A Court Of Love & Sufferings

ch.20

Cassian had arrived for solstice they all drank wine,ate the meal,exchanged gifts everyone enjoyed the night but cassian couldn't shake off the feeling he got when Nesta joined them.

He stared at her trying to find the answer of the question running in his mind. He wondered if Nesta felt the same. Does she also gets this feeling around him.

Cassian tried starting a conversation with her,she didn't give any expression her face stoic cold giving a stare that must mean get your presence away from me before i ruin your face

Nesta walked out accepting the money feyre gave her as a bribe to join tonight. It pissed cassian that Nesta would do something like this.

Everyone's been trying to help her since the war ended. Feyre specially is having a tough time dealing with her sister who leaves no chance to hurt her whenever she tries to talk to her.

When she left for her house cassian joined her offering to walk her.

Nesta refused telling him to don't bother.

Cassian finally asked her what he had been wanted to since they recovered her and elain from hybern.

"Can't you feel this" cassian says.

"What" Nesta says.

"This thing pulling at my insides to be near you. Do you get this feeling too." Cassian says.

"What are you blabbing about"

"I have been feeling this way since the day in hybern. It tugs me toward you."

Nesta's face hardens at the mention of hybern. She grinds her jaw her face giving him a i will punch you in the guts
Look.

"I don't know what you are talking about but i don't feel anything for you. You better settle with this. Stop pestering me. I don't want anything to do with you or your group. Tell that preachy high lord of yours to take his dogs off my back.Don't bother me with your presence anymore." Nesta grunts walking ahead.

Cassian stands there wondering what is he doing acting like a puppy to get someone's attention who feels repulse at the very sight of him.He shouldn't be hopping to someone who dishonours his family,who can't even show an ounce of gratitude for everything they have done to help her.

He returns to house of wind.
Rhysand is sat on the chair drinking wine.

"Tough night?" Rhys asks.

Cassian sits on a chair joining Rhys. He chugs down the wine his face giving away his distress.

"Are you okay" Rhys asks again.

"I am fine"

"No you aren't. You think we don't realise you are bothered by something. It's been a year since you haven't been yourself Cass. Is there a problem? Can we do something for you. We are worried for you. Azriel and mor they are concerned for you. Tell us what we can do to help" Rhys says.

Cassian takes a deep breath wondering how bad he had been doing for his friends to be worried about him.

"I don't know what to say i think something might be wrong with me"

"Does this wrong involves nesta" rhys aks.

"I get this weird feeling whenever i am around her. It pulls me toward her like it's observing her trying to find something. Whenever i go near her a  heaviness settles on my heart. It started after we got back from hybern. I had been tending to nesta and i felt it suddenly, something attracting me towards her"

"I tried talking to her many times but she would always disregard me. I got tired of her giving me a cold shoulder whenever i tried engaging with her or helping her so i maintained my distance.
I understood she wanted nothing to do with any of us after what she had been through i didn't want to overwhelm her either. But this feeling is gnawing at me, it didn't fade away even after i kept my distance from her. When I saw her tonight i just couldn't ignore it anymore
So i finally asked her if she felt the same. She outwardly declared she wanted nothing to do with me and not to pest her"

"We have all tried helping her Cass she refuses to take any help from us. Mor had stopped trying to help her after the continuous insults nesta threw at her. Amren tried talking to her but she ignored her too. And she simply hates feyre to even look at her.

Nesta is...nesta. I can't say i like her after what she did to feyre, she let her youngest sibling go into dangerous woods to hunt alone for their family while they all sat on their asses doing nothing. Feyre told me how she had to beg nesta to chop the woods after she'd come back from the hunt in the chilly weather.
And she stills treats feyre like a doormat after everything feyre had done for her. I can't stand her mistreatment towards my mate my patience won't last long if she continues doing so.

I understand she hates us,her life was snatched away from her. But it wasn't us who did that to her. We aren't liable for the cruelty she suffered. I have offered her a place in my court because of feyre but i won't stand her if she continues hurting my people,my family while she also stays dependent on us."

Cassian let his word settle as he agrees that whatever happened wasn't their fault, they didn't have a hand in nesta's sufferings it was her fate that led her here. They all have suffered in their lives and he wouldn't let someone walk over him like that.

"Do you think she is your mate? Do you feel the bond. Most of the time males feel it before females" rhys says

" I don't know...i don't even know what the mating bond feels like."

" In my case i felt it before i even met feyre. I would dream of her then i met her in person i was intrigued by her. I was just attracted towards her then when the mating bond snapped between us it all made sense. It's a calm soothing feeling, i feel warmth when i tug at the bond,a thread connecting me to her. I could feel feyre's emotions, her distress,worries,Joy,fear everything" rhys says.

"This thing distresses me more than calming me" Cass mocks.

"Maybe you should give it more time,the answer may itself come to you" rhys says.

Cassian thought when that might me but he decided he wasn't going to let it bother him anymore. He had enough now, this feeling left him miserable. He had taken every insults,disregard nesta spat at him but enough now. He wouldn't concern himself over her. Maybe he ain't meant to have a love life like rhys and feyre, maybe that isn't in his fate.

"I came here to tell you to visit the war camps to check on the refugees. Many people have took refugee in the camps after war, i need you to tend to them. See if they have settled well" Rhys says.

"Alright" Cassian nods walking towards his room.