Let me love you

1

Mary had been working at the Yellowstone Dutton ranch for over five years now. She helped with the office work, assisting Jamie and John with all the paperwork and cattle sales. She was older, just a few years younger than John. She had come about working at the ranch after her husband died and she couldn't run her own ranch alone. Her husband's name was Matthew. He was a mean, hard man. They had a child together, but due to the toxic environment their marriage created, Mary gave the baby away. It broke her and she never recovered knowing her baby grew up without her. She knew what she did was right though, as Matthew would have abused that child too. Even more so as it was a baby boy. John and Matthew knew of one another and their wives had been friends. John couldn't stand Matthew, no one hardly could. That was why John had offered to buy the ranch from Mary, offering her a job and a home on his own ranch. She was happy to sell John the land that bordered the Yellowstone and was grateful for the opportunity. So, here she was currently sitting in the office of the main lodge looking over some paperwork about a new establishment being built right across their fence. Paradise Valley. She rolled her eyes at the name. She looked up as John walked into the office. "What happened to you?" She asked worried as she saw the wound on his forehead. "I'm fine. We've got bigger issues." She stood up and grabbed the paper over the new land division for the valley. "Well, I have something to show you too." John turned and looked at her confused. She extended the paper and he took it. His eyes raked over it and he sighed. "That's what I was going to talk to you about," he informed her. Mary nodded, glad they were on the same page. "Is this all you got?" He asked and handed the paper back to her. "Yes, for now." John shook his head. "This isn't going to be easy," he said, "I can feel it." Mary watched him closely. "Everything will work out," she told him. She believed in John and admired him for how hard he fought to keep his family's legacy. Mary did have feelings for him, but after her marriage to Matthew, she wasn't sure she could be in a relationship again due to the trauma that came along with it. She was also very aware of how much John loved Evelyn and it seemed like he would never move on from her. John glanced down into Mary's eyes, gaining some strength from her. John gave her a gentle smile. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he told her. Mary felt her cheeks grow hot. "You'd manage," she responded. John chuckled and patted her arm. "I'm not so sure." "Dad!" Jamie's voice echoed through the halls. Mary sighed as John's hand dropped back to his side. "Take care of that," she motioned towards his head. "It looks pretty deep." John nodded and kept his eyes on her. "I will." Mary reluctantly stepped to the side, allowing him to leave the office to find Jamie. Once Mary was the only one in the room, she sat down at the desk. She felt a connection between them, but both were too scared to make any moves. She shook her head and got back to work.
***
Mary was well aware of the sexual relationship between John and the governor. She liked Lynelle, thought she was a good woman and Lynelle thought the same about Mary. They ran into each other a few times on different occasions. Lynelle was always curious though if there was something going on between John and Mary. However, Mary was good at keeping the way she felt about John to herself and made sure she was purely professional when out in public with him. Everyone in town knew that Matthew had been a terrible husband to Mary, doing things a husband should never do. She stayed looking ahead as she overheard Lynelle and John discreetly flirting with one another before the governor walked off. Mary kept her face blank as she heard John clear his throat and shift in his seat. He looked over at Mary and wondered if she had heard their conversation, if she had, she clearly wasn't going to say anything to him about it. He liked that about Mary, respected her for it. She never questioned him, always supported him. Never forced him to talk about things he didn't want to. John thought that she had aged well, still beautiful. He blinked and looked away. John knew Mary was an attractive woman and they got along well, but he wasn't sure he wanted a committed relationship. "Anything good?" He asked her. Mary finally looked over at him. "This next group of cattle doesn't look too bad," she told him gently. John nodded and held up his auction card at the right moment and bought the herd. They stood up and left afterwards. The ride back to the ranch was a comfortable silence. When they pulled up, John parked the truck and looked over at Mary. "Thank you for coming with me," he told her. Mary gave him a gentle smile. "It's my job," she told him. John nodded. "I know. I still appreciate it though." "You're welcome," she told him and got out of the truck. Mary stayed in the main house, John not wanting her in a cabin alone. They never had done anything inappropriate. Although, Mary was present for every meal, often times planning the meals out for the week with Gator. Jamie often joked about how they seemed like an old married couple, but the two always brushed it off. "What's for dinner tonight?" John asked Mary curiously. "Barbecue chicken with succotash," she answered him. John nodded and thought that sounded good. They made their way into the dining room. "Is it just you two or will Jamie be here?" Gator asked as he finished setting the table. "Just us tonight, Gator," John answered. Lee had his own cabin and hardly came up to have dinner with them except for Wednesday nights. He nodded and walked off to plate their food. Mary sat down and poured them both a glass of water. "Wine?" John asked her as he walked over to the sideboard to pour himself a drink. "I'm alright," she replied. When John sat back down, Gator brought them their food. "Thank you," they both told him. Once he walked off, they both began eating in a comfortable silence. "I'm going to see Kayce tomorrow. There's an issue with some of our cattle getting on to reservation land. Need to go straighten it out." Mary looked up at John and nodded. "Need me to do anything?" She asked, always willing to take some of the burdens off John's back. "Not right now. Need to see how it is going to play out first. Hopefully, smoothly, but there's a new chief." Mary nodded and took a bite of her food.
