Shutout

Chapter 27 - It Is Time to Celly: The Experiences and Lives of Queer NHL Players

Liam recalls being very depressed during this period. He even sought help from a sports psychologist and briefly took medication to help his mood. It was the support of his teammates and managers and fans and golf buddies that he lifted himself again. It took work to be himself again, he says, but he slowly got there. And when he did, it was scary but exciting. Because he was this whole new person, but he had always been there. He could say and do so much more now. But he also had to be so much more careful.

He still mourns his relationship with his dad, but he's happy with who he is. He's now in Toronto, in the cold as he loves. He's learning to be part of the vivid queer life there, including becoming friends with Shane Youngman. He still golfs whenever it's good weather. Although he is not dating anyone, his teammate's girlfriend created a Tinder profile for him. "I don't really have pictures of myself, so she ended up using roster pictures. It looks like a total catfish account." He doesn't think he'll ever use it, but it's funny to look at. He's afraid of large bodies of water, even after living in Califonia, and is allergic to garlic.

[Photo: Liam smiles at the camera while holding his phone up right next to his face. On the phone screen is a profile from a popular dating app. The profile uses Liam's roster photo, which shows him partially dressed in his hockey uniform. Caption: Most people think it's a fake profile, but if you match, Liam has decided to offer personal messages of encouragement.]

When I asked Liam about his future, he sighed and took a few moments to really think. Then he simply stated, "I think I'm going to be even more content with my life. I need to stop fearing people's opinions and care more about who I am. But that will take time." It might, but it's a plausible future for a man who has already come so far from the terrified man in the tabloids.

Shane Youngman is a Candan boy through and through. He grew up in the nice suburbs of Toronto, playing street hockey with his friends. His mom always wanted him to be a musician like herself, the piano in particular, but Shane liked the rough and tough tumbling of hockey and the satisfying feeling when the puck enters the net. That being said, Shane is still a particularly talented piano player, and if there is one at their hotel, he'll play for his teammates and other hotel guests. 

He only had an older sister who was nearly ten years older, so they fought for most of his childhood. He was always the annoying little brat brother who was gross or in the way. She was the annoying, snotty sister who treated him like a baby. Luckily, as time passed and they both matured, they rekindled their relationship and became close. In fact, not only is Shane the proud uncle of two little girls, but he's also their godfather. He couldn't see them in person all that often because of the travel schedule and their location in Toronto. But now that he is retired, he spends many afternoons watching after them while their mom is at work. "Admittedly, I'm not a tough parent. I probably spoil them too much. But how can I not?"

Shane, very clearly having a promising future, actually attended a high school in Eastern Canadia that was just for young hockey players. It was an all-boys school where all the boys were at the age of raging hormones and messy needs. It was in the dorm of that high school that Shane had his first same-sex sexual encounter. It was messy and awkward and not actually that enjoyable, admittedly. "It almost made me second guess my attraction to men." After many years of being packed around with boys and having no privacy, Shane had plenty of nice opportunities as well. 

[Photo: it is a team of teen boys in their hockey gear. They are piled into the screen and have a large silver trophy in front. Caption: Liam is the third boy on the bottom row on the right. He admittedly didn't hit his growth spurt until he was in the AHL.]

After being drafted into the AHL, Shane played for two years, waiting for his moment to rise. AHL was a period of exhaustion, sore asses from bus rides, and secret meet-ups in visiting cities. Those years seem so much longer than two to Shane. They were rough, and every night, he went to sleep, dreaming of waking up for a call that would change his future. That call didn't wake him up, but it made his spark spark nonetheless. He was being called up to the Flordia Glades. A bit hotter than he expected but so exciting nonetheless. He was an NHL player, and he would make damn sure that he stayed as one.