INFERNO

Lipstick on a Pig

TW: Body Dismorphia

I am lying on the sofa as I scroll through tiktok. There are so many pretty girls in my FYP. They are skinny and have good figure. I ran upstairs holding my phone, where there stood a girl, she's so perfect. She was wearing a shirt that hugs her body, a mini skirt that suits her slim legs, her hair was long and shiny, and she wears makeup but it looks natural. I smiled while staring at this girl, then I looked in the mirror. I was wearing a hoodie, my hair in a messy bun and I have my glasses on. I badly wanna become her, the girl on tiktok.

I started to look for a shirt that fits me too and not some baggy hoodies, then I look for a skirt and readied it because I'm so gonna wear that tomorrow. I grab my sister's makeup pouch and hide it in my drawer.

..

School will start in 2 hours and I just finished taking a bath. I grab the outfit and wear it, just like how that girl dresses in school. I always wear oversized shirts so it somehow felt-new. I grab the hair dryer and blow my hair dry and brush my hair and let it down. I then grab the makeup pouch and start to watch a tutorial on Youtube. There I start with foundation, mascara and I am good to go.

My heart beats so fast as I walk in the hallway. I hope my classmates likes me. 

When I open the door, everyone stopped talking to look at me. Suddenly, someone laughs and a girl shush him, but she was kind of giggling too. 

What's wrong? Do I look funny? 

I started to worry about my appearance because my classmates were staring too much and when the bell rang, I rushed to the bathroom and there stood a girl. I noticed her arms, it was fat and her belly was noticeable too, her thighs look like a mom's and her makeup was a mess, like as if she intended to be a clown.

And then I realized, the girl in the mirror was no other than myself. Tears started running down my cheek as I realized, I wasn't someone I expected to be.

PS: Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health condition in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.