Welp... Now What?

What I Have Done

In this entry I challenged myself to write an entire story without using the word 'The'. I can't tell if avoiding the word 'the' added to the story. I feel like it makes the writing a bit more unnatural, which is cool, but let me know what you think! Also, if you have another challenge you'd like me to take on with "Welp... Now What" be sure to comment it! I am always looking for new writing challenge ideas!

How could they forgive me for what I have done? A society cannot just forgive my crimes and expect to continue on as normal. All those people I have caused pain to in one way or another will want justice. They deserve it, and yet their government will not give it to them. Perhaps they will take justice into their own hands. I hope they do, for I cannot live like this any longer.

Could that be why I've been forgiven? Maybe their forgiveness is my punishment. No punishment, whether it be a prison cell, monetary fine, or even death, could be worse than those horrible actions I am forced to relive every night in my dreams.

If I had known there would be a tomorrow, I would have never done any of it. Who would? I hurt people, so many people. When I did it, it was a game. None of it was supposed to matter. Now they are left to suffer because of my game. Because of my actions. I can't even bring myself to speak of them. They are too awful to speak out loud. By not bringing them to my mind I hope to forget.

As hard as I try, my subconscious will not let me forget. I see their faces whenever I close my eyes. It is hardest at night when my thoughts are most quiet. Distractions help, but memories of what I've done still randomly emerge. Perhaps that is you God, punishing me for my actions with my own guilt.

I did not believe in you then. If only I had, maybe I would not have done any of it. I certainly wouldn't have. Would it have mattered? I am clearly capable of truly dreadful deeds. It does not make one better from abstaining from such horrific deeds if they only do so to avoid punishment. Does it? Do all humans have deep dark desires to do what I have done, or am I a devil?

There is no devil, just me, a man who did so many awful things that night. That idea of a devil seducing me to do evil is just an excuse I wish I believed in to ease my conscience. There is no devil for there is no God. No God would create a man like me to do such horrid things.

I pray I am wrong. I truly hope there is a divine punishment for all I have done. An eternal sleep with no dreams seems far too merciful. It is in my dreams after all that they haunt me.