But Home is Nowhere

Chapter 5

Feyre and Nyx spent two weeks at the Moonstone Palace with you and those from Midgard. With her there to oversee things, she had sent Lucien back to the Spring Court and Mortal lands to resume his emissary duties. And after your little spat with him, he was all too quick to leave.

"What the fuck Lucien?!" You didn't give him a chance to breathe after shutting the door to your room that night. You watched as his full lips opened to protest, but you weren't going to let him. The sting of a betrayal from his lack of confidence in you hurt too much. "First you tell people my personal matters without my permission, then scold me like a child!" The argument had been brewing in you all afternoon. The way he spoke to you, spoke about you, in front of the others had your blood boiling. Did he think that you were a child in need of being reprimanded for speaking out of turn? All you did was point out what that fucktard-

"(Y/N) it wasn't-," He followed you into the room.

"I understand informing the healers about my nightmares, but everyone else?" You skirted away from him. You were too pissed off to want to be near him right now. "They are strangers to me, Lu!" You continued to rant, not paying attention to his attempts to speak.

"I am aware of that, but-"

"Are you aware? I am a grown woman, and yet you treated me as if I were some fragile child," You felt the tears sting your eyes, "Is that what I am to you? I'll have you know I don't need to be coddled."

"Of course, not-" He reached out towards you.

"And I wasn't threatening Bryce. I didn't do anything wrong by pointing out the fact that Rhysand nearly killed me due to my lack of knowledge about her." You began to pace along the side of the bed.

"No one is saying you did," He took a few steps closer.

"Then why speak to me that way? As if what I said was not supposed to be mentioned," You whirled towards him.

"(Y/N), can you please let me explain?" He grabbed your elbow in an effort to get you to stop your pacing. But neither your nightmares nor Bryce were the real issues that plagued your racing thoughts. The male before you had violated your trust in the one way that you feared the most.

"You let him into my room Lucien!" You pulled out of his grasp, your voice cracking with the pained revelation. "The one person that I can't feel safe around. You let him in! You let him see how weak he has made me! I don't need others knowing...I don't want others knowing..." You had just barely gotten used to the idea of Lucien seeing you in such a vulnerable state. The thought of others knowing how broken Azriel made you...

"You know what, I should just take care of myself from now on," You weren't even convinced by your own words as you quickly brushed away the tears before they had a chance to fall.

"I am just trying to help," He raised his hands in a form of surrender. "They need to see your pain."

"My pain?" Something in your chest twisted and cracked. "What do you know of my pain?" Hot rage filled tears broke free and streamed freely down your cheeks.

"(Y/N)," Lucien's deep timbre was like a caress, one that was desperate to get you to understand. "Feyre and the others...They need to know the extent of what has been done to you."

"My pain is not yours to exploit!" You didn't want to understand. You wanted to be angry. Anger filled you with a fire that allowed you to hide the hurt and fear.

"Exploit?" He dared to look personally offended. "Do you...I don't want to help you-" Your mind, a whirlwind of rage, had it been in a better state would have let him finish his sentence.