Matt Sturniolo ☹️❤️

Why Did That Hurt

TW: self harm, scars, mention of panic attack
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Matt's POV:
I woke up in my bed, my head is throbbing and my body aches. I flutter my eyes open just to see that Nick and Chris on my left and right, wait what happened?

Oh. Suddenly it all hits me and I remember what happened, how I freaked out when they asked if I was ok and then had a fucking panic attack. God, could I be any more pathetic. My eyes are still a little swollen from crying and as I mentioned before my headache.

Slowly..I try to get off the bed without waking them up. As I startled rustling the blanket to get out, Chris wakes up. Fuck. I pretend as if I don't notice and get up from the bed, as i'm walking to the door, I hear rustling from the bed. Chris had woken Nick up.

  "Matt." My heart drops as I hear Nicks voice behind me.
I turn around and stare at Nick and Chris, tears slowly forming in my eyes, I need to go to right now.
"Where are you going?" Nick asks me while Chris is next to him. Shit. Fuck. No. Why.
"Umm" My voice cracks like an idiot.
"Just going to the washroom" I say pointing to the door, my eyes are now glistening.
"Alright, but when you're back. We need to talk" Nick says sternly.
"Mhm" I manage to say. As I approach the bathroom tears are already falling from my eyes, i'm just so tired. I open the door and make sure to lock it when I close it this time.
I slide down the wall and start sobbing, tears won't stop falling. Quickly, taking my phone out of my pocket and sliding off the case, I look at the blade. The blade which I find comfort in, the blade that has dried blood on it, the blade that helped me too many times to count.

Hurriedly, I pull my pants down to my knees, with my hands shaking I drag it across my thigh, watching the blood droplets slide down my thigh and hitting the floor. The relief I feel is all worth it, I used to say I wouldn't get addicted and that it'd be a once in a while thing, but I never realized how much comfort i'd find in cutting myself, how much relief the pain gave me, the addicting feeling of every single cut.

I drag it across my thigh a few more times, hissing at the pain. Watching my thigh getting more and more soaked in blood and tears. I snap out of the feeling and start cleaning the blood when I hear Nick and Chris talking outside the door. Using up the entire paper roll and flushing it down the toilet- so no one would see the blood in the trash can.

I slowly walk out the washroom, limping, heart pounding. I really don't want to talk to Nick and Chris; I go back to my room, looking at my feet as I walk in.

Third Person POV:
Matt walks into his room, he's sweating, fidgeting with his hands. He's so sure that Nick and Chris have found out his secret. With his hand shaking he opens the door and stands there.
"Matt, come sit we wanna talk" Nick asks him gently.
Matt sits down on the bed next to them, he doesn't feel real. He feels like his body is separate and he's just a ghost watching himself from outside. He isn't processing what Nick and Chris are saying- or doing.

Chris places his hand on Matt's thigh for comfort (not weirdly). Matt winces in pain- as the cuts are fresh. Chris, neither Nick seems to notice yet.
"Matt you've been distant lately and me and Chris are worried, you also had a panic attack last night when we asked if you were okay" Nick mutters softly
"Matt PLEASE talk to us i'm begging you!" pleads to Matt.

Chris squeezes Matt's thigh to show him that he's there for him, to comfort him- so he thought it would comfort him.

Matt's POV:
"Matt PLEASE talk to us i'm begging you!" I hear Chris say before he squeezes my thigh.
Without thinking, I flinched and quickly stood up, tears forming in my eyes. I stare at Chris and Nick, i'm in disbelief, please tell me they don't know. Please, please i'm begging. Chris's face instantly drops, Nicks right after he realized what happened. 
   No, no, no, no.
"Matt." Chris says, I just stare back at them, my tears threatening to fall with the lump in my throat.
"Why did that hurt." Nick says strictly, no please don't let him be mad at me.
I try to leave the room but Nick gets up and grabs my wrist, I try to get his hand of me, but it doesn't work.
"Matt, why did that hurt" He says it again, but this time more loudly and madder.
"IT DIDN'T HURT HE JUST SCARED ME" I yell loudly as sobs begin to leave my mouth.
"JUST LET ME GO PLEASE" I yank my arm from Nick's grip, but then Chris blocks the door.
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please let me know your guys opinions on this
matt ☹️☹️
also im sorry this chapter is kind of short, but ill try to update once a day, but i dont know