The Candle | Hazbin Hotel

The Untold Story of Juniper Starlet

TW: mentions of miscarriage and self harm, don't read if sensitive to this topic.

There was a lot I wished for up in Heaven. Love, peace and dramatics. Though Heaven only treated me with ignorance. It's been so long since the last I thought of him.

My teacher, one of the elders. Dimitrius. One who spoke in Lucifer's favor after his fall. Locked away for his opinion. That should've been my first sign something was wrong with justice. Heaven has been falling for awhile now, I just hadn't noticed.

Before Lucifer fell, another elders apprentice, Caesar asked for my hand in marriage. That only lasted a week because Dimitrius threw the wedding off the day Lucifer fell. He recognized it wouldn't do me good and that I was already naive and didn't need Caesar to ruin it. I listened. I looking back on it now, it feels like everything became hectic after I met Caesar. He disappeared soon after that.

Regardless, Dimitrius was a good man, different from his times and wickedly smart. He taught me the power I know today. Until he disappeared one day, one hundred and four years after Lucifer fell, with no warning or explanation.

I'd gotten no answers from anyone and lost all power I previously had with the other elders. Suddenly I was a taboo topic for reasons I didn't know. Until I met Adam. A loud and careless man who accidentally told me what happened with Dimitrius.

He'd spoke during a meeting with the Seraphims, talking about Lucifer and reminiscing his young spirit during an argument. Unlike himself, usually calm and calculated.

I guess since it was a fresh wound, they locked him up. All those young years ago and I haven't seen him since. What makes me upset is the last time we spoke, I had yelled at him over something so small. That morning, all those years ago, he walked into my room without knocking. I don't even know why it ticked me off so much, he was only letting me know he was leaving for his meeting. Plus he apologized.

My last memory of him, staring at me with a slightly irritated smile, telling me he loved me and hoped I felt better later. I'd never see him again after that.

Then with Adam telling me, and hitting on me so informally than I'm used to. It felt good being desired in that way and he distracted me from Dimitrius.

So many eons... spent on a man who cheated on me three months after our wedding. Then came the baby, the reason why I fell in the first place. The most likely reason for my huge hormonal reaction and falling from heaven. Then immediately losing the baby a couple days after I fell.

I may be wrong for thinking this, but it feels a weight was lifted from my shoulders by that. Yes it was horrifying to experience, but in the end it felt like I was finally cut free from the life I led previously.

Though I know for many women it doesn't feel like that, but for me it did. I won't water down my experience to please a mans ears, I've done enough of that in my life.

Meeting Charlie was a stroke of luck in a world such as this. She gave me hope almost immediately upon meeting her, something I hadn't felt in so long. Since knowing Dimitrius. She unknowingly helped me understand what heaven was about. Or what it should've been about.

I may word this weird, but living in heaven hope is written in an Angel prior to becoming conscious. Like it feels artificial and not learned but already known, not discovered or experienced, a constant. A perfect recipe for creating a sense of privilege heaven is known about down here. Assumedly that's what happened to Adam and why he became so privileged.

He was born with hope, sinners have to learn it.

...However I'm not much better. I was born with hope too.

Regardless, Charlie helped me with a lot of things. Even if they were cheesy and a little odd at times. I mean, it didn't stop me completely from mourning the life I had. Late night thoughts got to me at moments, some angelic shrapnel from Sir Pentious (of which I stole) got to me too.

I'm relatively sure Alastor knew about that. His shadow was outside the door before I realized what I had done and he just... left. It hasn't been brought up and I haven't trusted him since.

My angelic intuition flared up around Alastor after that, it became apparent that he's been plotting something.

And officially... meeting Lucifer was a weird experience too. Yeah I knew him before his fall, but we never talked. All I knew of him back then was that we both liked heavens gardens and knowledge. I always saw him with a book and I'm sure he saw me the same.

I couldn't really speak up at his hearing either because I wasn't "high enough" to be in the court. High as in class and age. Besides I didn't know him that well either.

I know I definitely found him cute at times, smart too. I remember vividly trying to gather the courage to talk to him and swap ideas or books. Just hearing his ideas was so exhilarating! He'd tell cherubs of his stories and inventions as they were the only ones that listened. I wonder if he knew I listened too.

Though after he fell I didn't know how to feel about him.

This leads me to now.