Shutout

Chapter 28 - It Is Time to Celly: The Experiences and Lives of Queer NHL Players

Corbin describes himself as single-minded. When he's focused on something, he's focused and dedicated to it. Therefore, he can't recall having many hobbies while he was an active player. Sometimes, he would go play golf with his teammates, and he learned yoga. He's a health nut that has always been on some kind of nutrition program. However, his current diet is much more lenient than when he was a player. His mom has always hated it.

He came out to his parents when he was 32. After hiding his secret for so long, he just got tired of disappointing his mom because he wasn't finding a pretty girl to date and likely never would. His parents were understandably stunned, and it took them a couple of days to recover. But when they did, they were adamant about their love for him. That made it a bit easier to accept himself.

It was in the last two years of his career that he met his current partner. They met at a bar, not a gay one, and hit it off. He successfully played it off as a male friendship for years with the people who mattered to him. Only a few ever found out the truth. This relationship helped Corbin accept his sexuality and to stop feeling shameful for who he is and his sexuality. His partner taught him that self-love occurs before you can love anyone else. Slowly, he began to see how wrong it is that people are treated as disgusting or offensive because of who they are attracted to. He began to see the deplorable ways both society and hockey culture treat gay and bisexual men. It's not him that's the problem.

He is utterly grateful that his partner agreed to be in the closest with him for those last two years of his career. Without his partner, there is little chance he would have played for as long as he did. After 20 seasons, Corbin hung up his pads and became a civilian. It was a hard change for him because of his supposed single-mindedness. But he had someone by his side to help him. He began to work more in the gym and learned that he could become a personal trainer and yoga teacher. It was perfect for his health-nut personality. He only does it part-time; the rest of the time, he dedicates it to keeping up the house as his sister-in-law and her two kids live with them.

When Corbin woke up from a nap to the Instagram post of Eric Huet and his partner, Corbin's brain stopped working for a moment. He thought it was a joke or something, "I didn't believe that it was actually his account posting that. I thought it was a mistake." But it wasn't a mistake. And for the first time in his life, Corbin could look up to a gay hockey player, something he had wished for as a young man. 

Corbin is adamant that he has never been very courageous. He knows with his whole heart that he could have never been he first. He could have never been the initial trailblazer for other hockey players to look up to. It just isn't his style, apparently. So, seeing Huet's post, his life changed. Suddenly, with one Instagram picture, Corbin had so much freedom. "It might have appeared like I was ever more free just because someone else had come out before me. But it changed literally everything, including how I felt about myself and my own relationships. I don't know if Erik Huet is aware of how much he changed for queer hockey players. But personally, he changed my life. And I will be utterly grateful for that for the rest of our lives."

It took Corbin two more years to prepare to come out. Two years to gather all his energy and courage. First, he informed all his friends through his hockey career. Like Shane, most were accepting and eager for him to come out, too. They thought it was fitting that Corbin was dating an older, taller man. Corbin would train himself in the mirror at night how to look when the press ever hounded him and his partner. He would constantly double-check with his partner that it was okay to come out—which his partner always assured him it was okay. 

After two years, he was ready. He had a script ready and memorized. He made sure his hair looked good, and he was wearing a nice shade. His partner smiled confidently and encouragingly from behind the camera.