Shutout

Chapter 13 - Logan

I hesitate outside of Kane's front door. It's all the same as all the times before that I've stood outside it. The wind is blowing, so the little pride flag flaps as hard as it can. The doormat, one that says "welcome" in beautiful cursive, isn't crooked. The sun is beginning to set behind my back, almost like a timer for me to get my act together. 

I've had dinner with Kane enough times to lose count. I shouldn't be nervous. I'm a grown man, for fucks sake, not a teenager. Why am I scared to knock on the door and all the things that will follow? Why do I taste the wrong words on my tongue, and my manners disappear? Why do I feel like I'm bound to ruin everything I value?

I haven't been on a date for over a year, and even then, the date part was questionable. It was just the lead-up to messy sex and forever goodbyes. Maybe this is what it feels like to care about your date? The ending is unknown, but you don't want to mess it up. 

My whole body shivers from the cold, so I force myself to suck up a deep breath. I let it settle in my chest for longer than I should before blowing out. Then I push the doorbell. 

As usual, it takes a minute for anything to happen. I can imagine Kane being one of those people who take forever to get ready for a date, so he's scrambling to finish before he opens the door. Or he was sitting on the couch watching Supernatural, and the doorbell caught him off guard. 

Whatever it is, the door eventually opens. The light from behind illuminates Kane in a kind of way that is like a painting. He is actually ready to go, in a long dark coat with his black cane resting underneath his left hand. His hair is a bit neater than usual, but his smile is the same. I cling to it. 

"Hi."

I breathe out, "Hi."

We stand in the moment for too long, considering the cold weather, but we do it anyway. I hope he can see I put effort into my outfit and not my usual sweats and t-shirt that he sees me in. I hope he can see how eager I am to make his night and let it end all sweet and soft like he deserves. 

"Well, are we ready to go?" He asks.

I straighten in place, "Yeah, yeah. I'll be driving us. Do you...need anything else?"

I step back when Kane steps out of his house and pulls the door shut behind him, "Nope. I'm ready to go, chauffeur."

I smile at his comment but decide to let up on the perfect act for a moment too, "Not even going to play nice tonight, huh?" We walk the small distance from his front door to my car.

"Nope. Gotta protect my heart, you know? Can't let a man like you hurt me on the first date."

We slide into the car, which I thankfully already started and had the heat going. It's much darker inside, so I don't get to see his little face star and starry eyes behind his thick glasses frames.

"I could say the same for you."

I can't see him, but I can imagine the disbelief on his face as he scoffs, "As if. I'm an angel; you're fine."

I can't help but laugh a bit, "Yeah, okay."

On the drive to the restaurant, Kane asks me about my day off and my coming days. I've always been pretty boring on my day off and usually spend it on the couch, catching up on TV and talking to my family. My mom was thrilled to hear from me, so we talked for a while about the rest of the family and my season. I had to reassure her that I was okay and making friends like I was in college or something. 

The traffic is kind of shit because it's a Friday not so many people are out on the town, but we still manage to make it to the restaurant in time for the reservation. I was scrambling to find a good place, so I made the mistake of asking Bac where he usually takes his dates.