A Thousand Times Enough

* Chapter 44 *

XLIV. • °

Josie Pov

I began sorting books and placing them in their respective categories. We had gotten a few customers come in Tales but nothing that was hectic.

Just like other times, it was just Silas and I, not that I had any issue with it just being us but I wondered why. I knew that this wasn't a normal functioning store and as I began to put pieces together I realized maybe that's what he was worried about.

Not having anybody to work or those who he had maybe quit and everything was left up to him. I knew how stressful that could be, I remember how Dave would tell me how it would crush him if Blazing Burgers had closed.

Blazing burgers...it had been a while since I had even thought about that place everything that had picked at my anxiety I pushed it to the back of my mind.

I was getting better at it, I was trying harder at it. I didn't want to let it consume me, but it was still hard not to think about things especially when I'm an overthinker and my mind never stops.

Even though I was upset at Dave and at everyone when I lost my job, I hoped they were all doing okay. Including Andrea and Jackson, if I was going to move on in life after graduation then I had to acknowledge those that hurt me.

But there was one person that I wasn't ready to forgive or acknowledge, assuming if they were even still alive. And that thought still scared me more than anything.

God, I missed my mother so badly. I would give anything to hear her voice one last time even if I knew that was the last time I would hear it forever. I would cherish it more than anything, I would give anything to go back.

I wasn't over her death, far from it. She never had the justice that she deserved and it would never settle right within me. Maybe that's why it haunted me after all these years.

That's why it scared me so much to think that I possibly lost another parent, even though I had lost him years prior mentally. But he was the most special person in my life.

I couldn't fathom losing him before and I didn't want him to resort to nothing and to give up when he had so much left to fight for. And so I didn't know what I wanted, good news or bad news. Maybe nothing.

Because a part of me knows I couldn't live with knowing he was still alive after all this time and he was nowhere to be found.

I had to move on, and with Silas, I felt that it would be possible to do that. I knew that I would be stuck in Orlando, and if he had decided to stay then things would flourish between us. If he had decided to leave...well, I wondered what would happen. I don't want to lose him.

I wanted to talk to him and ask him what we were to each other, it was clear that he hadn't...asked for anything more. By more I meant for me to be his girlfriend, I hoped he didn't second guess wanting to be with me.

But I couldn't help but think what was taking so long? We had been back from the trip, and we had spent time with each other and we had already been intimate. Would he ask me to prom? Or maybe I was rushing things.

I told myself to be patient, I trusted him.

It was clear he had a lot on his plate, nothing that I wanted to pry too much on. I figured that his dad being back has a lot to do with that. He never went into detail about him, or his family for that matter. Only Eva. But whenever he was ready, I would be here. And I would listen to everything like he did for me.