When You Stop Hating To Exist

The Call // Emotional Support Dog Stans

The call woke Jessie up.
Sighting, she turned to the sound, eyes still closed.
In the background, she could hear the faint sound of some TV playing a sports game.
This wasn’t new, the walls had always been that thin, sometimes she wondered if her neighbors could hear her breathing but the other sounds usually were too loud to find out. It would not shock her. She would probably be more surprised if you couldn’t hear the breathing.

“What?” she groaned into the phone after flipping it open, not caring who it was since she was still asleep. She wouldn’t have cared if she would’ve been awake but now she even had an excuse, so she used it.

“Jessie! Don’t tell me you were sleeping, it’s-,” a short silence followed, “it’s four pm. Anyways we wanted to hang out today. Since Chris works ‘till 5 we’ll pick them up from work on the way. You are coming. I know you would just continue sleeping so I’ll pick you up with Chris. We’ll just chill tonight.”

Jessie had not finished proceeding what was just said before the other person hung up. The sorry echo of the dead line echoed through the room until Jessie closed her phone.

She sighted another time before getting up. She knew she needed to change into other clothes but she was still defeated when she looked down on herself. She did not go to work today; her boss had given her a day off, so she was still in yesterday’s clothes. The grey shirt clung to her wet skin; she had been sweating under the covers, and she knew she needed to change her underwear too. At least she had removed her work pants. Jessie had slept in them before and it really was not a pleasant experience.

She walked over to her closet. The only thing that kept her from simply going back to the coach was the face her friend would have if she found her here. Louise had the keys to her apartment and she would not hesitate to come get her.
She had dragged Jessie out of the deepest part in her life. Without Louise Jessie probably would not have been there anymore.

Jessie grabbed the first thing that she found, and that unfortunately was a dress. She would not have worn it but since she did not have the energy to find something else, she went with it. The dress was black. Like fifty percent of her wardrobe. The dress had a straight shirt collar that buttoned down to her hips. The arms reached her wrists and it ended right above her knee. On her torso, it was slim fitting, accentuating her curves, and flared out from her waist. She added black and white striped knee high socks and her usual Docs as shoes.

Jessie grabbed her coat and her phone and exited her apartment.
The cold air hit her like a wall, making her immediately regret her attire.
She wanted to retreat into her apartment but she did not have the energy to climb the stairs up again and open her door.

Therefore, she started walking in the direction of the Guitar Shop Chris worked at.
It was not far away.
The shop had always been some kind of safe space for her. Since she was little. Sometimes she grabbed a guitar or sat down in front of a drum set and started playing.

She was not great but it was enough for her to get lost in it. She had never bought anything there though because she never had enough money for an instrument. She did not remember how Chris and she were friends but it did not matter since they were now. She would not ask neither, it was too unimportant.

The sun was already setting but Jessie did not watch it.
The sunset made her cry and she never knew why.
Maybe it was because it was the only thing that she truly loved.
Maybe it was because she knew that the sun would always set, no matter how dark her life got.

The sunset probably was not the best metaphor for hope, usually the sunrise was.
For Jessie it was different. In the hardest moments of her life, she could not sleep.
In these nights, she saw the sunrise as a reminder for the sleep she had once again lost.