Let me love you

8

"Goddamn it!" John exclaimed as he slammed his cell phone onto the desk. Mary glanced between John and Rip. She felt worry creep in as Jamie hadn't picked up any of Rip or John's numerous phone calls. "Go on, Rip. I'll sort this out. You did everything right. Donnie's turning on me." John rubbed his top lip as Rip stood from his seat. "I'm sorry, sir. Let me know if Jamie calls you back." With that Rip exited the house and went back to work. "Do you think something is wrong?" Mary asked quietly once they were alone in the office. John scoffed. "Mary, one thing about that boy of yours, is he's selfish. I give him every opportunity imaginable, but he is only in it for himself. To hell with me and this ranch and his family." A wave of sadness cloaked Mary upon hearing the harsh words John used towards the baby she wanted but couldn't keep. She looked down at her lap as hot tears brimmed her eyes. Her thoughts ran rampant on if that truly was how Jamie was or if John was just misunderstanding him. She wanted nothing but the world for Jamie and everyday of her life, she could only hope that she made the right decision. When John didn't get a response, he turned and paused when he took Mary in. He sighed and mentally kicked himself. "Honey," he said gently and walked over to her. He crouched down and cupped her face. "Don't get upset. You've done everything right. Unfortunately, he doesn't have more of you inside of him. He favors his father and I know you can see that." Mary's eyes darted up to John's. Her lip began to tremble at the thought of the man she used to call her husband. She started to shake her head. "No, John. Y-you can't let him b-become him." Mary started to cry. John quickly wrapped her into his arms. "I know. I've tried my hardest, honey. He's a grown man now. I can only control him so much." Mary held back a choked sob and forced herself to be composed. She wiped her tears away hastily and looked at John. "Then try harder," she said determinedly. "Pull him out of the race." John looked at her surprised. He pondered it for a moment then realized that if he pulls out of the race, his focus will be shifted back to the ranch, back to his family. He gave Mary's hand a gentle squeeze. "Alright, honey." He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "John," she stopped him before he could pull away from her. "Matthew, isn't the real name of Jamie's father a-and he isn't dead..." John became stoic when he heard that. "What are you talking about?" He asked. "H-His name is Garret Randall. A-and he isn't dead. He's very much alive, rotting in a prison somewhere." Her eyes watered again as she watched John sit down. "He hid his identity to me. He knew that if he went by another name, I wouldn't be able to get help from the police because Matthew Randall was deceased so they would think I was crazy. Matthew-Garret, enjoyed being able to do whatever he pleased to me with no problems. I-I lit the house on fire. I wanted to kill him. He had escaped and took the fall for arson. He's in a jail somewhere." Mary gasped at the feeling of unburdening herself from the secrets she has never told a living soul. She started to cry as she gripped the edge of John's desk. "I lied to you, John. He was never dead. But, God, I didn't ever want Jamie to find out about us. I never wanted him to know his father is alive. He's dead to me. He needed to be dead to everyone." She started sobbing, borderline hysteria as John quickly pulled her into his arms. "Okay, shhhh. Mary I'm not upset with you. Honey, you did what you had to do to survive. Believe me, I know you have to do the unspeakable to keep those you love protected." He cupped her face so she was looking at him. "I'm not mad, honey. I wish you would have told me this sooner. I don't like you bottling everything up." Mary hiccuped as she tried to regain her breathing. John placed gentle kisses to her forehead as well as her cheeks and lips. "You're safe and so is Jamie. I promise that man will never hurt you again." She believed those words wholeheartedly. John and Mary stood in his office, her clinging to him desperately as she calmed back down.