I hate that I love you

Acceptance...?

After reaching home that day, I sat in the living room with Belle. After a moment of silence, I said to her,

-Hey, Belle, do you ever... umm... like someone a lot?

-Yeah. I mean almost everyone does. Why are you asking this?

- I... like someone. For the first time. She's beautiful and lovely and I feel safe around her... Like I cannot be anxious around her and I... I

Belle noticed my tone and pulled me into a hug, I laid my head on her shoulder as she was holding me. She lets go of me and says while holding my hand

- You seem a bit flustered. It's okay to enjoy someone's company. It's okay to feel whatever you do feel. You'll be fine.

I felt like crying as my emotions flooded my head. I could feel the burden on me. Before I knew it, tears filled my eyes. I felt like I couldn't breath. Belle noticed and comforted me, laying me down and putting a blanket on me after a while. I felt my emotions sink and drifted to sleep.

I woke up later, to find Belle sleeping next to where my legs were. I slowly got up, trying not to wake her up, though she did. She, still half asleep, saw me and asked

- Are you okay?

- Yes, I whispered.

- Good. She said, shortly before falling asleep again.

I put the blanket over her and went to my room. I closed the door shut. I went to my room, my sanctuary and I started writing things, about being... not well. I started tearing up, I laid down on my bed, I fell asleep. At this point, sleeping was a coping mechanism. I woke up in about an hour, I saw Belle sitting next to me.

-"How you doing?"

-"You know."

-"I do, actually and you're not doing well. You seem stressed. Can I give you a hug?, I think you would like it."

-"Sure."

She gave me a hug. It was comforting, it felt caring, it was all I needed, right? To be cared for, that would fix everything, right? Well, I knew the answer, it wouldn't. But it definitely felt nice. I rested my head on her shoulder before letting go.

-"Thanks" I said.

-"You're always welcome."

She left my room after that. I found myself with nothing left to do. I was alone and bored. I started to watch a movie and I loved it but it reminded me of Sierra, who was the last person I wanted to think about because I couldn't handle my guilt and my feeling for her.

I went on for the rest of my day, it was fine, boring but shockingly normal. The days after this also didn't have anything special, I wanted to confess to Sierra but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I just stuck with not telling her. It didn't bother me, I wanted to be closer to her, emotionally, maybe even physically but I was okay with taking my time too.

Though that part of my life was okay, something still felt off, like it was lerking in the back of my mind. I kept ignoring it, it wasn't serious, just a feeling.

A few weeks passed on like this, I was doing... ehhh fine? I spent a lot of time with Ben, which helped to be honest. Ben was a really nice guy, I was lucky to have him.

I felt like with the help of Belle and Ben, I had processed my feelings for Sierra and didn't feel all that guilty anymore. I didn't want to confess still but it was nice not trying to fight them. I finally got okay enough to spend sometime with Sierra again and so I planned to hang out with her as soon as we can!

I told Ben and he was excited for me as always but told me to think before I confess if I do. He told me that I can be rather impulsive, which I agreed to.