Lost and Found

Chapter One

I can't pinpoint, where it all went wrong. Maybe it was when I started smoking cigarettes, or drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade, but really? I think it was when I slept with my boyfriend's twenty year old brother. It was very late night, or early early morning when I woke up. I woke with my head resting against someones chest. There was a blanket, wrapped around my bare body. I realized then, what had happened. No light came through the open window, and I could hardly make out the sleeping figure next to me. His arm, was splayed across my bare chest, as if to protect me. Carefully, very carefully I maneuvered out of bed. From the dim moonlight coming through the window, I could just make out clothes strewn about the floor. Evidence of the previous hours frenzied activity. I felt around blindly, until my hands closed around my underwear and bra, laying together in a heap. Next, I located my shirt, a black long sleeve, and then finally my shorts and sweatshirt. I dressed quietly, in hopes not to wake him. We were on the first story, I knew that at least. Luckily, the window was open. Through it, passed a cool spring breeze. I shivered, nonetheless. I swung my legs over the ledge of the windowsill. But before I slipped out onto the ground, I took one last look at him. He was beautiful, with the moonlight passing over his face. He looked like a god, of some kind. The kind present in fairytales, he looked unreal. I commanded myself, to leave.

When my feet hit the ground, I collapsed. My legs, felt unwilling to move. Whatever we had done, had been good. For some reason, only vague details of the night before came to me, and they were lined in fuzziness. As if I was recalling years ago, and not simply hours. I sighed, I knew it was a long walk home, but hopefully I had enough time before my parents woke up, and realized I was not safe and sound in my bed. My heart raced and stomach churned at the thought. I picked up the pace.

As I walked, I tried to calm my jangling nerves. For all I knew, this was all just a dream, and I would wake up in my own bed, wrapped in my own white, warm beautiful plush blanket. Everything would be okay, in my mind anyway. I knew however, I wasn't dreaming. The april breeze against my face, and the uneven sidewalk beneath my feet, cemented this knowledge. I reached for my phone in my jacket pocket, and sighed remembering I'd left it at my own house.

So I'd known what I was doing. Almost three miles later, I arrived at my own house. Just as the sun was making it's way over the horizon. There was no signs of life through the windows, and I thanked God, that my family were still blissfully sleeping. With the ease of years of experience, I climbed up into the tree along the side of the house. At the top, I came face to face with my bedroom window. From where I was sitting in the tree, I could reach and touch the roof. I made my way onto the mostly flat roof, taking great care to make as little noise as possible. I moved silently for a few feet Until I was up against my bedroom window. I had left it slightly cracked the night before, I gently pressed it open. It made no sound. Then, I slipped in. Safe, at last.

Despite the fact that I had been asleep for a few hours, I was raked with exhaustion. My eyelids drooped, and my whole body felt tired. I stripped down to my undergarments and collapsed into bed. On an instant, I slipped into blissful sleep.

Since it was a saturday, I snoozed my alarm clock three times before I dragged my heavy bones out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom, still bleary eyed. I had a raging headache, that I had no doubt was caused by too much blue raspberry vodka. Infact, I could practically still smell it. Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror I drew back. My normally straightened hair was plastered to my face with sweat. The contrast of my light hair and my white skin looked more striking today. I rubbed my eyes. Mascara was still clumped onto my eyelashes. It was when I pulled off my shirt, also stuck to my body. That I saw the hickeys that littered my breasts and neck. I choked on my inhale.

"Shit." I murmured. On the bright side, I could cover most of the visible ones with concealer. I stripped off the rest of my clothes, and wrenched on the shower. I spent a good thirty minutes in there, carefully cleansing every single square inch of my body. Stepping from the shower, I looked like myself again. I sure as shit didn't feel like me though. Washing my face in the bathroom mirror, I wondered what I was doing. Still wrapped in my pale plush bath towel, I grabbed my clothes in effort to clear them from the bathroom. From my sweatshirt pocket slipped a cigarette. My last one, from a pack I'd bought a week ago. I bent to pick it up. What's one more? I asked myself.