How will you fix me ? (Sequel to Porcelain, I'll be...) - ON HOLD

Chapter 7- Please sing to me

Ashley

We’ve been shopping all day! We arrived at Mike’s house with the hands full of bags. Tamara, Megan and I are gonna spent the rest of our day in front of the tv, watching movies and eating food. Josh called me several times but I've never answered. I’ve been here for a week now and it was so great.  

Without the guys around, we felt like little kids. We didn’t talk about serious stuff. We were just having fun. So after a few chats, we put a movie on and we opened the chips bags.  

‘’ Girls.. I just realized. In a couple days, It’s going to make 1 year that we’re together, Josh and I . ‘’  I said, while sitting on the couch, a bag of chip in my hand. 

‘’ Oh really? That’s amazing Ashley!!’’ Megan told me.

‘’ Yeah. But right now, I don’t feel like spending days with him. I know how much he needs me. He’s sick, scared and frustrated. But I’m ...   ‘’ I sighed,    ‘’ Nevermind’’

‘’ Ohh honey’’   She hugged me & Tamara looked at me. She wasn’t saying a word. I knew why. When there’s something wrong in my life, she has difficulties to deal with it. She hates seeing me depressed.

‘’ We have to tell you something’’ Megan told me

 ‘’It’s about what?’’ I looked at her, confused

‘’Well, I know how exhausted you are lately and so am I. It’s been really busy at work and I need to rest, Megan too.  So we took the next week off and booked 3 tickets for Moncton. We’re leaving in 2 days. ‘’ Tamara told me,

‘’ What? But, my stuff is not ready and I need to tell Josh and ‘’ Megan stopped me,

‘’Don’t worry hun, we are going to your house tomorrow to pack your stuff and tell Josh. Or maybe Mike already told him, I don’t know’’

‘’Oh.. Okay then.. I will go tomorrow morning, but it's better if I go alone’’

‘’Perfect, now let’s enjoy our night’’ 

Next morning

As I arrived home, I saw Mike outside, sitting on the grass. I got out of the car and sat beside him.

‘’Hi Mikey!’’

‘Hey Ash! What’s up?’’

‘’ I came to talk to Josh’’

‘’ He’s still sleeping. He stayed awake almost all night. I think his insomnia is back’’

‘’Ohw. Well I will go check on him’’

‘’ Perfect! I’m gonna go see Megan at her job. Is it okay?’’

‘’Sure!’’

I left Mike and went inside. It was weird to come back here. It’s been awhile. So I walked to my old bedroom and saw Josh, sleeping like a baby. I sat beside him and kissed his forehead.

‘’Josh, wake up, I’m here.’’ I whispered to his ear. He moaned and opened his eyes. When he saw me, he jumped from the bed.

‘’Ashley?! What are you doing here? Am I still sleeping?’’ I laughed,

‘’ No you’re not’’ I looked at him and realized that he lost weight. His eyes was puffy and he was pale. More than usual. His blue hair has faded. He was kind of a mess.

‘’Wh-what a-a-are you doing here? ‘’

‘’ I need to talk to you’’

‘’ Oh...  About us?’’

‘’ More about me. I am going back in Moncton for a week with Megan and Tamara. We’re taking some vacation.’’

‘’ Oh... ‘’ He turned his head so he wasn’t facing me anymore

‘’What?’’

‘’Well... I am happy for you that you’re going home for awhile but... I-i-i thought you were here to tell me that you were coming back home. You don’t even understand how much I miss you’’ His eyes were full of tears. He took my hand. I felt tears in my eyes too.

‘’ Josh... with everything that happened to us, don’t you think this little break is good for us? I miss you too.. I miss your smile every morning when we woke up in each other’s arms; I miss your kisses, your hugs, when you take me by behind and just hold me so tight, and  when you sing to me when I don’t feel okay... I miss our life too, but going back home for a few days is only something to help us. After that, if I feel like it, I will come back home to take care of you. I just need a longer break. But don’t even doubt for a second that I don’t love you anymore. This is NOT about that. It’s about me wanting to get away from all those things for awhile.  If I wouldn’t love you, I wouldn’t wear this beautiful ring on my finger.’’ He looked at the ring and put a little smile on his face

‘’ I know that it’s not easy for you with your accident and your career and everything... I know that you suffer too. That’s why I will probably come back home after my trip to Moncton. And you don’t need to use this as an excuse to drink and destroy yourself, like you did. Things like that, we don’t need them. Don’t you think we have enough trouble without you doing all that stuff? We suffered a lot when things happened with...Amanda...  And now with your accident, we are fragile, like porcelain. We can’t let those things affect our lives. I know that I am not an angel, I’ve done some bad things too. But if we want to move out from our past, we need to concentrate on our future, our wedding and pray that you will get better soon. I am sure that you will, you are strong Josh. ‘’  

He suddenly just burst in tears in my arms. I couldn’t handle seeing him like this; my heart was burning like hell. We hugged for a while and stayed there at least an hour.  When Mike came back, I got off the bed and started to pack my stuff for Moncton. Half an hour later, I was done. Before I left home, Josh came at the door and took my hand:

‘’Please promise me that you’re coming back home after’’

‘’ I promise’’

‘’ I love you so damn much Ashley’’

‘’ I love you too Josh’’ He came closer to me, took me by the waist with his other hand and gently put his lips on mine. It was so soft and so familiar. I missed this so badly. I didn’t want to let go, but I guess we had to breathe.

‘’ Time to say goodbye’’ I said to him, with tears on my cheeks. He let go of my hand and went outside, closing the door behind me and leaving Josh there, sick and tired of all this.