I hate that I love you

I'm... me!

The next morning was a hazy one. I couldn't function. It almost felt as if my mind was blank but also so overwhelmed. I managed to get out of bed and get ready. I went downstairs and sat down on the dining table. I checked the time, I had 5 more minutes till we leave. I looked at Belle and she looked sick. So, I asked my mum what happened and she told me that Belle was very stressed and got a fever because of that. I went to her and said

-What happened, love?

-She said, looking very nervous, I don't know.

She sounded like she was very vulnerable. I gave her a hug. She was indeed very stressed and she seemed to ease up after I gave her that hug.

-Thanks. She whispered.

-You're always welcome. Take care of yourself. You'll be fine.

-I know. Hurry though, you're gonna be late.

-Oh yeah! Bye!

-Bye!

I love my sister very much. She is really sweet. She can be a bit... sassy but that is guaranteed with a sibling.

I went off to school. It was a really normal day, the difference being I was a wee bit sad. I came back home, more tired than usual. I went to my room, laid in my bed and drifted of the sleep once more. This time I didn't wake up for a quite a while. I was asleep for about 6 hours when I woke up sweaty because of a nightmare.

I went downstairs to the kitchen to get some water, as I was pouring myself a glass, My mum said:

-Look who decided to wake up.

-Hello mother.

-Darling, I know you were tired but just as a heads up, taking 6 hours 'naps' isn't go for your health.

-I'll be careful next time, I was just tired.

-Alright. Do you want anything to eat?

-No, thank you. I'm gonna go back to my room.

-Okay.

I went there and sat on my bed. I suddenly was very anxious and I felt like I couldn't breath. It was only 5 minutes long and I felt okay after that. As I was sitting in my bed, I got a thought,

"what if I just, stopped existing?"

I freaked out, I wasn't sad or anything it was just very random. "I don't want that, I don't want that" I kept saying it in my mind. I felt as though I didn't have a right to feel that way. But in a way, it felt fulfilling, almost as if... well... I can't describe it. It felt correct to feel pain or doubt.

Anyways, the sun was rising, everything was being showered by it's light. I felt as if it was too bright. I felt very unprepared for my normal day ahead, though I was I had to get out of my bed. So i did, did all the things as my routine.

Before leaving for the day, I went to see how Belle was doing. As I went to her room, I peaked through the door and saw that she was indeed very sick. I knocked, no response, knocked again, still no response, did it for a third time and I heard "come in" so I entered.

-Hey, how are you doing?" I said, looking at Belle who was laying in her bed.

-Not very good, but I'll be fine in a few days.

-Alright.

I headed out in a rush and went off to school.

I reached school just in the nick of time. I went through the rest of the day just fine. When the bell rang, I saw Ben in the corridors. I chatted with him and finally told him that...

Let's just revise the whole conversation

- Hey, Ben, I would like to share something with you. Is that alright?

- Yeah, go on.

- So, since you're trans, I thought you were the first person I can tell this too. I'm non-binary and I go by they/them.

- Thanks for sharing that. Just want to say, dysphoria can be tough bit I'll be here for you if you need help.

- Thank you so much.

- Always welcome.

- Bye now.

- See you soon. Also, there is a meeting in the queer club about doing something like a fundraiser for some charities for lgbtq+ youth like us. I think you'll like to joint.

- Obviously, yeah! See you there.

After I came back home, I felt exhausted. Acting to be fine is harder than I thought but I am not sad enough to get help. I'll be fine.

My day was pretty normal but fpr some reason I felt really exhausted. When it ended, I felt the weight lightening up a bit, that is until I have to do this all over again. I fell asleep quite easily and slept as if I hadn't slept in weeks.