As Easy As Murder

31- Ulterior Underwater

I tie the elastic strings of my skimpiest bikini, which is basically dental floss. I toss up my hair into a lose updo. 

Loretta walks into the bathroom wearing an ensemble with as much coverage as a napkin. Her curls are in their usual pigtails, a harness set covering. She looks like something out of Playboy. 

I put a hand on my hip. "You trying to one-up me?"

She smirked. "I already two-upped you the day I was born."

I roll my eyes, walking past her and slinging a beach towel over my shoudler. Saturday evening rolled around. The invitation is in my pocket, and I'm ready for some party crashing. I haven't done anything remotely frowned upon in months, and I need my fix before I have withdrawls. 

We exchange a knowing smirk, winking at each other with the plan in mind. With an open of a car door, and the blasting of Rico Suave, we are out and on our way to 234 Righteous street. We swerve through traffic, the sunroof of Loretta's life support lease wide open, allowing the wind to blow through our hair like a makeshift DIY convertible. 

Tourists gaze at the Statue Of Liberty with mouths agape, their eyes twinkling at the towers that surround them as we zip through lines of cars like nothing, running on hopes, dreams, adrenaline and spite. 

We pull into a huge parking lot, uncommon in New York, streelights illuminating the pathway to the least expected thing, a docked yacht. The moon illuminates the unconventional venue, screams and hard base coming from the poor boat. 

We strut over, radiating confidence, or at least we hoped we were. Our hair blows in the night breeze, bikini's out in the open for all to see, our early 20's sparkling like diamonds. This is what Cheryl wants me to do, who am I to disagree?

We get to the doors of the yacht and blow off the bouncer, who I assume was Jetsy or whatever the guys name was, and we run in, expecting strobe lights and disco balls, sparkles and glimmers, the usual eyesore that is a college party. 

But we were served strawberries on a silver platter. Literally. A butler stands there holding a variety of fruits and other finger foods on a large silver plate. Loretta shoves a handful of strawberry shavings into her mouth as we make our way through the elegant locale, the rays of moonlight hitting different points on the ship. 

Everyone seems bored. Not a body moving, not a soul thrilled. Everyone is seating on pool chairs, sipping on drinks with little umbrellas in them, gossiping or what have you. But that's not my style. 

"Cannonball!" Shrieks fill the air as Loretta does just that, splashing 10's of people in the process. 

Felicity is in an actual throne towards the back, her blonde curls even more perfect than usual, held up by a golden scrunchie, classical music playing out of a CD player, the vibe totally off and not exciting what so ever.

Good thing we're here to fix that. 

I smirk, kicking the CD player into the water, and promptly blasting heavy metal out of my phone, while Loretta takes care of getting everyone sopping went head to toe. 

I spot a kareoke machine and pick up the mic, "Good evening everyone, you may have noticed that no one is outside of their comfort zone, and miss priss over here hasn't been humbled. That means we haven't met tonight's goal of shrinking her ego." 

With a wink to Felicity, Anthony runs over from the spot I placed him at, picking up Felicity and throwing him in the water. Everything almost went to plan. Felicity shrieked, lost a hair extension and her make-up, and was literally de-throned. 

But Anthony didn't stop there. 

No, he was bold. 

He picked up Loretta, and planted a big, wet, kiss right on her lips. She then proceeded to jump into the water, trying to get the chemicals in the chlorine to kill the Anthony bacteria. Anthony didn't even stop there, though. He ripped off his swim shirt, yes, swim shirt, then changed the heavy metal I graced the princesses ears with and tragically changed into baby got back.

And then he shook his healthy butt. 

We all stood there in shock and horror, and he just didn't stop. 

So naturally, Felicity got up and pushed him in. Everyone was now soaked, everything was now soaked, and to make things worse, the security guard started charging towards me. 

I tried to make a break for it while Loretta started to execute her plan of seducing the enraged bald man, but he just shoved her into a table. 

As the man ran towards me in slow motion, the whole situation was a sitcom. It had all happened so fast, and a lot of it was my fault, but a lot of it wasn't. Maybe it was a happy little accident, maybe it was impulsive, maybe it was lame, maybe it was cheesy, maybe it was 90's movie. 

But none of that is going to matter if I get my neck broken. 

I press myself against his rock hard chest, "What's got you so eager?" I whisper seductively, at the exact moment Kori walked in. 

I whipped my head to look at him. I paused, breaking away from the uncomfortable embrace, the seething man seeming just as awkward as me. He unbuttoned his security guard shirt, allowing 3 vests to fall off and reveal his actual physique, a skeleton. 

The novelty of it all, the comic genius, I could sell this to a film writer for millions. 

But the hurt on Kori's face ruled out that idea. My mouth opened, but no words came out. And none had do, because Felicity's mouth was already running. She ran over to Kori, immediately throwing herself at him as I rolled my eyes. 

"Kori!" She whined, pressing her forehead against Kori's peck. "THEY RUINED MY BIRTHDAY. STOP THEM!"

He walked away, and towards me, towards all of us. Towards the pool. His shirtless body was more than I could've imagined, and I couldn't believe what a sweater vest can conceal. I need to keep that in mind if i'm ever struggling with my body image. Stretch marks? Boom. Sweater vest. 

I winced and drew back, expecting him to lecture me. He had every reason to. The chunk missing from his left arm, the choices words I layed into him, the fact that I just crashed someone's birthday and he found me batting my eyelashed with the bouncer. 

But he held his hand out, and not to slap me, but for a high-five. 

So what could I do but return it?

The smacking sound shocked everyone, especially security and Felicity, as me Kori, and Loretta started our way off the ship under the moonlight. 

I turn over my shoulder. "Wait, I wanna swim."

He laughed. "Oh, we'll swim, Mon Cheri."