The freedom of captivity

let us sing

Alethea barker

We are walking back towards the asylum. The others are running around in the fields resulting in having to walk about twice as much meters. But that would be a cynical remark my mother would make and my father would only laugh. My father was a delightful man, proud, righteous and dapper. And if I might say so he was a rather good looking man. I remember him very fondly and I always will, I smile and look at the sun which is slowly bidding us goodbye. The only two people who are not running are me and solomon, which makes a lot of sense, we seem to be the calmest ones from the group. I admire the childish joy these boys have managed to maintain even in an era of war. I look at solomon, he has his head held high as if he is expecting to see someone he has been dreaming of all his life on the horizon. A needful wanting, a doubtful wish. "Lookie here lovebirds!" Edmund says jokingly as he makes another picture with his nikon one. I wonder who is going to process the pictures. I know eddie has a polaroid too. But he is rather proud of his nikon one. So he will use it on every occasion possible.

"Would you like to make some pictures Alethea?" Edmund asks. Of course I would! I nod my head. I instantly point the lens at Solomon who blushes and puts his hand in front of the lens as he giggles. He runs away just in an effort to not get photographed. I chuckle.

Edmund slows down and starts to match my pace, "Edmund, Why do you take so many pictures?" I ask, purely out of curiosity. I am not expecting a serious answer but alas, He smiles and says: "I never used to, I was not fond of pictures. I always looked rather strange on them and they felt forced." I frown. "Than why do it?" He smiles and points at Douglas. "See, you and I know this has happened but Douglass" he sighs and smiles. "Douglas will forever doubt it. So everyday he gets at least one picture. At least one reminder he is not completely insane, and if he is. We are still here with him." I feel a tear in my eye but try to hide it the best I can. "You know Thea, we aren't alive with a healthy dose of doubt." I frown. "Imagine you and I were certain of everything, what would there be to marvel about? To think about? To learn? The world would be hopelessly empty." He flashes his bright smile and runs off. My heart fills itself with the bright light of knowing to doubt, of not being ashemed to doubt and it does not feel like doubt it feels like something more familiar. Something far kinder something we welcome into our hearts and do not expel like we have learned to do with doubt it feels like.....wonder.

Not everything has the ability to last forever and so we are in the asylum again. As if we have never been gone. I am sitting in the garden plucking grass out of frustration, or perhaps it is boredom because how can I be frustrated about having nothing to be frustrated about? that would be simply impossible. "What is on your mind?" Solomon says with a smile as he sits down beside me. I shrug. "Nothing, I guess that is the problem." He leans back on his elbows. "There's a very easy way of stopping that miss barker." He says with a smirk. "Oh please I am no miss Barker you make me sound like my mom, well she is mrs of course but still." He smiles. "So alethea, What is it that you are most afraid of?" he asks out of the blue, I take a deep breath my heart and soul sing along to the harmony of fears that have clouded my mind for all my life, and with age the clouds only grow heavier and darker. I know that I will be frightened of too much. "I am afraid of love Solomon." He looks me in my eyes, his dark brown eyes seem to have little golden stains in the canvas of his eye, If there is a god did he do that intentionally or did he spill something holy into his eyes. Perhaps it is the colour of hope.

"What can be scary about the thing that we have always wanted?" "The knowledge of the possibility that it will fall apart." I say the tears are leaking through the pauses in my sentence. "And what if that possibility would not exist?" He asksbringing his face a little closer to mine and tilting it like a lost puppy. "Than my mind would come up with another scary thing about it. Like the fact that one of us would have to die first." Solomon shrugs, "Some people die togetjer, granted mostly not in a good way but still, no one would have to grieve. Life makes the inevitabilty of death, so if you are scared of death shouldn't you be scared of life too?" He asks and shakes his head. "I am sorry Iam getting carried away." Well, he is not wrong, and I realise that but I do not want to say he is right because I am afraid to be afraid of life?

"What is your fear Solomon?" He shrugs, "I am afraid of........being forced to be the one I will never be. And to be honest it is exactely the thing that has been happening all my life. The frightening potion of selffullfilment and society. I have been taught by the world to be someone I am not, but how can I be that? If inherently I am not. Am I simply not than? I know I crazy, I am sick, I withered and I have been destroyed again and again and again. The joy has been sucked out of me and my hope has been put to shame but I will not except that I am alive to die."

My ears don't hear him but my soul listens, he is right we shall not be alive to die. We have no rules to follow, this society inside could be so much more than it is. It could be freedom, exxtreme freedom while captive. The birds in the cage can still sing, they can flap their wings and be overjoyed, let us sing.