****
Mary had hardly seen much of John the past two days as he had been busy on and off the ranch. Beth had arrived earlier this morning and Mary was glad to see her. Beth had come home on holidays in the past and that's how Mary met her. Beth had a hard exterior but Mary didn't take the cruel things she said to heart, understanding that Beth had also gone through trauma and it was just how she coped with it. John had informed Mary beforehand on how Beth acts and why she behaved the way she did. Mary liked Beth and could only hope for the same in return. When Mary saw Beth at the breakfast table, Beth had actually smiled upon seeing the older woman. "Well, looks like you haven't ran off yet," she joked. Mary smiled and sat across from her. "It's good to see you, Beth." John was always nervous, never knowing what was going to come out of his daughter's mouth. The last thing he wanted was for Mary to be offended or hurt by something Beth said. He did notice in the past that Mary usually brushed off what Beth had said, grateful that she understood his daughter. They ate in comfortable silence. Beth liked Mary, liked the presence of a woman in the house. Evelyn was hard on Beth. She never got to have a mother daughter relationship like she deserved. Mary was not like Evelyn. Mary was a strong, quiet woman. She stood by John's side, even though they were not together. Mary was kind to Beth and understood her outbursts. Beth wished her father would move on from her mother, knowing Mary made him a better version of himself. Mary had excused herself first, knowing she had plenty of paperwork waiting for her and she knew Beth was back to help out. Mary didn't want to get in the way so she wanted to have the office empty by the afternoon in case Beth needed it. John watched Mary walk off after telling her to have a good day. "And you two aren't together?" Beth scoffed. John looked over at her confused. "What are you talking about? I can't tell her to have a good day?" John asked perplexed. Beth shook her head. "Quit lying to yourself, daddy. It's okay to move on." John's face got hard at hearing that. "Beth, stop talking about something you have no idea about." Beth rolled her eyes. "You're only hurting yourself." She got up and walked off.
***
"Kayce's here if you want to say hi," Beth spoke as she popped her head into the office. Mary looked up from the folder and smiled at Beth for including her. She got up and walked out with the only female Dutton. Kayce noticed them and smiled. He had heard all about Mary and honestly didn't believe she existed until now. Mary watched as the youngest of the Dutton siblings greeted one another. "This is Mary," Beth introduced them. "I'm Kayce. It's nice to finally put a face with a name." Mary smiled at him. "It's good to finally meet you. Your son is darling." Kayce smiled and looked back at Tate. "Thank you," he said then turned back to talk to his sister. Mary stood comfortably as she watched the family interact with one another and she felt like this was right where she belonged. As a young girl she always dreamed of getting married and having a big family but as she grew and married Matthew, she quickly learned that that was not in the cards for her. She looked over at John who seemed the happiest version of himself in awhile. She smiled gently at him with Tate. It was clear that he loved his grandson and Mary hoped Kayce would start coming around more. John looked over and noticed Mary standing there. He didn't quite understand it, but it felt right seeing her here among his family, his children. They made eye contact and Mary gave him a gentle smile before turning to Beth who had said something to her. John watched her interact with his two children and he couldn't help but enjoy the idea of her as their mother. He snapped out of it as quickly as the thought came. He shook his head. "What's the matter with me?" He thought. The boys all went out for their afternoon of bonding and fishing. Mary and Beth went back in the house to continue what they were doing. "You're good for him," Beth told her. Mary glanced over at Beth, not sure what to say. "He's happy you're home. It made him real happy to see all his children back home, even if it was for just an afternoon." Beth looked at Mary and knew she was avoiding the topic. Beth smiled. "I see what you're doing." Mary let out a laugh. "And I see what you're doing," Mary quipped back. "Now come with me. I want to talk to you about this Dan Jenkins." Beth followed Mary into the office where they spent the afternoon figuring out all they could on this new land development.
