What a week!

day 1

One very bright, blinding, shining, exploding, morning, Oliver woke up. As per usual they checked their phone for any notifications, there were none. They felt a bit saddened by this as they missed their best friend, Issac. Oliver got out of bed, they fumbled and tumbled to the bathroom, stubbing their pinky toe on the way. They let out a small yelp but proceed to use the bathroom, they stare at themselves in the mirror "still got it." they say to themselves as they brush their teeth. Oliver's intolerable ego was something many had to deal with, it was nothing new.

Oliver made their way downstairs to get something to eat. Since they were the pickiest eater on earth, instead of making themselves something like toast or cereal this fatass decides to eat a whole ass ice cream sundae to drown out their misery of being alone, though it only amplifies their self loathing.After eating, there is a knock on the door. Oliver gets excited thinking it's their best friend, but it was just the mailman. They go outside to collect their mail and in the process they once again stub their toe and trip down the sidewalk to the mailmans feet. They sigh and get up. After retrieving their package they think that maybe they should practice roller skating so they do. After waiting what felt like an eternity for the train they get on and travel to the local skate park.

At the skatepark, Oliver put on their skates and started to skate. While skating they heard laughing and looked to see the local 5 year olds laughing at their pathetic attempts to skate. Then they locked eyes with some random ass skateboarder as they were falling face first into the concrete. When they make contact with the ground they start violently sobbing because the stranger was actually kind of cute, then they stumble up, unfortunately for them they didn't put their belt on correctly when they left the house and their pants fell to the ground. Some parents saw this and called Oliver a groomer for putting their pants down in front of their sweet little cinnamon sweet tarts. They managed to flee before the cops arrived.

After the skatepark Oliver heads home in hopes that their friend will be home. Suddenly Issac bursts through the door yapping about how he just got the winning numbers, bro reeked of alcohol. Oliver sighed and told bud, "you didn't win the lottery, that's a clock you dumbfuck." Oliver then heads to the kitchen, because of course, they are hungry once more. While rummaging through the cabinets, they realized all the milky ways have been consumed. Issac follows them because he's also hungry, and they decide to do a mukbang together. While eating, Oliver talks about the fact that they supposedly met the love of their life at the skatepark and would have totally scored a date if it weren't for those "meddling kids."

"This is the 4th guy this week. I'm starting to think you might genuinely be hopeless. Pass the cheerios will ya." Issac said.

"no no I could like feel it this time, i'm gonna go to the skatepark again tomorrow and ask him for his number trust." Oliver replied back with haste.

"Ok buddy, we'll see how that goes. Did you get any mail today? Pass the milk too." He said.

"I got a letter from a casino saying we're in debt, what's that about?" Oliver declared while passing the milk.

"Don't worry bout it ok, besides we got bigger issues like the fact this milk is basically empty. How the hell am I supposed to enjoy my cereal with no milk? Do I look like a heathen to you? Don't answer that." Issac demanded.

Suddenly Issac's dad burst through the front door, with gallons upon gallons of polish milk.

"Słyszałem, że ktoś potrzebował mleka?." He announced.

Oliver looked dumbfounded, for they only knew how to say "hi, how are you" and the word "good". For all they knew, their entire bloodline could have just been cursed for eternity.

When Issac's dad opened the fridge to put the milk in he couldn't help but look the fridge up and down, he licked his lips and stole the fucking fridge, taking the milk with him too. Issac was completely unphased, Oliver on the other hand was absolutely fuming with rage. They just couldn't believe it happened again! They checked their wallet to find one coupon for a new refrigerator. Suddenly the doorbell rang.

It was the guy from the skatepark, he was looking for Oliver to return their belt since they had dropped it at the park. Upon seeing him at their door Oliver screamed out.

"Hubba hubba."

They turned red from embarrassment and hid under the table. Issac looked at the scene with horror as he watched Oliver make a fool out of themselves by calling the elderly lady from next door "Hubba hubba". Oliver's desperation to find their one true love has started to make them hallucinate.

"Oh my dear, I didn't know you thought of me like that," the old lady said scandalously."

In a fit of rage Oliver got out from under the table

"I HATE WOMEN!" they exclaimed and then slammed the door shut.

"I just want a man to love me!!" They started crying.

"Cheer up, you'll find someone one day, just not today. Now hurry up and get ready, we're leaving in 5 minutes." Issac said.