Downfall

24. *

"You've a nice room" I said as I walked in Lando's room. "Yeah thanks" he shrugged.

Not that he got anything to do with that.

I sat down on the edge of his bed, felt dizzy. My body was asking me to stop taking those pills, but my head was asking for more.

Telling me I couldn't do this without those pills and alcohol.

Ignored my body and went with my head every time.

Lando sat down next to me, his hand on my back.

"Are you okay?" He frowned as he looked at me. "Yeah" I answered quickly.

He put his hand on my cheek, turning my face to his "You sure?"

"Yes Lando" I rolled my eyes. "Do you want to have sex or not?"

"No" he said, grabbed my hand and pulled me on the balcony. "It was just an excuse to get you here"

"Fair enough, but I don't wanna be here if it doesn't involve sex" I turned around but he already grabbed my hand as if he was expecting this.

"Are you serious Daisy?"

I shrugged.

He narrowed his eyes as he looked at me. "Are you on something?"

I scoffed. "No"

Yes I definitely am.

He nodded, tapped the railing of the balcony a few times.

"Will sex make you feel better?" He asked, but wasn't looking at me.

"Definitely" I lied, I was so numb, I don't think anything could make me feel better.

But he didn't complain, I knew he wouldn't. He grabbed my hand, pulled me inside and pushed me on the bed.

He took my clothes off, slowly, looking down at me as if I was a piece of art.

I hated that - because I felt so broken and he didn't even notice.

His lips brushed against my body, down my belly, to my neck and ended on my lips.

And I felt nothing.

He entered me not long after. He moaned against my lips.

Still nothing.

And that's what I wanted because I felt so much hate, I absolutely hated him but I was also attracted to him.

Sober Daisy would never have sex with him, sober Daisy would tell him to fuck off, tell him how much I hate him for leaving me.

But I haven't been sober for a long time now.

He finished, and I didn't.

I don't even know how long we had sex for.

"You definitely were beter this time" I lied. But it wasn't his fault, it was mine.

"Told you" he chuckled, moved his body to mine. He was sweating, his curls damp, a little blush on his face.

"Are you okay Daisy?" He asked, softly as if he was actually concerned about me.

"Yeah stop asking me that" I mumbled, got up and grabbed my clothes. "You can sleep here if you want?" He asked.

"Cute" I said as I put my clothes back on. "But I don't want that"

"Why not?"

Because I don't have my pills here, because I don't wanna wake up sober.
Because then I will miss you again and feel attached.

"Because we're friends" I shrugged.

"What if I don't want to be friends?"

I sighed, turned my head to him. Tried not to look at his perfect body, but his face was even worse to look at.

Because he was so fucking handsome.

"Then we will be acquaintances"

He rolled his eyes. "That's not what I meant Daisy"

"Because I'm not good for your image, for your reputation, right?" I said as I got up. "So keep your good name"

As if I would forget that.

"Text me if you want sex" I waved as I walked out of his room. That's all he wanted anyways.

Walked back in my room, finished my bottle of vodka and took one or two pills.

And fell asleep soon after.