GAP 3: FOREVER STARTS NOW

CHAPTER 58 : FORGIVE AND FORGET

For the first time in a while, Sam felt Mon's sincerity when she said she would stay and never leave

She looked into her wife's eyes, wanting to see clearer if her desperate need to hear those words had just deceived and deluded her into believing they were real

She had trouble with perceiving reality for a while now, and she was afraid that this was one of those moments of momentary delusion

She looked for any traces of doubt or uncertainty in Mon's face and realized that there were none

She pinched her waist and smiled when she felt pain

Her heart skipped a beat, and a shackle that had kept her in terror was finally chipping away...

She felt liberated

She felt happy... genuinely happy

Mon didn't know how long she had desperately waited to hear her reassurance

Now that she finally did, she felt like she could finally breathe

Mon may not have admitted to it before, but Sam knew... she knew that Mon was constantly hanging in the edge, uncertain on what to do with their relationship

Even the proposal and the marriage were merely cleverly hidden designs to make her feel comforted and assured, but it didn't solve anything

All it did was disguise the pain

She didn't doubt that Mon loved her because she knew she did, but she doubted her will to stay with her

If there's one thing the past has taught her, it was that love alone wasn't enough

She knew it was her fault
All of it was her fault
She pushed her, used her, and took her granted

She didn't give her the love she deserved when she needed it and to make it even worse...

when she finally decided to turn a new leaf and love her better, it was because Mon had enough of her

It was driven of fear and not of genuine realization of her wrongs

She didn't grow willingly

She was forced to adapt

She did what she did because she believed she had no other choice but to do it and not because she wanted to

The situation had forced her to temper herself...
To adjust and to compromise...
And that left her lost

She didn't have the time to forgive herself, and so she projected out her insecurities and regret

Sam and Mon both tried to make it work because they couldn't afford to let go of each other

But without letting go of the past, they couldn't move forward, and they did everything but tried to forget

They instead tried to evade...
To ignore the signs and pretend that everything was alright

But like everything in life, everything came crashing down when they least wanted it to

And that led them both here...

both broken and both in a constant brink of insanity

The saddest part was that no one was willing to admit the whys and kept waiting for things to change and get better.

They were both trapped in a cycle of misery, hatred, denial, and fear

The frustration led them to constantly argue and fight, then left them deflated and drained