TWO FACED

16 - THE COMPLEX FEELINGS

      xaver turned abruptly at the sound of the voice, his heart sinking when he saw julliette walking towards him. seeing her didn't improve his mood; in fact, it only served to remind him of their last heated encounter. the irritation from her earlier accusations and presumptions still lingered.

      "julliette," he said curtly, his voice edged with annoyance. he bent down, petting the calico cat one last time, finding brief solace in her soft fur. "what are you doing here?"

      julliette's expression was a mix of concern and hesitation. "i could ask you the same thing. are you okay?"

      xaver straightened, his jaw tightening. "just needed some fresh air," he replied, his tone clipped. "look, i'm not really in the mood for company especially coming from you."

      julliette took a step closer, undeterred. "i wanted to apologize for what i said earlier, back at the firm. i didn't mean to—"

      xaver cut her off, his eyes flashing with anger. "you apologize so easily, julliette," he said, his voice cold. "it's like it doesn't mean anything to you."

      julliette's face fell, hurt flashing in her eyes. "that's not fair, xaver. i was scared and confused. i didn't understand what was happening."

      xaver clenched his fists as he stood with his back to julliette, the weight of his anger and frustration almost too much to bear. he took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but when he turned around to face her, the emotions spilled out despite his efforts to keep them in check.

      "do you know what really pisses me off, julliette?" he began, his voice soft but laced with bitterness. "from day one, you've treated me like the bad guy. like i'm some sort of monster."

      julliette's eyes widened in surprise and confusion. "xaver, i never—"

      he cut her off, raising a hand to stop her. "no, let me finish. you've seen the cases i've been involved in. you know the people i've had to take down. and yet, every single time, you look at me like i'm no better than they are."

      julliette opened her mouth to protest, but xaver continued, his voice gaining intensity. "the people i've killed, the ones you keep questioning me about—they were the worst of the worst. human traffickers, murderers, people who did the shittiest things possible. they didn't deserve mercy."

      julliette's face softened with understanding, but xaver wasn't done. "you think just because you're legally on the right side, it means you're always morally right. but let me tell you something—just because we don't have a badge or a courtroom behind us doesn't mean we're not fighting for what's right."

      he took a step closer, his gaze piercing. "we may not be official, we may not have the law backing us, but that doesn't mean we don't stand for justice. we've saved countless lives, taken down threats that you and your colleagues wouldn't even touch. so don't you dare stand there and judge me like you know what it's like."

      julliette  stood her ground. "xaver, i never wanted to judge you. i just wanted to understand."

      xaver shook his head, the anger bubbling up inside him. "you act like you know everything that's going on, like you have the right to judge my actions. but you don't know the half of it."

      julliette reached out, trying to touch his arm, but he pulled away, the distance between them growing. "i just want to understand, xaver. help me understand."

      xaver let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "it's not that simple. and right now, i don't have the energy to explain it to you."

      he walked past her, his strides purposeful and filled with frustration. julliette called after him, her voice tinged with desperation. "please, xaver. i'm sorry. i really am."

      xaver paused for a moment, his back to her, his shoulders tense. "words are easy, julliette. actions are what matter," he said without turning around, his voice resigned. "and right now, i need to be alone."

      without another word, he continued walking, leaving julliette standing there, the weight of his words hanging heavily in the air. as he disappeared into the shadows of the park, she watched him go, a mixture of regret and determination etched on her face. xaver's heart ached with the conflicting emotions swirling inside him, but he knew he needed time and space to sort through the chaos in his mind.

      julliette watched xaver disappear into the shadows, her heart heavy with regret and a confusing mix of emotions. she felt rooted to the spot, her mind replaying their conversation over and over. slowly, she sank onto a nearby bench, the weight of her thoughts pressing down on her.

      she had always prided herself on her ability to see things clearly, to make judgments based on evidence and logic. but tonight, xaver had shattered that certainty. his words had struck deep, revealing a side of him she had never fully understood, or perhaps had refused to see.

      as the tears began to flow, julliette buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with quiet sobs. it wasn't just the guilt of having hurt xaver that overwhelmed her, but the realization of how wrong she had been about him. he had always been there for her, in ways she had taken for granted or misunderstood.

      she remembered the time he had helped her shop when his mother was busy, his presence a quiet comfort as he carried bags and offered opinions with a patience that belied his tough exterior. she had seen him as nothing more than a helpful yet annoying neighbor, never considering the depth of his kindness or the reasons behind it.

      and then there was the firm. the memory of that day was still fresh, the chaos and fear etched into her mind. xaver had risked everything to save her, pulling her to safety without a second thought. he could have left her to fend for herself, but he hadn't. he had chosen to protect her, even when it meant putting himself in greater danger.

      julliette's sobs grew louder, the sound echoing through the empty park. she felt a deep, aching need to make things right, to show xaver that she saw him for who he truly was. 'but how could she bridge the gap she had created between them with her words and judgments? '

      the more she thought about it, the more she realized that xaver wasn't just some vigilante operating outside the law. he was a man driven by a fierce sense of justice, willing to do whatever it took to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. and in his own way, he had been protecting her all along.

      julliette wiped her tears with the back of her hand, her resolve hardening. she might not be able to undo the past, but she could change her approach moving forward. she could make an effort to understand his world, to see the shades of gray that he navigated so expertly.

      her sobs subsided, leaving her with a sense of clarity. julliette stood up from the bench, taking a deep breath. 

      as she walked out of the park, julliette felt a new sense of purpose. she would talk to xaver again, and this time, she would listen—not as an investigator, but as someone who understood the complexities of the human heart. and maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to help him carry the burdens he had borne alone for so long.