Downfall

18.

I never felt as embarrassed and self conscious as I did today.

I was used to having all eyes on me, used to people talking about me. I was used to it all.

But I wasn't used to having people talking about my sex tape.
They were all acting as if I did something horrible.

I just had sex with a guy I dated.

I hired the best lawyer, I was gonna sue that motherfucker for all he was worth, which was almost nothing but still.

Disney dropped me, told me they found someone else to play in Beauty and the beast.

I guess they wanted Belle to have a spotless reputation. Someone who didn't have a sex tape.

Fair enough.

Emma Watson was gonna do a great job anyways. She called me, to ask me if I would be okay with it if she took the role.

It would be crazy if she didn't take it.

But I had to admit that it hurt. I was looking forward to that role. Maybe even more than I wanted to admit.

I normally would wait for Lando outside of the hospitality, and I wasn't gonna do it any different today.

Fuck them, I wasn't gonna hide.

"Can I sit with you?" Max Fewtrell asked before sitting down. "Sure"

"Look Daisy, I didn't want to gossip about you or anything"

"You did though" I interrupted him. There was no need to lie.

He sighed. "Are you okay though?"

"Yes I am" I lied. Was good at that. "Did you really not watch it?"

"I promise Daisy, I don't wanna watch it" he chuckled. "Did you watch it?"

I obviously did watched it. Wanted to see when it was taken, because I had no idea he made a tape.

Wasn't aware of it at all.

And unfortunately I was drunk that night.

"I certainly did watch it" I sighed. "It's probably my most watched movie"

Max chuckled. "I liked you as Harley Quinn though, nothing can compare to that"

"Thanks Max" I laughed.

"Can we talk?" Lando tapped the table Max and I were sitting at, didn't even look at me. "In private?"

"Uh sure" I said, got up and followed him to his driver's room.

"Look Daisy, I don't want to do this, but unfortunately I have no choice" he said as soon as he closed the door behind him.

Still didn't look at me.

So I knew what was coming.

"I have to stop this little agreement." He said, still looking at the ground.

"Okay" I said. "So you didn't want to kiss me? That was just a lie? Or an act?"

"It wasn't an act, nothing was an act" he raised his voice.

"Then why do we need to stop it? I fell for you Lando, this isn't fake anymore" I took a step closer, grabbed his hands. "I actually fucking like you"

And please don't let me fall on the ground just when I need you the most.

"The FIA don't want you here anymore" he looked in my eyes. "Mclaren tried to fight against it, but you aren't welcome in the paddock, it's not a good look for the sport"

"Or for me" he added and that's what hurts the most.

Sue me for having sex with a guy who I thought was the love of my life. Sue me for trusting that he wouldn't film it and publish it everywhere when he thought I was dating someone else.

I was a good look when I had millions of followers, when I drew attention to this sport. Then they welcomed me in this paddock.

I let his hands fall out of mine. "I got it" I nodded.

"Daisy please-" he wanted to follow me, wanted to grab my hands again but I held my hand up to stop him.

"Don't, just don't" I said. "Did you watch it?" I asked as I turned to him.

He didn't answer, which was an answer by itself.

"I hope you enjoyed it"

Swallowed my tears and walked out of there. As fast as I could.

But I did it with a smile.

Even though I was breaking down inside.