Across All Time

Chapter 14- What is Right (Sylvie)

I stumbled into the hallway just outside the apartment door. My legs were shaking and my mind racing.
What am I going to do?
I carefully opened the door. All the lights except for a little one in our small kitchen were off. Bea sat with a mug in her hands, and at the sound of the door opening she turned to look at me.
"You're late," she stated.
"I told you I would be, I was closing-"
"This late?"
I squirmed a little. To tell her or not? She already clearly didn't believe me, and I felt bad to lie- which clearly showed how domesticated I was growing. But to put the burden on anyone else... Loki wasn't a burden, but the entire situation was. I didn't know if I could carry it. Suddenly, I began to cry.
Bea was immediately holding me and stroking my hair. She didn't say anything, she just held me and let me cry on her should. After a little while I was able to speak.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly.
"I was just worried, not mad. Was there something wrong at work or is it just the baby... maybe something else?" She asked.
I shook my head, "Just a long day,"
She smiled kindly. "Let's go to bed,"

I laid awake, unsleeping. What am I supposed to do? How am I suppose to continue on knowing what I know now? It was different when I lost hope, when Loki was as good as dead. And when He Who Remains was also dead...
Dread and anger flood my veins. He was gone, everything was alright and now he's back to wave Loki in my face?
He had to be dealt with. But how to find him? Loki mentioned the game he was playing, how he wasn't allowed at the TVA. Maybe if I brought him here he could see everyone and I could confront He Who Remains.
But that would mean letting everyone else know Loki is still alive and around, only for him to possibly disappear again for who knows how long? I would be shattering their illusion just like Loki shattered mine.
Maybe I was being selfish. I couldn't tell.
I shuffled around, kicking the blankets. I should sleep, but I needed a solution more than sleep. I was supposed to be good at coming up with plans, I truly was growing rusty.
Then Bea reached out. I must've disturbed her sleep.
She wrapped her arms around my round womb and pulled me in. He legs slipped into place behind mine, her head resting on my shoulder.
"Are you okay?" She whispered. I didn't answer. I didn't know how to. She waited a bit before asking "Do you need to talk about anything?"
We laid in silence again, before I quietly and cautiously responded.
"I have to make a decision, and if I choose one option then... then I'm being safe, I'm only hurting a few people. But if I choose the other option I have the possibility of... helping a lot of people. At the same time though, it could also hurt a lot of people, and I might just be doing it for selfish reasons,"
Bea doesn't respond for so long that I almost thought she fell asleep or just didn't hear my response.
"I think you just have to do what your gut tells you. I mean, the fact that you're worrying about others means it's not completely selfish reasons you're basing your choice on,"
She made a good point.
"Thank you," I said.
"It's just my vague opinion based on your vague problem,"
"No, thank you for being here, for loving me,"
She pulled me in just a bit closer, as close as possible.
"I will always be here for you,"
I felt my eyes finally grow heavy. Next to me, Bea settled into sleep again. I finally let myself relax, now that I had some semblance of a plan, and that was all I needed. The rest would fall into place as it happened.
As sleep took me however, one last haunting thought lingered.
So much is going to change, am I ruining any shot of a happy future for everyone?