Let me love you

4

John had left the breakfast table early, having to get on the helicopter to oversee the wranglers lead the cattle back to the ranch. That left Mary all alone at the expansive table. She was used to it as it was usually just her and John that had breakfast together, but now that kids were back, she would have liked for them to all be together, but she knew it wasn't her place to say anything. She cleaned up the mess from breakfast then made her way into the office. "Morning," Mary said as she noticed Beth sitting at the desk on her laptop. Beth looked up at Mary. "Morning." Mary walked over to the desk and opened one of the side drawers to grab what she needed to do payroll for the week. "I'm almost done," Beth told her when she saw Mary pulling out paper and what looked like checks. "You're fine. Stay here. I'm going to go sit on the porch." Mary reached over and grabbed a pen. "You didn't eat breakfast," Mary said as she finished grabbing what she needed. Beth glanced at her before looking back at her computer. "I don't usually eat breakfast. I prefer to drink it." Beth nodded towards the glass of whiskey sitting on the desk by her computer. Mary looked at the glass then at Beth. She wondered when Beth started drinking, when she became reliant on it. Mary didn't like alcohol, sure she may have some wine every now and again, but the heavy liquor she steered clear from. She knew what it could do to people as she had been on the receiving end of drunken nights far too much for her liking. Mary cleared her throat, coming back from her thoughts. "Well, if you end up getting hungry, I'll make you something to eat." Mary gave her a small smile before walking to the door to exit. "You don't have to do that. I'm a big girl. Just because you are fucking my father doesn't mean you are my mommy." Mary paused for a moment and sighed. She didn't know if this was just a usual Beth comment or if the alcohol was influencing or both. Either way, Mary knew better than to play into it. Mary had a feeling that Beth and Jamie had become aware of that fact that Mary had been sleeping in John's bedroom with him, but it was nothing more than that. Mary looked over her shoulder at Beth and saw the look in her eyes. Beth was playing for a fight, her green eyes shining dangerously. "I'm sorry if I overstepped, Beth." Mary saw the way the fire in Beth's eyes dimmed and regret shone. Mary left the room and went out to the front porch. She wasn't trying to replace Evelyn, Mary was well aware of that, yet she couldn't help herself for wanting to try and be motherly towards them. She never had a family of her own, Jamie having been given up to get away from her abusive husband. Mary had this strong maternal side that for years she never got to act on and now all she wanted to do was play the part. It was a bitter pill to swallow as Jamie and his siblings were all grown up now, not in need of a mother, going years without one. Mary sighed and opened the check book, throwing herself into her work. She was finishing up a few of the last checks when Kayce's truck came pulling up, stopping in front of the porch. Mary smiled gently when she Kayce get out with Tate. "Hey," Kayce said softly when he saw Mary sitting on the front porch. "Hi, Kayce. It's good to see you." She stood up and walked over to him. Kayce was grateful for Mary looking out for him and helping him after everything with Lee. Kayce looked over at Tate. "Aren't you gonna say hi?" Kayce reprimanded his son. Tate smiled shyly up at Mary. "Hi," he said. Mary smiled down at Tate. "What are you two doing here? Where's Monica?" Mary asked curiously. Kayce sighed. "Came to see dad. Thought he'd like to see Tate. I-there's some stuff going on." Mary looked at Kayce worried. "He's down around the barn I think. Is everything ok?" She laid her hand on Kayce's arm. He cleared his throat and shot a look towards Tate. "Hey, buddy, why don't you start walking down towards the barn?" Tate nodded and did as told. Mary and Kayce trailed behind, out of ear shot. "Robert, who killed Lee, was Monica's brother," Kayce broke the silence. Mary glanced over at Kayce with a look of surprise. "I didn't know that. Does she know..?" Kayce quickly shook his head. "She suspects something though. Anyways, Robert's wife killed herself. Monica is with their kids waiting for their grandparents to come pick them up. Thought it was best to get Tate away from there." Mary's heart broke at the look of guilt on his face. "Oh, Kayce," Mary pulled him into her arms as he tried so hard to keep it together. She pulled away and looked at him. "If your father can't watch him, you can leave Tate with me." She rubbed his arms gently. Kayce nodded and let out a breath. "Thank you," he told her sincerely. "Let me go see if dad's in the barn. Will you keep an eye on Tate?" Mary nodded and walked over to the young boy. They stood and watched the wranglers in the corrals work with the cattle. Tate was asking her endless questions and she tried her best to answer them all. She thought Tate was adorable and very intelligent. After a few minutes, John and Kayce walk out of the barn and over to the duo. John smiled at the sight of Mary with his grandson. "What are you doing down here?" He asked Mary. "I was outside working on the payroll when Kayce pulled up. He wanted me to walk down with them." John nodded and greeted his grandson. "I'll be back in a little. Be good for them, alright?" Kayce shot Tate a look and he nodded. Kayce then walked back up to his truck. "What are we going to do Grandpa?" He asked curiously. "How about we go for a ride?" John offered and Tate jumped at the idea. Mary smiled softly at how good John was with Tate. "Go grab Rip and let him get you a horse, grandson." Tate ran over to the corral to get the foreman. John turned to Mary. "Would you like to join us?" He asked. Mary smiled and shook her head. "You go ahead. I want you to spend time with him. I'll be here when you get back." John nodded and leaned over, placing a kiss on her cheek. "I'm sorry I ran off early this morning," he said gently. "Don't apologize. You're a busy man." Mary smiled when she felt John rest his hand on her hip. "John, please be careful riding," she whispered quietly as she turned to stand in front of him. John looked down at her and sighed. "I'll be alright, honey." He didn't want Mary to worry about him. The other night she expressed her concern for him, after he looked terrible all day and he confessed about the cancer. She was heartbroken but gave John her word that she would not tell his children. She sighed and looked into his eyes. "If he is too much for you, I'll come help keep him entertained." John nodded and pecked her lips. "I'll see you when I get back." Mary nodded and watched John walk into the barn.
