Cayde-6: a new avenger

Chapter 12: I'm there

Song: The Great War by Taylor Swift.

⚠️ T/W: Panic Attack
Time skip, it's now a few days later <3

'Artificial- -activated-
enjoying yourselves intruders cataclysmic damage-
Clovis Bray-
          -La Fontaine de Jouvence-
Mortality
  -the wrong hands...

You now face God-like Judgement,
may it extend eternally.'

I'm there again. I'm there. My body shoots up from my bed fast enough to give me whiplash. But my mind is there. My palms are sweaty and my mind is buzzing, it's droning on so loud I can't hear anything else.

Somewhere in the distance a door opens.

But all I see is Clovis Bray printed on the walls. All I hear is the AI. I'm there. I'm breathing so hard but no air is getting in.

A hand touches my shoulder and I spin round to grab it but a hand takes my wrist. He sits next to me puts a hand on my back.

My skin feels like it's suffocating my body. His hand is moving in slow circles. I can't breathe.

His voice is starting to break through the noise. I'm underwater. Everything's muffled.

He tells me to breathe. He tells me to focus on his voice. And that's what I do, I cling to it, because that feels real. He tells me it's okay.

I'm there, I'm there, I'm there.

I repeat the words in my head and I think I say it too because my throat catches on my sobs.

"You're not there."
"You're here."
"You're with me."

I grip onto the voice like a buoy in the storm. It anchors me. The tears keep flowing but the crushing force on my lungs loosens slightly, slowly.

He keeps telling me. It's okay, I'm safe, breathe. I start to say it to myself. I take a deep breath, then another and another.

The buzzing starts to calm and the water begins to drain. My tears start to dry and I'm suddenly exhausted. I rest my head back onto his shoulder and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay."

I hesitate, wondering whether my ears heard correctly,

"...Bucky?" I look up at him and move away slightly only to see his concerned face looking back. "Bucky."

"Are you okay?"

"Um...yeah I'm...I'm fine I just..." I suddenly remember the reason I couldn't breathe, the memories come flooding back and so does the dream.

"Keep breathing Cayde, it's okay." I take a breath and remember that I'm not there.

I rest my head back on his shoulder and we lie in silence for a time. I try to process what's happened. After a while I hear Bucky take a breath before whispering a question,

"Where's there?" He asks while moving his hand up and down my arm slowly, comfortingly.

I stare up at the ceiling thinking,

"The Deep Stone Crypt."

"It was a legendary raid, mostly because I was there but also because we uncovered the secrets of the crypt, about Clovis Bray. He was a genius scientist who experimented extensively with robotics and artificial intelligence before the collapse."

He nods along while I tell the story.

"And I keep having nightmares about it, none this bad though...It felt so real. I could've sworn I was there." I say shivering at the memory.

"I know, it's okay. I understand." I look up at him. "I get nightmares too, I heard you from next door. I'm sorry I walked in without permission."

"No that's okay." And it really is okay. It's never felt okay to have someone in my room before and yet...

"This Deep Stone Crypt place sounds horrible."

"It was...it really was. But I suppose to a degree it felt weirdly familiar." Bucky tilts his head curious as to what I mean.

"The same way that New York feels familiar. It makes me wonder who I was before Cassini revived me. The Last City is everything I remember but New York feels so familiar, it feels like home. Makes me think I lived here before I died. In the same way I think I must've spent a period of time in the Deep Stone Crypt."

I look at the ceiling again contemplating all of this, "I love the Last City, I love the people there but...it's never felt like home." I look back at Bucky when I realise,

"I've never told anyone that before." He smiles slightly before saying,

"I feel honoured that you trust me with that."

"You're an amazing listener you know that? Thank you for helping me."

He starts to move clearly starting to get up, "Of course, anytime."

I hold his arm and he pauses,

"Could you stay? I can't be alone."

He doesn't say anything but he smiles in a way that I know he's telling me that he'd be glad to. He settles back down and I fall asleep safely tucked away under his arm.

And this time when I fall asleep. I know I won't be plagued by nightmares, by monsters and demons in the night.

I feel safe.