Inseparable

When sickness comes honesty

I've been throwing up ceaselessly the last 4 hours. There's  a knock so Leah goes downstairs, I hear my mam and dad's voice, all of a sudden a girl walks in the room. "Amelia what's up?" Isabelle asks in panic. "How did you get in here so fast?" I ask her
"I ran" she says breathlessly.  I roll my eyes and throw up again in a bag Leah got for me. Isabelle comes close. "Izzy don't come near me, I don't want you to catch this" I tell her

She smiles "thanks" she says. "But your ill and I'm gonna help you whatever you need" she adds
"I need Leah" I tell her. "And get another bag for me" I say
She walks away and my parents walk in with my girlfriend. My mam rushes to my side and puts her head on my forehead. "Hun have you taken your tablets?" She asks me
"Yeah, I took them this morning" I answer
'What tablets?" Leah asks me
"She needs her anti- depressants every morning alongside her iron tablets and her vitamins as she doesn't eat enough for her vitamins" my mam lists.
"Mam I had everything" I tell her. "I always do" I say
I stand up and walk to the bathroom, I feel myself throwing up even more. Leah walks in and tied my hair up for me as well as helping me change my jumper and clean my face. I smile at her
"I love you" I say to her, "I love you too" she says

"Have you had every single one of your tablets?" She asks me. "I'm sorry I never told you I had them, but yes I have" I say
"It's fine, I get it. And good, I'm glad you've had them. What have you are recently?" Leah asks me
"Other than you" I say and Isabelle walks in. "Er- yeah" she says and walks back out. Leah laughs
"Erm, just same as you" I say

"So probably not food poisoning then, but you seem to be better. You got up to go to the bathroom" Leah says
"I guess" I say
She hugs me and says "I'll go speak to your mam, just shout me if you need me"
"Okay" I say and she walks out

So when do I tell her I was pregnant?

Flashback

I wake up, Leah had already left for training. I reach for my phone and see the time 10:41am. I lie in bed on my phone scrolling through TikTok. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, I go downstairs and have my tablets and some scrambled eggs. I sit down eating, I eventually go in the shower and change into a white top alongside some leggings, I sit in the living room and see an advert on tv. About pregnancy. It said symptoms could be anything even things like sharp pains in stomach. I started overthinking it, who wouldn't?

I get in my car and drive to the closest pharmacy. I see Beth in there. "Shit" I say as I walk in, she looks at me and comes over. "Hi Amelia, what you doing here?" She asks me. "Just getting my iron tablets" I say with a smile, "how about you?" I ask. "Vivs ill so I was just picking up some antibiotics" she says with a smile. "Anyway I'm going, see you around" she says and leaves, "yeah see you" I say

I look around the pharmacy until I see the pregnancy tests, I pick up loads of brands and head to the counter. I pay and chuck them in a bag and embarrassingly walk back to my car. I get home and see Leah's car already pulled up. I don't get the bag out of my boot and just walk inside, "where were you?" Leah asks me
"Erm, I just went to see Liv" I tell her. "Is she okay?" Leah asks
"Yeah" I tell her

"Is it okay if I go round to Kim's? She is planning-" she says and I interrupt her, "Leah you don't have to ask me to go round to your friends house. Of course you can go" I tell her, I was definitely happy. After a while she leaves. I knew I couldn't tell her yet. I got the bag out the boot and sat with it in my hands, I couldn't do this alone. I didn't know how to, or when too. But not yet. I chuck the bag in the wardrobe and I never look at it again.

Present time

I only assumed I was pregnant, it would make sense considering my stomachs been weird and I've been sick quite often once I've woken up. But I never told Leah cause she was at training, I don't want to worry her but I think I need to tell her. I didn't even know how to start this conversation, I think back to what Cara said about any good girlfriend should support you. But Leah would support me? What if I want an abortion? Would she support me then? Or would she make me keep the baby? The baby I don't want? Or do I? Who knows if I'm even pregnant? This might be a fantasy.

She walks in and leans down "what's up?" She asks as she strokes her fingers over my cheeks. "I'm sorry" I feel myself cry out. "I'm so so sorry" I say
"Why?" She asks and closes the door as she sits next to me holding onto me tight.

"I need to tell you something, something I've been terrified about" I cry
"Tell me" Leah says calmly
"You know how when we broke up?" I ask through tears
"Yeah" Leah says pulling me in tighter.
"And I went to Olivia's" I add
"Mhm" Leah says
"He had sex with me" I cry
"A-and I think - I think I'm pregnant" I say

"Okay" Leah says, I can tell she's processing it all. "I should've told you sooner but I'm scared Leah, I'm scared about what you think of me" I say

"I think of you like I always do, nothing will ever change how much I love you and how much I care about you, if you went to keep it I'll support you and if you don't I'll support you. This is your choice and don't be influenced by anyone else okay" Leah says and kisses my head.

"I don't even know for sure Leah" I say

"Do you have any tests?" She asks

"Yeah" I say. "In the wardrobe, in a plastic bag" I say
She leaves and gets it.

She's there through it all. I see as the time goes down on the stopwatch on Leah's phone, waiting for us to turn it over. Are we gonna be happy? Sad? I don't know. I don't fucking know. And that's what kills me.