DREAM OF DEATH

DREAM OF DEATH (TWILIGHT)

I enter my home carefully, to not cause any sound but light suddenly turns on and I see mom sitting on the sofa, waiting for me. I fake faint smile and try to walk properly so she can't notice anything.

Usually you aren't this late,did something happen? She asks with worrying tone and I tighten the fist to stop myself from crying.  No matter how old we're, how strong and independent, still.when someone or something hurts us ,parents and especially mom's warm lap always stays the safest place we can find relief, mommy I wanna share my pain,I wanna scream, so but.....................

No ,everything is ok, I spent some time with my friends, I'm going to take shower now you can sleep.

You look pale and exhausted, please take a good rest son. She pets my shoulder and walks in bedroom, I drag myself to bathroom and quickly removes clothes, throwing everything in trash can, touched by his dirty hands, wearing his scent, I don't want anything connected to him , but.......what about my body? Can I throw it away too? Standing in front of the mirror I watched myself and can see nothing more but dirtiness, my nipples're still stiff and swollen,  whole neck, chest and things are full of hickies, red by all rough rubbing ruin...... I'm ruined, still felling his skin in my nails I internally scream and hit mirror with my fist, not minding the blood I turn on the shower and scrubb my body like possessed until it starts to ache, but I know it won't change anything memories.......it still remains.

Falling down I hug my knees and realize what makes me the most crazy. Being raped it always destroys your body and psyche but there is something more......when this act gives you the pleasure.  It makes you hate not only rapist but yourself too. You feel like someone lewd and abnormal.

Every sound of my moans, every hungry touch left on his body by me,the mocking, dirty calls from those rich bastards while leaving that mansion, everything I can feel and hear clearly.