As Easy As Murder

34. Please don't be my valentine

"I HATE HIM!"

Janey shreiks from the middle of the circle, the cold night air surrounding us, our hair blowing in the slight breeze. 

It's Valentines day, february 14th, the day of chocolates and teddy bears and sappy texts and crying into your pillow because of a post you saw of a love you'll never have. The holiday of jealousy and nasty break-ups. The holiday of light, but light from a match.  

We're all gathered on the grass on the outskirts of campus. Jesse and his loverboy are cuddling. Loretta is nonchalantly watching a ladybug crawl up her leg. Bishop is just staring to space. The friendgroup is in shambles, and in the middle of it, Janey. 

Tears pour down her face as she sobs, coughs, gags. Collin has once again managed to ruin her life. How many times do you ruin the same life until you get board? 

Oh God, would I love to ruin his. 

The moon sheds light on us as Janey shrieks and kicks and cries out her anger. The atmosphere is anything but lovey. I can't say I'm feeling anymore positively about where we've ended up on the celebratory day of love.

Kori hasn't even texted me, hasn't even made sure I'm still alive. 

No teddy bears or sweet cards, no kisses and hugs, no conversation hearts, not for me. 

No, this Valentines day I get to drown in the memories of my ex, tainted with his actions, the sweet sugar of his lips tainted with the poison of his words, his intimidating glare burned into everyone elses eyes who looks at me, threatening, looming, a storm cloud of lost dignity and scraps of clothing long ripped. 

My fists clench. 

Loretta becomes alert, slowling coming to out of her ladybug trance, becoming responsive to the world and Janey around her. 

Partly, this is our fault. We didn't check up on her enough after we saw that her and Collin were once again joined in unity when any strings tying the two should be burnt to a crisp. We saw Janey voluntarily going back into the shackles of Collin's demanding ways, and we didn't stop him, we watched. In anger. 

We let her fall victim to lust and lost trust. 

And so here we pay the price, her screams traveling through the night air in earth-shattering sound waves, as we all attemp to comfort her and set aside our own reservations with our love tradgedies, besides Loretta, who has one again given her full attention to the red and black insect gracing her pale skin, the animal lover in her resurfacing like it always does. 

That's it. A positive tale to tell, it pops into my mind like an angel to a death, reminder that there's still light when it burns, torches to light the way through the dungeon of envy and hoplessness. Gates open. 

"Anyone..uh..want to hear a story?" I propose, to the same response Loretta got when she asked a bunch of hippies if they were into untillegible screaming into microphones about violent acts, death metal, more commonly known as. 

I think about the story anyway as we all sit in comfortable silence, Jesse clutching the teddy bear whats-his-face gave him. I look down at the nothingness in my palms and question if Kori has an ounce of kindness in his heart like I have started to perceive, or if my view of him is tainted rose-colored by love. 

We kissed, we kissed a lot. 

I think about the story. 

A deer lay injured in the middle of the road, scared straight by the headlights of my bug coming towards him. I swerved off the road and into the surrounding grass, Loretta and I's shreiks filling the silent night. 

Once 'are you okay's' were issued and answered, I was about to direct the car back onto the road, but Loretta stopped me. 

She got out, approached the deer. It didn't fear her. It stood still, pressing it's forehead Into her leg as she laid her hoodie on it's trembling body, gently guiding into a soft grass bed where it's mother anxiously waited. 

A reminder that Loretta isn't all daquiri's and drunken slurring, but too a kind soul. 

Tonight she's not the latter. 

"Anyone wanna go out?"

Once again, no one replied. 

I roll my eyes, "Come on guys, we can't sit here sulking and...grossly cuddling..-" I gesture to Jesse and his loverboy. "all night. We have to do something. I want to do something."

They all just groan except Loretta, who does a little cheer. 

Janey starts another stream of tears to add to the already existing ocean and I plop my head into my hands with a soft thud, loosing hope in salvaging the evening. Valentines Day was already presumably going to be a disaster considering the condition of our love lives, besides Mr. Spring Wedding over here. 

