But Home is Nowhere

Chapter 10

As soon as Lucien and you returned, the High Lord called for you. You had little choice in being able to stall until the morning, hoping for at least one more night of peace. Especially since Rhysand came to learn of the requirement for your future trips through a letter Helion sent prior to your return. Not surprisingly the High Lord of Night was less than thrilled about being told what to do with his emissary.

In wanting to keep peaceful relations he agreed to Helion's terms; however, Rhysand had his own requirement that your trips not interfere with your or Lucien's respective duties. Lucien would accompany you, but only after being called to the Night Court on official business. Meaning he would be returning to his home with Vassa and Jurian and only come to the Night Court to provide updates on his dealings with Autumn, Spring, and the Mortal Lands.

You recognized you had no choice but to agree to the terms. You did your best to suppress the breaking of your heart. While you felt sadness, you could tell that Lucien was pissed by the feathering muscles in his jaw. That walk back to the townhouse had been uncomfortably quiet. Your agreement for no physical contact made it feel all the more strained. Understandably so, given that Rhysand's order essentially meant that the only way for you to see and spend any time with Lucien for the foreseeable future would be your trips to the Day Court. You wondered if this was your punishment for Helion sending Mor back early. Needless to say, you were glad that the two of you spent your last hours in the day court soaking up physical contact preparing for your return.

The trip to the Day Court had been just the thing you needed to revitalize your spirit. Or at least it would have been if your dynamic with Lucien didn't have to change. So, when you and Lucien arrived back at the townhouse that night, he had immediately asked to speak to Ruhn, alone, and the two excused themselves to talk in the back garden.

You went upstairs and opened your window in the hopes of eavesdropping, but all you could hear was the chirping of crickets. You assumed Lucien was asking Ruhn to keep an eye on you as he had suggested before you left Day. What you really wanted to know was the explanation he was providing to the dark-haired male. Would he tell him about how you both decided you needed space after waking up naked together? Would he say that it was a mutual decision he would no longer share your bed? Or was he going to tell him about Rhysand's new declaration in response to Helion allowing you to come and go from the Day Court?

What would Ruhn's response be? You had a feeling deep in your gut that he would help in whatever manner was needed. But what would that mean for your friendship? You felt like all you did was take, dependent upon the generosity of others just to function daily. You weren't used to it; you were used to being the one that others depended on. If Ruhn agreed to stay, you would have to be better about reciprocating his kindness.

You held your breath and leaned forward on the window ledge. You could see the two males at the far end of the garden, swathed in the moon's soft glow. And while it looked like they were speaking, you didn't hear either of their voices. Giving up on being able to hear the discussion, you decided to take a bath and prepare for bed.

Soaking in the warmth of the scalding water you let your mind wander. You tried not to think about the stress that surrounded your sleeping patterns. But gods, were you tired. Tired of nightmares and vivid dreams. Tired of the pity on the faces of others when they saw the bags under your eyes. You were just plain tired. Which led to you feeling guilty, yet also relieved, that Helion had agreed to help.

"Of course, I will speak to Thesan," the High Lord smiled. "Anything for my new friend; and since we are friends, I do hope that you come and visit me often. I don't want that room going to waste. It belongs to the two of you now." You felt Lucien tense at the words.