Illicit Attachment (Obi-Wan Kenobi)

Chapter 3

We catch our breaths as our foreheads press together. As suddenly as he kissed me his eyes switch from contentment to panic.

"I- I- I- I'm so sorry!" He says alarmed.

"What?"

"I-... Should not have done that... I'm so sorry" He says, taking his hands off of me.

"N- No... We shouldn't have." I shake my head looking down suddenly realizing what we've done

"I will report myself to the council as soon as we get back to Coruscant." He says getting back in his seat refusing to look at me.

"What?! NO! You'll be stripped of your rank as Master! You'll be kicked off the Jedi Council! You may even be kick out of the order! You can't do that Obi-Wan!" The gravity of the situation finally hits me.

"I broke a rule. A big rule."

"I DID TOO!" My tears betray me and start to prick at the edges of my eyes.

"Vo'ar. I did that to you." He says deadpan referring to the kiss.

"AND I PARTICIPATED! I could have stopped what we were doing, but I wanted to do that too..." I say looking at him. "I've" I start to whisper "I've wanted to do that for a long time..." I look down.

"I have too..." Obi-Wan stares straight ahead and looks down at his feet. "I broke a rule... I'm going to own up to it."

"You could get kicked out of the order! Do you not understand that!?" I try to plead with him. "You... You won't be my master anymore..."

Obi-Wan sighs and whispers. "I know..." We sit in silence for a while.

"Please don't..."

"I'm going to own up to it. I won't get you in trouble, this was my action." He says lifting his head and looking straight ahead, refusing to look in my direction. Like he is too ashamed to look at me.

"I'm going to own up with you then." I say definitively.

"Vo'ar."

"We both broke the rule, Obi-Wan... If there's no way to stop you... Then we both own up to it." Obi-Wan scoffs at me as I say this. "What?! You're the only one that's allowed to be holy?"

Obi-Wan sighs. "That's not what I meant."

...

We sit in silence for what seems like an hours. I mull over my thoughts over and over again. I know he's a rule follower but no one knows, no one saw us. He doesn't have to own up. He's going to at the very least be kicked off the council, at the most be kicked out of the order all together. I could get kicked out of the order... My family. My Jedi family. The only thing I really know. Are... are they going to kick me out on the street!?

My thoughts then drift to Obi-Wan and how it felt when he kissed me. Home... the first thing near me that's ever felt truly like home... And... gosh I loved it... and I didn't want him to stop. But the Jedi are my home, I tell myself. Suddenly every repressed thought I've ever had comes rushing in at once. I'm reminded of every thought I've had to shake my head to shoo away. And the funny thing about breaking the rule... is since its been broken, I'm not pushing the thoughts away. What's the point anyway? 

I think through all the thoughts I've had for the past hour... just thoughts of desire, not love. I risked everything, my home with the Jedi... for desire? How could I let myself do this? I could have pushed him away. I could have walked away blameless. You still can. No. I didn't push him away, and I won't walk away from this like a coward. I'm still curious why he would kiss me though. It makes no sense. He is the poster boy of the perfect Jedi. He had just said he wouldn't trade his home with the Jedi for anything. So why did he just risk his whole life with the Jedi, just to kiss me. He is not weak minded... Surly he just had a moment of weakness... but still.