Love lays embedded deeply within the practice of deception. We immerse ourselves quickly in new realities much like a curious journalism student getting a job at a BDSM club but starts to uncover things aren't quite as they appeared originally on th...
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I took Niall up on his offer to have a few more days off work. Jasper was the one who convinced me that it would be for the best after he witnessed my complete breakdown after coming home on Saturday night. He knew vaguely what happened once I calmed down enough the next day to explain it, however, it only triggered a second wave of my panic attack.
I received a sweet message from Sugar who'd not been told the full story but knew something had happened and wanted to make sure I was feeling okay, also reassuring me to take my time before coming back. It was nice to know the people I work with were supportive, Niall checked in on me a handful of times in the past few days that I haven't been working.
My next shift is Thursday so I have one more full day to prepare myself ready to go back, it's already eliciting a lot of nerves in my system. Jasper is convinced he should come along to the club to keep an eye on me but I don't want him to feel like he has to because I'm nervous.
I've turned myself into a mess of focusing on anything and everything to distract me from what happened. So when Dylan came onto me last night in desperate need of positive attention on my body after the events at the club, I caved, allowing him to get me between his bedsheets. I woke up stinking of regret that I attempted to scrub off in the shower under scalding water that rained down my body, soapy suds washing away the memory as well the stench of his cologne.
He'd left before I'd awoken for a day of lectures and studying so I didn't have to worry about making conversation or accidentally hinting at my regrets which would only cause more tension between the two of us. There's always a thick wedge lingering when we're in the same room that only eases with intoxication, at least on my end it melts away like it never existed.
But with him gone to class, it meant I could mooch around the apartment like a graceful swan wading in a river... Jasper had his brows raised at me all morning until he left. I fear he'll always be able to see through me but he can keep his assumptions because I won't ever admit to what happened last night.
Both Jasper and Kacey eventually did leave to do their own things which led me to follow, I didn't want to be all alone in the apartment in silence where I could overthink events from the past. Leading me out the door with a bag full of papers, it was nice to be out in the fresh air of the city even if it was severely polluted and not exactly fresh.
I treated myself to a hot chocolate from a small local coffee shop I found along the walk to my destination along with a pastry that intrigued me, being out in the chilly weather wasn't my favourite especially when I'm not completely bundled up for the season. I only had myself to blame, but the hot drink helped warm my system on the walk until I arrived at the corner of the street where the library resided.
Being welcomed into the building full of warmth felt heavenly, a cosy atmosphere surrounded me as soon as I entered and the warm smell of old pages filled my nostrils like a reminder of my childhood. I spent so many hours with my mum in the library near my old house, she'd always take me so we could get books out for her to read to me in the evenings. We never had a lot of money and going to a library was a perfect place to time considering it cost nothing, all of my fondest memories were created in places exactly like this.
