The Ascent

Chapter 53

"Why does this keep happening to us?" Jasmine asked, panting as they entered the room she had left only half an hour ago. "It's like we can't get any peace."

"This time, I don't think there is an immediate danger. I think these guys just got spooked, but we can't risk it," Asher said, helping his children put on the slightly smaller backpacks that Jasmine didn't see lying next to Asher's bed. "I overheard them saying the only reason they had electricity all this time was because they were using their generator but couldn't get any internet connection or anything like that. The generator exploding could be because of the approaching aliens and their technology interfering with it. But it could also be something as simple as the generator breaking down. Still, I agree with them that it's better to be on the safe side and leave. We don't want to have to face off the aliens when we know so little about their technology."

"But what are we going to do about supplies, about a safe place to lay low until we figure something out?" Jasmine asked as they hurried out of the room and into the unknown.

"I've gathered some of the provisions they were willing to share. It's not too much, but it should keep us going," Asher said, pointing at the new backpacks with red crosses the children were wearing. "As for a place to go, I say we follow them, and once we get to their town, we can decide what to do depending on the situation and how friendly their people are."

Jasmine was too tired to think even though she had slept well for once, so she mumbled a quiet yes, and they were on their way. They will follow their kidnappers into their den. Why not?

It was clear to Jasmine that depression and desperation were starting to settle in her mind as she once again wondered what the point was. What was the point of survival when one never really got the chance to live?

Then she suddenly remembered the dream, how warm and loved she had felt, how the love she and dream-Asher shared emphasized the beauty of every little thing.

What was the point of surviving?

Hope. The faith that one day they would somehow manage to win a battle that they weren't even fighting yet and earn back their right to live, to be happy, something she wasn't feeling even before everything went from bad to worse but something she was determined to feel one day. And for that to happen, she needed to fight. To survive.

"Jasmine, what's wrong with you?" Isaac suddenly asked, pulling at her sleeve.

Only when he pulled her out of her trance did she notice they were already back in the forest without her even noticing. Whether that was because the forest looked much nicer in the daylight or because she was busy fighting her monster, her constant companion, depression, she wasn't sure.

"You've been making the weirdest faces for a while now," Isaac said continuing his usual pace. "It's freaking me out."

"I was just thinking," Jasmine said, not wanting to burden the child with details. "Nothing to worry about."

"Well, don't think too much. You'll get wrinkles," Isaac said, his voice sounding playful but his eyes seeing so much more than Jasmine was willing to share.

After all, a child didn't need to know what depression was. But then again, she was just a child when she first faced that dark and gloomy monster inside her.

It felt like there was this hole in her heart, an ache that she needed to cry out but never could quite manage. No matter how many tears she shed, the awful feeling was always there.

She used to spend hours alone in her room, crying, at the tender age of ten. During those hours of darkness, even thoughts of suicide came to her mind. Luckily, she was too scared of the pain to do anything but think gloomy thoughts.

Taking one's own life was never the answer. She knew that even at that age, but Jasmine didn't know the correct answer either. No one offered her a way out. It seemed like no one even noticed that she was going through hell.

That was where music came in and saved her life. It was an accidental discovery that music had the power to soothe her demons and she clung to it with all her might.

"But if you decide to keep doing something as crazy as thinking, you know you can talk to me. I am not a child," Isaac said assertively, back to his serious self that Jasmine had first met.

"I know but maybe I am because I don't really want to burden anyone with my issues. Especially when it seems I can deal with them for once, " Jasmine said, sure that her inability to share her feelings stemmed from her childhood when no one wanted to listen to how she felt, when no one cared.

"Issues? What issues?" Asher asked, going back to walk in step with Jasmine, with Isaac silently taking his place in the front, right behind Plague and Melissa.

"It's not a big deal," Jasmine said, swallowing hard.

The last thing she wanted to do at that moment was to show Asher how weak she was. Still, he did share his own weakness with her. Shouldn't that be enough for her to open up even if just a little bit?

"I would still like to know," Asher said gently. "If you don't mind sharing, that is. After all, we are all in this together and maybe I can help you somehow."

"I don't think anyone can help me with this but myself," Jasmine said looking at her feet, treading the forest far more carefully than strictly necessary in the broad daylight. "And even I'm not sure how to deal with it on a more permanent basis."

"What is it?" Asher asked, sounding more concerned than curious.

Maybe that was what decided it for her. Perhaps the fact that Asher didn't want to know for mere curiosity or to have some gossiping material, but because he genuinely cared.

Jasmine couldn't remember the last time someone asked her a question like that and cared about her honest reply, cared about her.

"I've been dealing with depression since an early age," Jasmine finally admitted, looking anywhere but at him who was still walking right next to her. "At that time, it was awful. It was like a big black hole sucking me in. But once I discovered the music's effects on me, it helped me feel better. The darkness became manageable most of the time. Also, escaping into the fictional worlds helped me, the safety of knowing that everything was imaginary, that I could go through endless trials and never get hurt. Also, some books helped me learn how to deal with depression in their unique, subtle ways."

Jasmine stopped talking to catch her breath when Asher's hand squeezed hers in silent support, which she appreciated so much more than the empty words most people offered when they learned about her dark secret, about the part she wished she could hide from others.

"Are you okay now?" Asher asked carefully.

"Yes, I think so," Jasmine said slowly, thinking through her answer. "I felt myself slipping back to that place of desperation but remembering the dream..."

Jasmine suddenly cut herself off blushing profusely, cleared her throat, and went on with another line of thinking.

"I remembered to have hope," she finally said.

After all, that dream represented hope for a better tomorrow. For a day that they could lead a regular life.

Happily ever after.