The freedom of captivity

a kind narcissist

Douglas Thorpe  

We run up the stairs again. Looking for the stars, Edmund hands me a jumper because he expects it to be quite cold. We sit down and our eyes immediately look up when we arrive on the roof, they are looking for the hope in the burning parts of our universe that most likely have died already. But perhaps realism does not suit the wonder of stars. And it certainly does not suit the bright blue eyes of the boy pretending to be happy. He sits down at the edge of the roof his legs dangling in the comforting possibility of jumping. I sit down beside him and let out a breath I had been containing for my own good. I feel the tension from my body slowly ebbing away as I listen to the melody of his breathing.

"Douglas?" I look up at him and nod. "I wanted to thank you for making me perform a scene. I...I did not know that I missed it so much. I haven't felt like that in a long time. Thank you." He says, avoiding eye contact and his eye fluttering, refusing to give in to the rain God has given our eyes. I smile warmly and look at him, his hand brushes mine but I pretend not to notice it. And if he doesn't, I pray he does not notice it either. I smile and look at the burning tragedies that have become hope to us humans. "You don't need to thank me for that Edmund." He sighs and nods while lighting his cigarette with the lucifers he has most likely stolen, or bought. You never know with Edmund. I put my hand on his shoulder as I see the twinkling of tears in his eyes and he seems uneasy. "Are you alright Eddie?" He shrugs.

"I, I wonder if I might be a narcissist." I frown and look at the most selfless person I have ever seen. I tilt my head in utter wonder. "Why do you think you are one?" He scoffs, "How can you think I am not one? I use humour and kindness to manipulate people into liking me so I can fullfill this empty hole in my heart. And when I have had enough I simply leave.... Everything I do is to make myself forget about what utter bastard I am and have been. To get some kind of evidence I... matter. But I am afraid it is simply making me" He stops breathing for a second and the whole world is quiet, the wind stops blowing, the grass stops rustling, the birds stop singing "worse." He whispers. I gently grab his hand. "You are not selfish Eddie. You genuinely make me feel better, you are the only one who truly make me feel real. Who makes me feel like I am not being held in some frightening chokehold of misunderstanding. You are easy, you are modest, you do not try to understand. You just....suffer with us without trying to make it better." He wipes away some tears and shakes his head. I grab his cheek and direcct his gaze at me. "It helps. When I am with you the burning stops. The terror hides away. My tears stop for a second. The stars shine, they no longer burn. I might be....happy, with you." he chuckle and wraps his arm around my shoulder. "I used to be happy." He says with a smiles. "Are you not anymore?" I ask him while looking at him with a crooked smile, he smirks "Perhaps.....I am."

He looks down "But I.....Sometimes I feel like I am fading." He says while looking at me, so many questions in his eyes I cannot answer, or perhaps cannot even understand. "Perhaps you are. But you'll be alright. You need to ask for help when you need it. If you don't have the courage to ask the orderlies, I am always here." He shakes his head. "I don't burden people anymore. I have stopped doing that a long time ago. I am happy with that, it has saved me from disappointments. So if I ever do ask for help, I am hopeless. The only problem is that when that happens I need far more helps than you can give." He sighs and stands up. "Sleep well Douglas. I..." He cuts himself off. "Goodnight" He says with his charming smile.

I am sitting in the main hall while reading a book. Edmund is dashing through the tables and chairs while carrying Reggie's notebooks. He passes it to Gwendolyn who throws it to Alathea, she runs aways but does not see that Solomon sticks out his foot to trip her. "No Fair!" Eddie screams as he grabs the notebooks and climbs on a table holding it above Reggie's head. "This is also not fair!" 

"Edmund?" Doctor campbell says while he walks into the hall two beautiful people following him. Both adorned in expesive clothes and jewellery. Edmund's face drops and he simaltaneously drops the notebook. Reggie immediately grabs it and looks at the people who have entered the room. Edmund walk towards the people, his gaze down and his proud stance seem to slowly fade till there's nothing left but fear. I frown and tilt my head as I look at the handsome man waiting for him, the woman looks at Edmund with a certain kind of disdain, the man seems to be...pitying him. Who are these people.

As they turn around the men puts his hand on the shoulder of Edmund and I see Edmund digging his nails into his own palms. Who are they?

Solomon is playing the piano when Edmund returns. "And, what is the occasion why were your parents here?" Alathea asks with a smile. He does not respond and sits down in the windowsill next to me. I feel a boiling anger coming from him but his exterior seems...calm. He lights a cigarette. "Those were your parents?" Reginald asks, chuckling. "You look exactely like your father! You two even walk the same way." They laugh but I feel Edmund getting tense as his nose curls upward as if he disdain the thought of resembling him. "Or the way your mum talked!" He says while laughing. "You even dress the same!"

He stands up swiftly turning towards Reginald. "Shut up you damned whoreson!" He yells as he hits Reginald. "EDMUND!" I screams as I try to get him away from reginald. Orderlies immediately run towards him and take him away. Reginald stands up, stunned by the reaction after simply trying to tease him. "Are you alright?" Solomon asks as we all walk towards Reginald. "I am" He says while wiping away the blood from his lip and looking up. "Do you think he is alright?" He asks timidly, afraid he has done something wrong. "I don't think so. But that is not your fault." Solomon says as he pets Reggie's head.

   

Hi everybody! I am returning to this book! But I won't post incredibly frequently. There will be some chapters which will be about Edmund because he is the one I connected with most so he is easy to remember for me. I will do some new character study before the others can feature it heavily. So I apologise for the heavy Edmund centered parts!