It ties us together, but I've never been more afraid

Chapter 4: No rest for the good

Aziraphale walked into the room he was renting. He was only in Egypt for a few nights, he was meant to help convince a man to build a well for his town, but when he arrived the well was already built.

Normally if these tasks were already done he'd be running back to Heaven to ask what else he should be doing. But this time, for the second time truly, he wasn't going to. Instead he was going to take these next few days to try and relax.

Aziraphale dealt with fatigue issues quite a bit. His cooperation seemed to struggle the longer he went on. His body always felt tired, achy, and sometimes he felt like he was on the verge of passing out.

Not to mention his soulmate's pain that he still felt distantly on an almost daily basis now. It wasn't strong enough to keep him from doing things, but his own fatigue and pain certainly was.

Aziraphale laid down on the bed, one of two in the room (they warned him that another traveler might come to stay in the room as well.) The mattress was made of straw so it certainly wasn't comfortable, but it was better than on the ground. He groaned as he laid down, his body sinking into the straw.

He didn't mind dealing with all the pain, he thought of it as a way that he got to truly experience the Earth. He hadn't thought that at the start, back when he was in the garden, but he did now. He wouldn't say he found it beautiful, but in a way it was.

At this moment however, Aziraphale could care less if it was beautiful or not. Right now all he cared about was just trying to rest so his body would hopefully heal even just a bit.

Aziraphale didn't sleep, well he didn't need to sleep. He did sleep sometimes, if he was around humans at night for whatever reason, or if his body was hurting him too much. He decided that this would be one of those times.

He tried to slow down his breathing and tried to clear his mind. He closed his eyes and just laid there, listening to the sounds around him. He could hear people on the street, he could hear someone in the next room over talking softly, he could the straw crinkle every time he moved slightly.

Despite trying to clear his mind of everything, Aziraphale couldn't stop thinking of the pain in his body. His back ached, his shoulder ached, his neck ached, all that pain was his. But his leg ached, more specifically his knee, and his hip ached. Those pains weren't his own.

He wished his soulmate would take care of themselves enough to help stop the pain they were feeling. That way both of them wouldn't be in pain. For a brief moment Aziraphale thought his soulmate was rather selfish for not dealing with the pain.

But that thought alone had Aziraphale sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He couldn't think like that, that's a truly awful way to think. His soulmate was probably struggling with how their body felt. The pain was difficult for him, so it must be unbearable for them.

He couldn't believe how he had been so rude, so ignorant, so selfish to think that way. The feeling of guilt that usually came in waves was settling back down in his stomach. He felt slight tears well up in his eyes as he gripped the side of the thin mattress, trying to ground himself before he could truly break down.

Feelings had gotten harder for Aziraphale since the last time he had seen Crawley, back at the cliffside after they left Job's home. Aziraphale was so certain that he had done enough bad that he was considered fallen, but that wasn't the case. Hearing that from Crawley hadn't helped his overall feelings, hadn't helped the guilt and sadness.

It was to the point where every time he felt even slightly guilty about anything he began to break down. He wasn't sure why. Part of him wondered if She knew what happened and She was punishing him for it. He wouldn't put it past Her.

But he pushed these thoughts away too. He couldn't blame Her for what he had done or how he was feeling. He couldn't even blame Crawley for what he had done then. He was the one who made the choice, he was the one who lied, he was the one who made his bed and now he must lie in it.

Luckily Aziraphale was able to start calming down before he had a full on panic attack. He soon resigned himself to sit near the top of the bed, his back against the wall and his knees tucked up to rest his chin upon them. He stared down at the mattress below him, most of the guilt had gone away once more, but there was still a bit left.

This guilt was purely for the fact that he had been trying to spend this time relaxing and resting his body, and here he was having breakdowns not even an hour in.

Soon a distant pain settled in his throat, near his vocal cords, and Aziraphale knew his soulmate was probably screaming again. It was something common for his soulmate for whatever reason, so at least once a month his throat hurt badly.

But soon after that Aziraphale felt a sharp pain in his chest. It soon became a sharp pain in his heart. It was still distant, so he wasn't in any immediate danger. His soulmate however didn't seem to be able to say the same.

Why were they yelling? Why did their heart hurt? Were they having a heart attack? Were they dying?

Aziraphale soon felt a sharp pain in both his knees, like his soulmate had fallen down to the ground. Soon one of his hands began to hurt. He wondered for a moment if his soulmate was being tortured. It felt like it sometimes, but at the same time this felt different.

His throat started hurting once more, so his soulmate was screaming again. Aziraphale fully started to believe that his soulmate was being tortured. How could he just sit here feeling all this pain and not be able to do a single thing about it. His soulmate was hurting, and he was damned to feel the echoes of it and do nothing but cry at the feeling.

Aziraphale felt tears run down the side of his face, but he did nothing to stop crying this time. He felt like he was mourning, and maybe he was. Maybe his soulmate was about to die. The idea of never being able to meet his soulmate before losing them was a cruel one.

Soon some of the pain began to fade slightly, the pain in his knees and hand. The pain in his throat was still there, but he could tell his soulmate wasn't screaming anymore. Were they gone? Was this it?

No, it couldn't be. He didn't feel enough pain for them to be dead. He surely would truly know when his soulmate was dead, and this was not that time.

Aziraphale let his legs straighten out and relax after a while. He wiped away the drying tears on the side of his face and he tried to think for a moment. He could try sleeping again, but there was no promise of sleeping coming to him. He decided it was worth a shot and moved to lay down again.

Right as he began to shift the door to the room opened. Aziraphale looked up at who was walking in and his eyes widened as he saw Crawley walking in.

"Crawley?" Aziraphale asked with a tone of surprise.

"Aziraphale?" Crowley asked in return and Aziraphale cringed slightly at how rough Crawley's voice sounded. Crawley saw his face and cleared his throat. "What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice slightly less rough.

"Doing good of course. What are you doing here?" Aziraphale asked as Crawley slowly, and rather stiffly, walked over to the other bed in the room.

"Doing bad of course. But I'm in this room because it's the only other bed they have available." Crawley said as he sat down on the bed, groaning slightly.

"Are you alright?" Aziraphale asked out of slight concern.

"Yep. Never better." Crawley dismissed. Aziraphale gave him a look that said 'I don't believe you' and Crawley sighed. "My soulmate is in rather a lot of pain and I am feeling it." He explained lightly.

"Ah yes, I feel the same." Aziraphale agreed and Crawley gave a vague hum in agreement as he laid down on the bed fully, closing his eyes.

Aziraphale couldn't help but notice how Crawley's hand was red and irritated, like he had been hitting something with it.

Word count: 1500