***
Mary sat on the couch anxiously waiting on news about Lee. Beth was sitting with her while John and Jamie were outside making some phone calls. Mary liked to pride herself for being a positive person, but now all she felt was dread. She knew Lee wasn't coming home alive. Mary couldn't explain how she knew, but she did. She stood up and walked over to the window. Her heart dropped at the sight she saw. "Beth," she said as she started walking to the door, not even looking back at her. Beth quickly got up and went after Mary. Beth froze to the porch as she saw Kayce covered in blood, Lee draped over his horse. Mary watched John approach them and all she wished she coulr do was take away his pain. Mary loved Lee. He was sweet and she admired how hard he worked for his family's ranch. He often joked about her and John's relationship as well, but never pushed it. She was going to miss Lee. Mary sighed and felt her heart break a little. She looked over at Beth who was trying so hard to keep it together, but Mary could see straight through it. Mary decided in that moment that she was going to step up and be the woman they all needed right now. She pulled Beth into her side as she watched Kayce ride up, Jamie running to him. "What happened?!" Jamie asked him. Kayce looked like he was in a trance as he dismounted the horse and walked onto the porch. Mary reached out her hand and grabbed Kayce's arm. "Let's get you cleaned up," she said gently. Mary turned to look at Jamie. "Give him a second. He'll talk when he's ready." Mary could see how fast Jamie's brain was playing as he thought about the legal side of things. Jamie just nodded and the three Dutton siblings followed her inside. She had Kayce take a long hot shower. Jamie was impatiently pacing the den while Beth and Mary sat on the couch. When Kayce did come down, he just silently sat beside Mary, not once answering any of Jamie's questions. Mary sighed as she took Kayce in. He was trying to process what he had just gone through. "Enough." Mary stood up and Jamie instantly shut his mouth. "Come on," she motioned for Kayce to stand and he did so. They all took notice of how she positioned herself to be in charge and none of them had the fight to fight her. "Go home to your family." "We need answers!" Jamie interrupted but Mary shot him a look and he backed down. Kayce looked relieved and almost hugged Mary. "Jamie, call for the helicopter." He did as told and they all went outside. As the helicopter landed, John was walking over to them. "Go home and process what happened. But, you are going to have to talk about what happened eventually. It's the only way you'll being able to grieve properly." Kayce looked at her and felt as if she was speaking from experience. "Thank you," he whispered. "I'm sorry," she told him gently and rubbed his arm. He nodded and walked off towards the helicopter. John let him go. "What happened?" John asked. It looked like he had aged ten years, which broke Mary's heart a little more. "He wouldn't talk!" Jamie exclaimed, clearly stressed. Mary sighed and turned to look at the now oldest Dutton son. "Everything will be okay. You need to give him space." John looked at Mary and felt as if she was pulling some of his weight and he couldn't help but to feel relieved. "Let's go inside," Mary suggested and ushered them all into the house.
***
Mary had taken charge of planning everything for Lee's funeral, making sure everyone was okay, that the house was in order, that the ranch was still running. John was amazed by how she took charge and did a damn good job of it. Evelyn was a good wife, but she stuck to only running the house and their children, never interested in the ranch as a whole. John let Mary take charge, happy that it wasn't him having to do it alone. Mary walked down into the living room in a black dress with matching black heels, small pearl earrings and a small diamond necklace. John watched her, not being able to not stare. She was beautiful. Mary walked over to him. "Where's Jamie?" She asked as she had already noticed Beth. "Outside," John answered and reached for her hand as she stood in front of the armchair he was sitting in. Mary gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "You should be outside too," she gently reminded him. John sighed and stared at their hands for a moment before he looked up at her eyes. "Thank you for doing all of this. It was one less thing on my plate." Mary felt her heart warm. "You don't need to thank me. I know Beth would have done it for you, but she needs time to grieve too." John nodded and sat up. He pressed his lips gently to her hand and Mary thought she was going to melt. "You're a good woman, Mary." She just gave him a small smile. "You need to get out there," she reminded him again and he sighed. He stood up and walked outside, tugging on their intertwined hands, wanting her to come with him. Mary motioned for Beth to follow and quickly shook off the smirk Beth gave at them holding hands. Jamie seemed relieved once he saw his father come outside. Mary stayed beside John, his rock to lean on and draw strength from. As the pastor spoke, she felt John reach over and squeeze her hand. She glanced at him gently and drew soothing circles on the back of his hand with her thumb. Once it was over they noticed Kayce sitting in the grass. "Go to him," Mary told John. He nodded and walked away from the group. Mary helped Gator with the refreshments for everyone that came. "Where's your father?" Mary asked Jamie who was on the porch. "Saw him walk off to the barn," he replied. Mary nodded and headed off that way. As she walked into the barn she herself could almost cry as she saw John breaking down. She felt bad walking in on him, but at the same time all she wanted to do was run over and hold him. "John," she said softly. John glanced over at her and tried to let out a laugh. She approached him, resting her hand on his back. "It's okay to feel things. You don't have to hide from me." John looked at her with watery eyes. "Why, Mary? I should have seen it coming!" Mary quickly pulled John into her, holding him as if her life depended on it. He sobbed into her breast, allowing the emotions he has kept in check to finally come out. Mary held him until he was able to compose himself. "Thank you," John's voice was hoarse. "Stop thanking me," Mary teased and rubbed his back. He pulled Mary into his arms and held her. "I really don't know what I would do without you." That warmed Mary's heart. They walked back up to the house together and saw Beth and Jamie waiting for them. John cleared his throat and looked at Jamie. "I need you now more than ever." He then looked at Beth. "I want you to stick around." He looked at them both, happy they agreed. He looked down at Mary and she gave him a comforting smile. "Just tell us who to fight," Beth said. Mary looked over at her. "Everyone," she told the two Dutton offspring. They both looked back at her knowing she wasn't going anywhere and they both liked the idea of her with their father. John looked down at Mary and felt like he finally had someone on his side. Mary looked back up at him and told him everything he needed to know just with her beautiful hazel eyes.