That's right, he's getting a spring wedding on the break of may, perfect weather, less pollen than April, and everything blossoming. He's won the lottery, folks. 

Loretta lights up, standing up in the middle of the circle. "I got it. Let's burn stuff."

I look at her incredulously, "Pardon?"

She continues as if she's coherent. "Everyone grab something of whoever wronged you, besides you two love birds, meet back here, and may the sparks fly in a literal sense."

Every eye on the courtyard blinked at her, and she blinked back with confidence. I looked around, trying to gauge everyone's expression so I could make mine match. But no one seemed to react at all, like she wasn't proposing arson like a trip to the amusement park. 

Until everyone shot up, agreeing, besides Jessarella and What's-his-face-charming, who continued to feast and indulge in their love and adoration for each other.

"Woah, woah woah," I hold my hands out. "We can't just...burn things." 

I thought about my ex's hoodie. The only thing I have of his. There's a stain on the right sleeve. Chocolate from making brownies together before it all went wrong. The wrong kind of spark sprouts out of my heard, and love in the air was decided to be  replaced by the smell of burnt fabric and condiments. 

Everyone split up. I was tasked with gathering up the hairspray to perfect the flames. Of course we can't burn the campus down, so naturally we moved our expiriment to the small bit of yard behind campus. 

Genius, right? 

"Aren't we gonna get arrested?" I mumbe to Loretta as she digs for a box of matches. 

"Eh, my uncle is rich."

I facepalm, "It'll be on your record."

"You don't know my record. Arson might even help my case."

I scoff at her, then pick up the bottles of hairspray that sit on the counter. My babies. I owe my flawless hair to them, my confidence, my self esteem. And now I'm wasting them on my ex, a man who didn't like pizza? What has my life come to? 

We met back up in the open yard, holding our respetive items, the moon the only witness of our dirty deed, hopefully at least. 

The items to be destroyed were laid on the damp green. My ex's hoodie, Collin's favorite pair of jeans, Jesse's Dad's cigarettes (kind of ironic), Bishop's old church dress, and Loretta's ex's cd's. 

Everything looked so worn, loved. 

I flipped open the bottle of hairspray, staring down at in in mixed emotion, the chemical smell not phasing me anymore. 

Everyone looked at me.

Jesse rolled his eyes, "Just do it already. I need to pee." 

Loretta and I coated the items in the famously flammable solution, a sort of spark of rebelliousness rising in me as I deliberately defied the label on the can. 

Janey was still in shambles as she leaned into Bishop's shoulder, sobbing and sniffling, mourning the loss of the worst person to ever walk the earth. He's not dead, but he's dead to me, and if he pulls any more stunts, dead because of me. 

Once everything had a nice layer of the concociton on top of their former fabrics, Loretta drew 2 matches, the flames lighting up the night sky, the range of the light quite fascinating. 

Everyone gasped, I chuckled, Janey gagged. 

The night was odd, rugged. Unkempt. We were bad kids, the kind senior citizens speak of in generalizing terms. The kind 40-something mom's gossip about in support groops. The kind dad's leave. The kind school counselors see the faces of often. 

We were the hot topics on tongues, the talk of the town. 

Or we felt like it. 

The items burnt into flames and we burst into laughs, and janey tears. The light from the burning fire illuminating our faces, submerging them in a warm glow, evil laughs and 20-something angst filling the air, a childhood mischeviousness resurfacing in our souls. 

We threw more things into the fire, pushing it way past the legal open fire limits, valentines decorations burning to their untimely deaths. It was kind of scary. I felt like I was holding some ritual.

The fire grew. And it kept growing. Growing closer.

Too close for comfort.

"QUICK QUICK QUICK QUICK!" I screamed, fanning the fire with my leather jacket. Everyone joined, Jesse's loverboy even going as far as to strip to his boxers and start fanning the firey beast with his sweatpants, much to Jesse's infatuation. 

Loretta ran like a chicken without a head, "OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!"

