Let me love you

3

Mary was well aware of what this day meant for the Dutton family. In the past, she usually kept to herself, allowing the family to grieve in their own peculiar ways. She didn't let John's actions affect her, reminding herself that she was an employee of the ranch, not John's partner. It still hurt though because she couldn't lie to herself and say that there was no chemistry between the two of them. She just wished John would turn to her instead of Lynelle. Mary quietly sat on the porch drinking her coffee when she took note of Beth undressing and climbing into the horse trough. John had told Mary how Evelyn died and clearly Beth blamed herself. It saddened Mary that after all these years, no one had assured her it was not her fault but that of a freak accident. She watched as Jamie ran out after her and listened to them bicker back and forth. Mary wondered what it would be like if Evelyn was still here. It hurt Mary to watch this family that she cared deeply for be so enstranged with one another. She was brought out of her thoughts to see Lynelle walking out of the front door. "Hello, Mary," she said sheepishly. Mary offered a small smile to Lynelle. "Hi," Mary said back. "Are you already leaving?" Mary asked, making small talk, not wanting the other woman to feel embarrassed. "Yes. Have a few meetings I need to get back for. It was good seeing you." Mary just nodded and watched her walk to her car, catching the glare Beth gave Lynelle. As the car left the ranch, Mary stood up, walking down the porch steps. She approached the horse trough and noticed the wary look Beth gave her. "I take it you are not a fan of the governor?" Mary teased and sat on the edge of the large metal tub. "Not in the slightest," Beth said bitterly and took a swig from the wine bottle. Mary nodded her head once before looking up at the house, noticing John standing in his bedroom window fully dressed, his eyes glued to his daughter and Mary, unsure what was going on. Mary maintained eye contact until he walked away. "Do you know what today is?" Beth asked. "I do," Mary replied and glanced over at the woman. "Your father told me what happened. I don't want to overstep when I say this, but I hope you know that what happened was not your fault. Your mother never should have put you on that horse. I'm sorry that that happened to you." Beth just stared up at the woman, pure shock written on her face. Beth looked away, feeling the hot tears pricking her vision. Mary stood up. "How about you come out of there and I'll make you some breakfast?" Mary offered and held her hand out. Beth gazed up at her hand unsure if she wanted to allow herself to be vulnerable in front of Mary. She relented and used Mary's hand to pull herself up. They went into the kitchen and found John pouring himself a cup of coffee. He looked over at them, surprised Mary got her out of the trough. "I'm going to make Beth some breakfast. Are you hungry?" John shook his head as he took a gulp of hot coffee. Beth glanced at her father and noticed the way he was looking at Mary when she turned her back to him to grab some eggs out of the fridge. She scoffed, "you should feel guilty." Beth left the room to go get dressed. John sighed and set his mug down. In the moment it didn't matter, but knowing Mary was aware of why Lynelle was here made him feel ashamed. It was easier for him to use Lynelle in that way because there was no emotional connection. With Mary it was different. He felt a strong pull towards her and he cared for her deeply. Mary looked over at him confused, but didn't press on the matter. She started cooking Beth's breakfast while John just leaned on the counter and watched. "I'm sorry," he told her. "For what, John?" She asked confused and glanced over at him. "That Lynelle was here. We were-" "John, you don't need to explain yourself," she cut him off gently. John sighed and laughed. "Then why do I feel like I do?" He asked. Mary sighed and looked at him. "John, what you do with other women is none of my business. If you're happy that's all that matters." John took a step towards her. "I want you to be apart of my business though. Lynelle doesn't make me happy. It's just easy with her-there's no strings attached." Mary looked into his blue eyes. She understood what he was implying. "I understand, John. You know I'm always right here." He nodded and laid a hand on her arm. "I know, honey." Mary turned to finish Beth's breakfast and plated it for her. Beth came in and Mary gave her the plate. "Thank you," Beth said quietly. "You're welcome." Mary cleaned up the mess while Beth ate at the counter, John sitting beside his daughter, not once taking his eyes off of Mary.
