But Home is Nowhere

Chapter 4

You woke up to the feeling of sunlight on your face. The windows high along the tops of the walls of your bedroom allowed the light to pour in, cascading down the sheer fabric that draped alongside the bedposts. A breeze from the open-air bathing chamber flitted in and ruffled your matted hair. Last night's dream had been intense and different from the images that haunted you most nights. Instead of simply reliving your week of intense interrogation by Azriel, last night you bore witness to...

'Damn it, why can't I remember now.' Flashes of images leaked from your memory, only the essence of fear and longing remained. You brought your hand up to rub at your temples, a headache beginning to take root. When your hand placed itself back on your hip it didn't find it. No, it found itself on top of another hand that was larger than yours. As your brain focused through the fog of the sleep tonic you realized something was pressed against your frame. Not something, someone. That wasn't an outside breeze that brushed past you, but the warm breath of another person. You craned your neck around, careful not to jostle the body curling around yours. Your eyes caught sight of the shining red strands and you relaxed just a bit to see that it was Lucien in the bed with you. You relaxed even further when you noticed he lay on top of the covers while you were underneath. You weren't sure how you would have reacted had there been less of a barrier between you two. Reflexively his hold moved from your hips, his arm wrapping around your waist and tightened, pulling you closer. You were surprised that his arm fit around you; his fingers curling in when they couldn't find space on your opposite side with your body pressed against the mattress. Still you shifted slightly so that the flab of your stomach didn't spread too far out in front of you. Or at least that was what you hoped.

It had been a long time since another person slept next to you. You had been too embarrassed and ashamed of your body to really let anyone else see or touch you. Logically you knew that you had a healthy body overall, but that didn't stop the comparisons your mind made when you looked at celebrities or your friends. You always were the largest in your friend group, and sometimes-most times- the knowledge of that drained your self-esteem. You exercised and ate...well your eating habits could probably do with some improvement if you were honest. Your job kept you running around town for various meetings with clients or on phone call conferences all day, and your nights were spent pouring over books and online articles for your dissertation research. Quick and fast meals had become your go to over the past year prior to your arrival in Prythian. And more pounds than you would care to admit accompanied.

A soft sleep filled hum from the male next to you brought your lingering thoughts to a standstill. You didn't remember much from the night before, only being awake long enough for the bath. The sleeping tonic had worked incredibly fast. You had drunk the ounce as if it was a damn shot of alcohol, not bothering to dilute it with water as Lucien instructed. You felt bad that Lucien had to watch over you due to your nightmares, and you couldn't help but wonder when he decided that lying next to you was the solution.

'Then again, he could just be tired of sleeping on the couch.' But, you couldn't deny that you felt more at peace being held by him. His breath tickled your skin, his inhales evenly measured in a steady beat. You lay beside him for a few minutes longer, not really wanting to leave the comfort of the bed. Sadly, your body couldn't allow itself to remain still for too long once it was awake. You found yourself having to stop the subconscious wiggling of your toes before the energy expanded to your entire foot. The jostling surely would wake the male and you wanted to allow him to sleep as much as possible. So, you decided you would just get ready for the day.

The sun was surprisingly high in the sky, marking the first day that you had slept in since your arrival to this new reality. You maneuvered yourself out of Lucien's hold, careful not to wake him, before softly walking over to the bathroom. You glanced at yourself in the mirror and were horrified at the image that reflected back. Craning your face close to the mirror-your glasses left on the night stand next to the bed-your appearance came into better focus. You looked at your red rimmed eyes as they sat sunken in above dark blue half circles. Sleep crusted in their corners before giving way to the dried-up streams of your tears. Your disheveled hair still clung to your face, the shorter parts sticking up at odd angles. Your eyes roamed over the long scratch marks that littered your neck and clavicle, even going as far down as your cleavage. The darkness of the thin pajama top brightening each of the red lines. Dread pooled into your stomach. What happened in your dream to merit such an attack on yourself? Which was something that you had never done before. Your fingers reached up to trace alongside what effectively looked like claw marks, and you winced at the tenderness of the skin.