Janey collapsed into a heap of sobs, Jesse stood mesmerized, the reflection in his eyes being not the fire, but his loverboys 'heroic' actions. His pants did not make a dent in the fire, but to Jesse, he might as well have saved a baby kitten in the moment. 

The pantsless warrior prevented Jesse from helping with the emergency. 

It felt like an eternity. The moment lasted long, too long. It was in slo-mo. The fire burnt loudly, crackling. The pants continued to fan it. Jesse continued to gawk. Janey's sobs echoed through the open night. Bishop just blinked and sipped from her 'water' bottle like it was just another friday. Like a scene in a movie, and I want to turn it off. 

Loretta came running back, the moment still playing at far below normal speed, my life flashing before my eyes, and the bright pink of Cheryl's favorite blazor interrupting the memories, glowing brighter than the angry flames. 

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF LORD HAVE MERCY JESUS SUGAR BANANA PUDDIN' IS GOING ON HERE!" A fire extinguisher in her left hand, southern fury In her right, she saved the day, the cloud plowing thought the fire and putting it out. 

Various coughs arised as the smoke cleared. This should be the part of the movie where the fog dissipates and unveils prince charming, reveals the plot twist, the sunshine comes plowing in through the clouds, and the story uplifts.

But it was just Anthony.

He stood there Infront of Loretta, who was laying flat on her back, spread out like starfish. Curly strands were strewn across her face, a deep breathy cough releasing itself from her mouth, smeared lipstick the only thing blocking the swear words itching to come out. 

Popcorn, anyone?

He got down on one knee, handing her the bouquet. 

She blinked up at him, held out a finger, and gently pushing him away.

She stood up and brushed off her knees.

Silence fell over us, a velvet blanket of solitude once again. 

Cheryl was standing in the middle of all of us, "ALL OF YOU GET YOUR ASS'S INTO YOUR DORMS BEFORE I CAN COUNT TO THREE."

Everyone shuffled off, leaving me, her, Loretta, and the rustling of the leaves in the bushes.

Loretta put her hands on her hips, "You know what, best Valentines day ever."

Cheryl sighed, "Lord have mercy."

"Too late." I mumble. 

Under the gaze of a very infuriated and confused Cheryl, Loretta and I started our way back to the dorm. 

I heard someone whisper my name.

"Did you heard that?" I turn to her.

She shook her head. "You sure I'm the crazy one?"

Two more steps and I heard it again. 

"Okay, you had to have heard it that time."

She shakes her head again and shrugs. 

A third time. 

Someone grabbed me from the bushed, tackling me to the ground.

I shreiked, and Loretta threw a punch.

A disgruntled and leaf-covered Kori emerged from the bushes. "Thanks for ruining that, broccoli."

I blink at him, seeing the little teddy bear with glasses in his left hand and a small box in the other. 

"Kori?" I whisper. "You couldn't think of a less creepy way to do that?"

He shook his head. 

Loretta is still standing there, and once more starts doing her victory jig, which she does everytime me and Kori hit a milestone. I don't think  him essentially harassing me was a milestone, but her feet do.

I scoff and wave her off, turning my attention back to Kori.

He takes out the box, opening it to reveal a small ring. "It's a promise ring."

"What's the promise?"

"Not to murder you."

I laughed and held out my hand, the ring slipping on easily, perfectly fitting my middle finger. Yes, my middle finger. The sentiment was a gag, yet it touched my soul. Our relationship started with me flipping him off. 

I fantasize about our wedding, zoning off into the void of his eyes again. I'd flip him off, he'd flip me off, we'd live a happily ever after of harmony and jokes and jabs, and my head buried into his sweatervest in the back of my bug, the hole in my heart left by my ex been given a heart shaped patch. 

"Earth to Averen!" He tackled me onto the grass, tickling me under my arms, his soft chuckles mixing with my squeals and giggled the perfect pair.

My skin felt radient, my hair felt silky, I felt like my best self. I'm with my best Kori. 

I collapse into him.

"I hate you."

He smiles.

I've been given his love potion.

And man, do I love the taste.