How will you fix me ? (Sequel to Porcelain, I'll be...) - ON HOLD

Chapter 6- I will show you self destruction

Ashley

‘’Come with me Josh, let’s go ‘’  I told him, putting my hand on his shoulder

‘’ Let me breathe, god damn it!’’  He pushed my hand

‘’ You know that you can’t drink with those pills...’’

‘’ Do you really think I care? Go home with Mike... I don’t need you here‘’

‘’ Josh please... ‘’ He turned to face me and yelled:

‘’ ASHLEY! I said stop and go home!’’

I felt the rage coming in my chest. Josh was talking like an asshole. So I decided to leave him here and go home with Mike. Now that he can both be in wheelchair and with his crutch, he’s always out. The doctor gave him pills to help him, but he doesn’t even take care of himself. He’s always at the bar with his old friends and he never listen to me. It’s been a month now and this is killing me. I tried to stay calm with him but god, he gives me hard time.

‘’ Mike, I can’t handle this anymore’’ I said, between sobs while we were getting in the car.

‘’ Honey, I know what you feel. We know that Josh is just collapsing and nobody can make him realize. He has always been like that. He has problems. That’s all in his head. But I understand that you must feel more pressure and pain. But you HAVE to keep staying strong. We all need it’’

‘’I know Mike, ‘’ with tears in my eyes, ‘’ But you know all the things he did to me ? You know all the stuff with Amanda and now, the accident, and finally I thought he would remain calm and realize that life is so fucking fragile, but no...  Mike... why?? Why is he doing all this? Matt told me this week that he can’t stand Josh anymore! And he’s supposed to be his best man...  Yeah...best man.... If we are still getting married. ‘’

‘’Come on Ashley, you will marry him and everything will be fine. And don’t worry about Matt. He’s a little puppy, he’ll be ok. Josh and him had a lot of fights before and they always fixed everything. ‘’

‘’ Yeaah... Thanks Mike. You are such a sweety. But you know... I need a break.’’ I said, in a whisper,

‘’ Well, why don’t you come to my house with Megan for a few days and I’ll stay with Josh, i’ll try to make him stop. It could be good for you, just between girls. Tamara could come too.’’

‘’ Yeah that’s a great idea. Do you think she would be fine with that?’’

‘’ Come on, it’s Megan. She always loves company and she misses you. ‘’

‘’ Okay then. Thanks Mikey ! Do you stay with me to wait for Josh? I don’t want to tell him that I’ll be gone for awhile ... He’s drunk and... ahhw man.’’

He smiled at me and said that he will stay. Arrived home, it was around midnight. We went in the living room and put a movie. Mike went in the kitchen and made some hot chocolate. We talked and watched the movie until 2 and then, we heard a car coming in the driveway. It was a taxi. Mike went outside to help Josh. He was fucking drunk. He has been too long without his chair, he was yelling ‘’ my back...oh fuck man...oh man it hurts’’. When they were inside, Josh looked at me and started to cry.

‘’ I am so sorry Ashley, I know i’ve been rude tonight and I will not do it again I promise’’ He said, while Mike was trying to put him in his wheelchair.

‘’ Yeah... you tell me that every time’’

‘’So now you say that I’m a liar? Fuck it man, I want to sleep’’

‘’ Josh, I’ll be gone for a few days. Mike will take care of you. ‘’

‘’ What the ... ? Why are you leaving?’’

‘’ I need a break’’

‘’ Yeah sure... because you’re the one who had an accident, you’re the one who’s in the wheelchair, you’re the one who suffered, you’re the one who need a break...totally !! ‘’

‘’ I AM NOT THE ONE WHO FUCKING HAD AN ACCIDENT BUT I’M THE ONE WHO’S TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!!! So now shut up and go to bed before I leave for good!’’

He looked at me and didn’t said a word. I went in the room to pack some stuff and when I got out, Mike went with Josh to put him in bed. He came back in the living room,

‘’ Are you okay Ash?’’

‘’ Yeah... I just need to calm down’’

‘’ Take the car and go to my home’’ He gave me the keys,   ‘’ I texted Megan, she’s still awake. Tomorrow, I’ll go home to take some clothes’’

 He hugged me and I went in the car. I just stayed there for a while, tears all over my face. After a few minutes, I put some music and drove to Mike’s house. I parked the car and knocked on the door. Megan came to open.

‘’ Hi honey! Oohw are you okay? Your eyes are red, it looks like you cried?’’

‘’ Yes I did, but I’m okay now! ‘’

She hugged me and we went inside. We talked for a while; it was 4 am when we went to bed. This girl is even more than awesome. We made some plans for tomorrow: we are gonna go shopping with Tamara! Finally, I’ll go out! We are supposed to go at a Sushi restaurant for dinner. Being away from Josh will help me. Help me figure out if I still want this.

Josh

I woke up with a huge headache. I looked beside me to see if my baby was there. She wasn’t. And then some moments from last night just popped into my head. I took my crutch and went in the living room. Mike was there, with a coffee in his hands.

‘’ Good morning Josh... ‘’

‘’ Ashley is not here. Where she is?’’

‘’ With Megan, at my house.’’ I sat down beside him

‘’ Why?’’

‘’ She needs a break. Yesterday you were a fucking jerk!’’

‘’ I know... ‘’

‘’Well wake up because you will lose her! Stop the fucking drinking and stop hanging out with those fucking retards and WAKE UP!’’

‘’ I know Mike, I know... ‘’

‘’ Well, with what you’ve done yesterday, I’m not sure you know Josh!’’

‘’ It’s just, with all the things that happened to me and...’’

‘’ And you are finally healing!! You’re almost there! But if you continue like that, you will be stuff in this fucking chair for the rest of your life! You are not the only one who suffers. We suffer too. It’s hard to see you like that Josh. We know what you’re capable of. Stop thinking only about yourself and think about us! You are destroying yourself lately! Ashley is trying to help you, she has been there since the first day of your accident, and she’d put her dreams aside just to make sure you are ok! Last month you asked her to be your wife and now, you are destroying your relationship. Come on Josh, you are better than that’’

I felt ashamed. How could I be such a jerk?