wave her off and return my attention to him.

He meets my eyes, his furrowing with concern, "Are you okay?" 

"Uhhhhhhhh...as close to okay as possible." I nod. "Can we get out of the sleet?"

"Yeah.." He opens the passenger door for me, looking absolutely bewildered. I get in.

His car is pristine, every surface perfectly clean, his cupholders not even having a single crumb, his leather seats looking like they've never been sat in, the air freshener making it smell fresh, new. 

We drive to the dorms in silence, Kori's eyebrows still furrowed, and I can't tell if he's mad at me, or if that's his resting expression. 

A call comes through his car Bluetooth, and he takes it, groaning at the people on the caller ID, 'maman and papa'. 

"Kori, comment se passent tes cours? Qu'as-tu fait de cet argent qu'on donne? Vous l'aves probablement gaspille avec quelque chose comme de l'alcool avec ce degre absurde. Pourquoi ne pourriez -vous pas faire quelque chose de productif et realiste comme Matt?" An angry male voice comes through, and I see hurt appear in Kori's eyes. I can't understand anything, but I can feel the impact of the words. 

"Arretez de me comparar a lui. Je ne serai jamais lui. Je suis moi. Et ce n'est pas ma faute si tu n'ves pas d'accord avec ca." He hisses, clearly very annoyed. The voice goes on and on in jumped enraged French, untameable and uncontrollable, as Kori becomes more and more angry. 

The hostility seems to bring back memories, and seeing my ex today had already made them come alive. Tears that I can usually fight back made their way to my eyes, and poured out like two leaky faucets. Kori noticed. "Merde. Je dois y aller, je te rappelle." 

He hangs up, stopping the car. "Come here." 

"What? No, I'm fine. Do you want to work on the case quickly? I have this theory-" 

"Come here." 

I came, climbing closer to him, allowing him to hold me. 

The darkness of the night was peaceful, my brain having lack of stimuli to process, finally letting itself rest. 

In the silence, in the hug, in the arms of someone who I thought I hated... 

I've never felt more safe. 

And it's scary. 

I notice something peeking out of Kori's sleeve, and I roll it up. 

A tattoo. 

Ceci aussi devrait passer. 

"What does that mean?" I point. 

"This too shall pass." 

I nod. 

I look back up at him. 

He just nods. 

And I understood. 

Two broken shards of glass that need each other to feel whole again. 

The sun and the moon. 

They pass each other, yet only extremely rarely are close. 

"Let's be stars." 

"Huh?" 

"Don't ask."