***
Mary sat in the office quietly as she listened to John talk to Beth. Mary was unsure at John's proposal for Beth to run for attorney general instead of Jamie. She looked at John but he didn't change his mind. Mary sighed and left the room so they could meet with the politicians. Mary saw Jamie on the front porch. "Are you okay?" She asked as she took a seat next to him. "I feel let down. That is supposed to be me in there. I try so hard but it's never enough for him." Hearing that broke Mary's heart. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I see how hard you try and I'm so proud of you, Jamie." Beth stepped out onto the porch and glanced between Jamie and Mary, noting how similar their features were. She looked at them with a puzzled expression before Jamie stood up and threw some smart ass remark in her face. Jamie didn't want to fight in front of Mary though so he took Beth down to the barn. Mary sighed and waited for the politicians to leave before going inside. She found John standing in front of the fireplace drinking a glass of whiskey. "How'd it go?" She asked curiously as she took a seat on the couch. John looked over at her. "Pretty good," he replied. "You seen Jamie?" He questioned. Mary nodded and looked into John's eyes, wanting to understand his view on all this. "Yeah. How is he?" John walked over and sat next to her. "Upset. This was the path you chose for him, John, and he has worked his whole life to get to this point." John felt bad knowing hurting Jamie also hurt a piece of Mary. "Mary, I'm not doing this on purpose. I'm just trying to do what is best for the ranch." Mary reached over and grabbed his hand. "Don't take this the wrong way, but, have you ever thought about doing what is best for your children?" She gazed up at him, hoping she didn't overstep. John sighed. "I've always imagined doing what was best for the ranch was best for the kids. As long as I have the ranch, my children and grandchildren will always have something." The reasoning made sense to Mary, but she was more concerned about the family then the ranch. "I understand that. However, you can't keep the ranch if you're losing your family in the process." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. John nodded but before he could reply, the front door swung open, revealing Beth who's side of her face had a nice bruise already forming. Mary shot up from the couch and approached Beth. "What did he do to you?" She asked. John looked at them confused and followed after Mary. "He's a little bitch," Beth said as Mary carefully cupped Beth's face, inspecting where he punched her. Mary looked back at John, a fearful look in her eyes. John sighed and looked at Beth. "Are you okay?" He asked her. "I'm fine," she said and went to pour herself a drink. Mary started out the front door, John going after her. "I'll talk to him, Mary. I don't want you getting involved." John had stopped her before she could leave the porch. Mary felt tears in her eyes. "He isn't supposed to be like this. He knows better. He's better than that man." John quickly pulled her into his arms. "I know. I'll put an end to it." Mary took a shaky breath and relaxed in John's embrace. She felt him place a kiss against her head. "Are you okay?" He asked her quietly. "Yes. It just brought up so much pain. The reason I gave him away was so he wouldn't become like that monster." John sighed and cupped Mary's face. "You did the right thing, honey. He won't turn out like him. It was just a moment of weakness. I promise you, he will not do it again." Him and Mary walked back inside. "I'm going up to bed," Mary told John. He nodded and kissed her forehead. Mary looked at Beth. "You should ice that," Mary suggested before making her way upstairs.
***
Later on, John found Jamie in the den drinking. "I want to talk to you," John said and sat across from him. Jamie eyed him before taking a swig of whiskey. "I don't need your permission to run for office," he said, "but I would expect your support." John sighed and stood up. "You have my support, but let me tell you this: if you ever hit your sister again, I will put your head through the goddamn wall."
***
After the conversation John had with Jamie, he decided to go down to the barn and check on the horses, needing to cool off. He spotted Jimmy cleaning up the barn. "Mr. Dutton," Jimmy greeted him and set his shovel to the side. "Hi, Jimmy." John walked over to the stallion's stall and looked back over at Jimmy. "What's your family like?" John asked him curiously. "Well, when my grandmother died, the rest of our family pretty much died with her. I admire how you've kept your family together, sir." John let out a breath and slowly shook his head. "Her death killed this family too, it's just taking longer to die." Jimmy looked at him puzzled. "I-well-I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but from me being new here, I thought Mary was your wife until I found out the truth. Seems to me she helps you keep your family together." Jimmy glanced around the barn. "Well, I better finish locking up." John nodded. "Goodnight, Jimmy." John walked back up to the house mulling over Jimmy's admission. He had realized that since all his children were back on the ranch, Mary had taken charge with attempting to keep everyone and everything in order. John will never forget how she did everything for him when Lee died. John walked through the quiet house until he found himself standing outside of Mary's bedroom door. He held his hand up to knock but froze unsure. John for once in his life felt nervous. He knocked lightly on the door, sure that she was asleep. After a few seconds he turned to head towards his room until he heard her door unlatch. "John?" Her gentle voice sounded like music to his ears. John turned to look at her. His breath hitched in his throat at the sigh of her. Her hair was flowing around her shoulders as she was in a satin full length robe. Mary noticed his eyes rake down her figure and she suddenly felt nervous. "Is something wrong?" She asked him. John felt something come to life within him. He walked up to Mary and cupped her face, kissing her. Mary was in shock and before her brain could process what was happening, she was melting into John's touch. Her hands went to rest on his sides as she leaned into him. John slowly pulled away from the kiss and looked into her eyes, not pulling his hands away from cupping her face. "You and me. This is what I want." John was not a man of many words or emotions, but the way he kissed her told Mary everything she needed to know. Mary licked her lips before nodding. "Okay, John," she breathed out. She wrapped her arms fully around him and they stood there holding one another. Mary felt complete. She knew this was where she was meant to be and that John was who she was going to spend the rest of her life with. John looked down at her. "Will you stay up with me for a little while?" He asked her. Mary smiled and nodded, following him into his room. She sat down on the couch while he went to take a quick shower. John came out in his pajamas and took a seat beside her. He poured himself a drink and looked at her. John reached over and cupped her cheek. Mary smiled gently at him. "Did you talk to Jamie?" She asked quietly. John sighed and nodded. "Told him if he ever hit his sister again, I'd put his head through a wall." Mary sighed and scooted closer to John, leaning into his chest. "He won't do it again, Mary," John tried to ease her nerves. "I hope not." She closed her eyes and inhaled his scent. Mary felt at peace with John and safe. They sat for awhile in comfortable silence before John stood and extended his hand out to Mary. "I'm tired. Let's turn in." He brought her over to his bed and she looked at him hesitantly. "Are you sure, John?" She asked quietly. John nodded and pulled the covers back for her. "More than anything, honey." He kissed her head before climbing into bed on his side. Mary undid her robe and slid into bed next to him. John turned to face her and smiled sleepily. "Goodnight, Mary." He pressed a light kiss to her forehead before rolling over. Mary stared at his back. "Goodnight, John," she whispered. Mary closed her eyes, dreaking about her future with this man who she knew she cared deeply for.