Bits of Life

V. Love Is Always True. If It's Not True, It's Not Love.

This story is about a friend we will call Achilles and a supposed Patroclus. But this story could be about you, too.

Achilles first met Patroclus in a pub. Before closing hours, there had already been a lot of reasons to call it a night and go home. But something is telling Achilles to stay a little bit longer. Actually, there is this other boy from the nearby table that caught his attention for quite some time that night.

Achilles' friends, being the open-minded and supportive ones, made sure he and Patroclus got to know each other before the night ended. Not for long, they merged tables, and soon discovered that Patroclus was also into him. It was a good night for both Achilles and Patroclus.

Moving forward to a couple of weeks, Achilles and Patroclus were already dating. Patroclus, whose work shift is daytime, would come by and visit Achilles in his workplace as he was working during the night. They would go out as other couples would - eat out, have coffee, and would even stroll together enjoying each other.

Patroclus sure was Achillles' answered prayer. Until Achilles prayed that hopefully, Patroclus is a man of pure love.

Then in a snap of a finger, Patroclus closed his doors to Achilles. There was a reason, yes - it was when Achilles was a little late in preparing for their agreed time to go on a supposed date. Achilles tried his best to apologize and clear things up - he was actually attending to another friend who was challenged between life and death. But this reason never reached Patroclus. How can it when he has shut the door and showed no interest in unlocking the bars.

This brought Achilles into a chaotic void. Sleepless were his nights. Clouded was his mind. Aching was his heart. Worst of all, he lost his appetite - both in nutriment and in his life's purpose. Achilles starved both his body and heart.

A few days ago, Achilles told me he is coping. He has accepted the fact that Patroclus was only an episode in his life. But there are times that everything flashes and comes back to him. Everytime this happens, it makes him over think again. This made him question his worth. This made him doubt his purpose of existence.

If we are in Achilles' shoes, how are we to move on? How are we to overcome this sudden rejection?

Perhaps, the following would somehow be a nutritious food for the soul:

Love is true. Always true. There is no such thing as fake love. If it's not true, it is not love. One can tell you and even show you they love you when in reality they are only using you. It's not "fake" love. It's not love at all.

Now, when we have established that it is love you are giving or receiving, we go back to the scriptures to strengthen its existence. We examine it against 1 Corinthians 13.

"(4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. (5) It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

(8) Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."

Is the person whom you believe who loves you qualify with all these? Are you, as someone who loves, qualify with all these? Are we purely in love with the other person or are we only in love with the feeling of attractiveness towards the other person? - only in love with the idea of being with somebody? Vague as it is almost always is, we should pursue the wisdom to know the difference.

When someone hurts you, is that reason enough to inflict and further hurt yuorself? - physically, emotionally? Remember, shoes and people have something in common, if it hurts, it's not your size. It's not for you.

When we get hurt by loving, should we stop hoping to find love again? Should we stop using our hearts to safeguard it?

I remember my favorite film Home Alone starring Macaulay Culkin. In the second film, his character Kevin, was talking to the Pigeon Lady (Brenda Fricker) about how she got hurt and stopped hoping for love again - because she was afraid her heart would get broken again. As a kid, Kevin gave this analogy: He had a pair of rollerblades. He never wanted them to get broken so he kept them inside their box. Then, he outgrew them.

Of course, a person's heart and feelings are very different from skates. But his point is that they're kind of the same thing. "If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you decide to try it, it won't be any good."

For all the Achilles out there, we hurt because we love. And when we pray for a love that is pure and it goes away, then your prayer is somehow answered. It might not be as pure as you think because love is always true, and if it is not, it is not love at all. Try again. Love again. In the words of J.K. Rowling, "Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world."― Minerva Mcgonagall.