Chapter 36

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Nang ipakilala ni Mama sa akin ang pinakasalan niya, wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang tumango at magpakilala. Hindi ako hadlang kay Mama sa pag-aasawa niya ulit.

I never even thought about it. Papa's sudden death didn't feel real to me. I don't think I've ever grieved for him properly. Hindi katulad ni Mama na grabe ang pagdurusa ngunit sa likod noon, pinili niyang tumayo at magpatuloy.

Kaya nang magpakasal siya, wala akong sinabing makakasakit sa kaniya. I should have felt betrayed, but I didn't. In fact, I was happy for her. I was happy that she finally found someone who could make her happy. Dahil wala naman siyang aasahan sa akin bilang anak niya. 

Nang dumating ako sa mansiyon ng mga Griego, isa lang ang nasa isip ko noon. Paano ako makikisama sa bagong pamilya ni Mama? I accepted that my mother married someone after my father. Ngunit mukhang hindi ko kailanman tinanggap ang bago niyang pamilya. I used to be her only child. Kaya ang malaman na may anak ang asawa niya, hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. 

When I met Angelus, I didn't like him. I thought it was biased hate because he's the son of my mother's husband. Ngunit pinatunayan niyang dapat ko lang talaga siyang ayawan. He's a two-faced asshole. He's manipulative, and he likes controlling me for unknown reasons. 

We decided to rebuild our relationship for the sake of our parents. Kahit na ayaw ko, pumayag ako dahil gusto kong sumaya si Mama. Kaya bakit nahantong sa ganito? 

I said I'd immediately cut our deal if he did something weird. But why did I find myself getting along with his weird ideas? Is it because of Ristan? No. If it was, I wouldn't find it hard right now to avoid him.

The truth is, I really hate him. Every time I see him, I feel so irritated. But a part of me yearns for him. He's an eyesore, but I feel safe when he's around. Does that make sense? I got upset when someone showed interest in him. Hindi ba ang ibig-sabihin noon ay gusto ko siya? 

I closed my eyes and sighed. Hindi na mahalaga kung gusto ko nga ba siya o hindi. I have no idea what he wants from me. Why is he possessive of me? Why is he controlling me? Bakit ayaw niya akong paalisin sa mansiyon na ito? I don't want to think that he likes me. That's absurd. He can have all the beautiful women in this world; why would he like someone like me?

At kung gusto niya nga ako, hindi niya ako tatratuhin ng ganito. If you like someone, you will respect them. You will listen to them. Angelus never respected me. He violated my boundaries, crossed the line, and did whatever he wanted without listening to what I truly wanted.

I am nothing but his plaything. He probably finds me interesting because I'm something forbidden. He likes the thrill he feels because I am his father's wife's daughter. He just wants to have fun. 

𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐒𝐤𝐲 ✓Tahanan ng mga kuwento. Tumuklas ngayon