***
Kayce and Rip came storming into the house after a few hours. By the looks on their faces she knew something was wrong. "What is it?" She asked them as she stood from the couch. "Have you seen dad and Tate?" Kayce asked quickly. She shook her head. "No. How long have they been gone?" She walked over to them. "They should have been back already..." Kayce rushed back outside. Mary looked at Rip. "I'll stay here and keep watch. Call me if you find them." Rip nodded and went after Kayce. Mary went out onto the front porch and sat down. After a few minutes she stood up and started pacing, worry consuming her. She thought through every worse situation her brain could fathom. She didn't feel relief until she saw Tate and Kayce coming up the hill but she paused when she didn't see John. "Where's your father?" She asked worried. Kayce sighed. "Down at the barn. He took Tate to the river and he fell in." Mary quickly looked at the cut on Tate's forehead. "Do you want me to stitch it? Or are you going to take him to the hospital?" Mary asked Kayce. "You know how to stitch? I'd rather you do it then have to go sit in an emergency room." Mary nodded and brought them inside. "I learned how to stitch a long time ago.." Mary trailed off and grabbed the first aid kit from out of the cabinet. Tate sat down on Kayce's lap. "Who taught you?" Kayce asked curiously. "I taught myself. I got cut too deep a few times." Kayce knew Mary was referring to something else, as in someone gave her those cuts. "I'm sorry, I don't have anything to numb him with." Kayce held Tate's hands tightly while she cleaned the area. She then began stitching him up. Tate did good and stayed still, holding onto his father's hands. Mary placed a bandage over his forehead when she finished. "Thank you!" Tate smiled at her. Mary smiled back and told him "you're welcome." She cleaned everything up while Kayce and Tate got ready to go. They left and she waited on the porch for John. When he finally did appear, she noticed the slight lean in his walk, pain evident on his face. She looked at him worried. "What happened, John?" She asked. John sighed. "I messed up. I don't know what I was thinking. I told him not to get too close." She quickly cupped his face. "This isn't your fault. Accidents happen. Tate is fine." John looked into Mary's eyes and relaxed his shoulders. He reached up and held her wrists. "Did he have to take him to get stitches?" John asked. "I stitched the gash up. He's fine. Tate didn't even cry." She gave him a soft smile. John looked at her curiously. "Where'd you learn that?" He asked. "Self taught," she said quietly and guided him inside. John looked at her confused. "What do you mean?" He asked. Mary sighed and ignored his question. "Let me see your incision," she said quietly once they were in the safety of their bedroom. John reluctantly lifted his shirt up. Mary's eyes widened in concern for how irritated it looked. "You need to be careful, John." Mary was worried about him and hated how he never listened to his doctor. "I'm fine, Mary." She just shook her head. Mary sat down on their bed and watched John go start the shower. "Take Fred off the payroll," John told her as he rid himself of his damp clothes. "Alright. What happened?" She allowed her eyes to trail over his now naked body, admiring him. "Beat the shit outta Jimmy. He wears the brand and Fred knows we don't fight on this ranch. Rip is getting rid of him." Mary nodded and stood up. "Do you need any help?" She asked as she stood in the doorway of the bathroom. She could see how tired John was after watching Tate. John glanced at her as he stepped in the shower. "Come here," he told her gently. Mary smiled as she took her clothes off and got in the shower. John pulled her into his arms and lightly rubbed her back. Mary relaxed against him, noting how their bodies fit like puzzle pieces. Mary didn't want to say anything, the peaceful silence between them was perfect. John pulled away and let Mary grab some soap so she could wash his body. "Do you want to lay down after we get out?" Mary asked as she rubbed the soapy washcloth around his back. John shrugged. "Only if you lay with me," he smiled. Mary let out a soft laugh. "Of course I'll lay with you." They finished up showering then got dressed. Mary and John laid cuddled up in each other's arms. Mary was drawing soothing patterns on his chest. "You make me happy, John," she whispered quietly. She felt John give her hip a light squeeze. "Same here, honey. It's nice not being alone anymore. I know I've told you this before, but you're a good woman, Mary." He tilted her chin up so she was looking at him. He kissed her softly. Hearing John tell her that she was good, healed a part of her because for so many years she thought she was a bad person and that she deserved the things her dead husband had done to her. "John, don't stop kissing me," she quietly begged. John smirked and looked into her eyes. "I'll kiss you for as long as you want," he whispered huskily. John brought their lips together once more and Mary felt sparks go off. Needless to say, they did not leave the bedroom for the rest of the day.