The Way I Loved You | Tobias Eaton

twenty-four

Tobias

"This is fucking unacceptable," Zeke grumbles, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "We need to find out who's behind this. And quick."

Zeke and I are standing in my kitchenette discussing Fallon's situation. But even as I spoke to my best friend, I found myself unable to tear my eyes off of her trembling form.

Fal is seated on my bed with her back against the headboard, her knees curled up to her chest and a thick blanket draped over her shoulder. I've asked Zeke to bring Shauna along, hoping our friend would be able to bring her some comfort while trying to get some things sorted out. Still, I was itching to go to her- to take her into my arms and just hold her for as long as she needed me to.

I'm still beating myself up for making her return to the dorms for the night. Tonight, we were supposed to be heading out for our annual game of Capture the Flag and I wanted Fallon to experience it to its fullest.

That was also why I was leaving my apartment earlier than I normally did and I'm glad I hadn't left any earlier, or I wouldn't have been here when Fallon showed up.

I was also lucky that Lauren was willing to cover for me for tonight, otherwise, I would have caused a world of issues for me with Eric...Eric. My jaw clenched at the thought of the threats that he had made on Fallon the other day and it makes me seriously consider if he had anything to do with this.

"How do you want to handle this?" Zeke questions next

I frown at his question. The leaders of Dauntless are corrupt. That much I'm almost sure of. I've seen the Erudite leaders around Dauntless grounds far too often for it not to raise suspicion. And whatever it is they're planning together, it can't be anything good.

"There's no way in hell I'm letting her stay in dorms after what happened, that's for sure." I sighed, "But other than that..."

My words trailed off, I hated that I didn't have a solution when Fallon's safety was on the line.

Even if I moved her into my apartment permanently, then what? I can't always be by her side, no matter how much I want to. I have obligations as a Trainer and bailing on them will only paint a bigger target on her back when it comes to Eric.

Frustration grips at my throat, like a familiar reminder. Except, this time, I wasn't the same little boy cowering in the walls of my old Abnegation home anymore. And instead of it being the hand of my father- my lifelong tormentor- choking the life out of me, it's the helplessness that does.

I should've been able to keep her safe. I should be able to keep safe.

"We'll figure it out," Zeke pulls me out of my thoughts with a clap on my shoulder. "In the meantime, she can hang out with Uriah and his friends when we're not around. I'll have a talk with them. They'll know to keep an eye on her."

I nod, relieved that my friends have my back at the very least. "Thanks."

"Any time," Zeke nods, "Let me know if you need anything else, alright?" Tell casting one last concerned look at Fallon, he makes his leave.

The moment the door shuts behind him, I follow to make sure it's securely locked and turn to find Fallon halfway off of the bed with eyes wide with worry as if she thought I was going to leave with him.

I don't think I realised how deeply my departure- and  I'm sure, in part, also her dad's sudden passing- had wounded Fallon. But I see it in her eyes whenever she watches me leave a room, or the night before when I suggested she slept in the dorms.

There's an underlying fear there that I wasn't sure how I was supposed to fix, and I'm not sure I even can.

No matter how much I reassure her that I wasn't going to leave her again, doubt still resides in Fallon's mind that I want so desperately to eradicate.

For now, I do the only thing that I can think of to ease her worries; I go to her.

Scooping her up into my arms as soon as I reach our bed, I lay her across my chest, burying my nose in her long strands of dark hair and press a kiss to the crown of her head.

Fallon immediately presses her cheek against my chest like she's desperate for the contact. "I'm sorry." Her whispered words sound defeating against the silent room even though they're muffled by the material of my shirt and they cause a frown to pull at my features.

"What are you sorry for? None of this is your fault."

Fallon stays silent, her eyes refusing to meet mine and I hike her up against me, placing a finger under her chin to make her look at me.

"Fallon, you're not responsible for anything that happened," I tell her vehemently, hoping that my words sink in. "You don't have to be sorry for anything."

She blinks up at me, her eyes glassy with tears and the sight makes my heart feel like it's shattering into a million pieces.

"I do," She says so softly I almost miss it, "I should've seen it."

I pause at her words, combing her hair out of her face. A lump forms in my throat as I stare down at her, her eyes filled with misery, and realise that we weren't talking about her attack.

A heavy sigh leaves my lips as I drop my forehead to hers, "Fal..." I swallow harshly, struggling to find the right words.

"I...I keep thinking that maybe if had I noticed the signs sooner then maybe you wouldn't have had to suffer through it by yourself." Her words leave her lips in a stuttered mess, "O-or I could have told someone. I could've stopped it." She takes in a shuddering breath, tears spilling onto her cheeks. "And I was so mad at you for leaving me for all those years when all along you've been..."

Her words trail off as if she couldn't physically bring herself to speak of the horrors my father had done. And I hated that she felt responsible for any pain that the monster had caused me.

"Fallon, you couldn't have known. I didn't want you to know," I tell her, "I didn't want you to feel like you had to save me, Fal. I just wanted you."

I trailed my over the spattering of freckles that dusted her skin.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. And if persisting through everything that asshole put me through meant that I got to have more time with you, I would take that in a heartbeat," I muttered against her lips, "My only regret was ever leaving you."