Kyman Oneshots

Raccoon Cartman

What if Cartman makes a deal with the devil and costs him to be an animal in exchange?
.

It all started on 4th September where the fall season is coming up.
Just another day where his mother is having sex with a stranger again, Cartman was so fed up with his mother's moaning over some strangers' names, it's like a habit for Cartman now to face them.

Cartman sighed and decided to leave his house for a walk, usually he would go to his best friend's house, Kenny. But now, he's not in the mood to come over to one of his friends' houses, so he decides to walk to Stark's pond.

When he made it, he was met by a giant figure that's known as the keeper of the pond.

Of course he was shocked but before he shouts the pond's keeper cut him off, "Greetings young one, I'm surprised that you know this place, what brings you here?"

"Excuse me? Me and my friends have gone here many times now! Since when there's a keeper like you here?!" Cartman exclaimed, the pond's keeper sighed

"Indeed, humans are so one-minded... However, my question is still the same, what brings you here?"

"Well, i just wanted to take a break from my mom" Cartman sighed

"Hmm, your mother? Could you tell me more about what's wrong with your mother?"

"Ugh, why would I tell you?! You're so annoying!' Cartman grunts, the pond's keeper sighs again

"Fine, just so you know I'm not just a keeper here, i make a deal with humans like you."

"Deal?"

"Yes"

"Kewl" Cartman smirked, the pond's keeper looked at him confusedly.

"Okay then, so, since i was born i never met my father before. Maybe if you give me a man that's like a father to me i would be very happy" Cartman told the pond's keeper

"Understood, but every deal must have its consequences. Are you ready for that young man?"

"Yes, I'm sure of it" Cartman dared.

"Okay then, in order to fulfill your wish, you might turn out to be an animal when the people you love don't reciprocate your love for them"

"WHAT?!"

"The deal is a deal, young one"

Cartman stayed quiet for a while and thought, " i mean, it's not that bad at all since no one cares for me anyway.."

He then looks at the pond's keeper, "fine, deal." Then they shook their hands.

.

The next day, Cartman goes to school like usual, meeting Kenny, Stan, and the one he admired the most, Kyle Broflovski. It's been 2 months since he found out his feelings over the red haired boy but he decided to turn his feelings into an insult that he usually throws at the red haired boy.

He knows damn well that Kyle might not reciprocate his feelings, but he can't help still hoping he would like him back.

"Will you shut up, Fat ass?!" The red haired boy yelled at the fat boy, just another day with another bickering came out from the two kids.

"You're not my mom, Kahl. You shouldn't order me to do something!" The fat boy exclaimed.

"Ugh! You're so unbearable! This is why no one likes you! Even your mom didn't like you!"

Ouch. That really hurts for some reason. Yes, indeed, they always fight but, this time the words came out of Kyle's mouth really sending him a pang to his heart.