A Beautiful World

Part 1

TWs
Smoking
Hallucinations
Schizophrenia (no shit)
Strong Language
Voices
Medication
Paranoia (Persecutory and Food Paranoia)
Delusions (Persecution Delusions and Delusional Jealousy)

(2204 words)

The smell of second-hand smoke flooded my nostrils as I combed through the thick dark brown hair I held in my left hand. I watched the bright screen in a room full of darkness, a video on how to straighten your hair.

It was my first day of school for eleventh grade, and I had been getting ready for the past hour. As a girl, getting ready in the morning was one of the most difficult things you could do, especially when trying to look nice.

"Why do you put so much effort into looking presentable?" Diana asked from the corner of the bathroom, her arms crossed on her chest, acting somewhat annoyed. Diana was a visionary hallucination of mine; I was the only person who could see and hear her. She sees me as a friend, I see her as an annoyance. I did not respond to her foolish question.

Diana was always with me. Every second of the day. She could be in the corner, in my bed, by my side, or somewhere else in the vicinity I am in. She was like a symptom of schizophrenia. She gave off paranoia and delusions.

Another hallucination I had was Chloe. Chloe was like your hypersexual best friend who will never let you look at someone the same after talking to her. I always ignored her, just hoping that I could have a break from an inappropriate thought about any of my teachers or classmates. She wouldn't appear that much throughout the day, and you have no idea how grateful I am for that.

I would also have hallucinations other than people too. I tend to see, and I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I see frogs. I see South American Horned Frogs. That was my most common hallucination other than Diana, and I don't know why. They tend to show up when I am feeling nervous, when I am in a state of confusion or stress that nobody can help with.

Another voice would tend to visit me when I feel scared or anxious. I couldn't see it, so it was just an auditory hallucination. It was a low masculine voice, like one that you would hear with a voice changer.

Four months ago, I was diagnosed with early onset schizophrenia at the age of just sixteen. I have had symptoms for much longer though, probably for about nine months,

I told no one. Not a single soul. I wanted to keep it that way.

I felt like if I told anyone, I would be seen differently, even by my best friends. Nobody in my family had schizophrenia, I wasn't abusing any substances, I never had any previous mental illnesses, I don't think I had serious childhood trauma, I never injured my head, so I wondered how I could have gotten schizophrenia.

I only had one thing that helped me cope. Writing. When I am writing, it's as if everything just goes quiet, like I am finally in control.

"Are you ready?" My mom asked as she walked into my bathroom. I gasped, burning my ear with the flat iron.

"Jesús, mamá." I growled, placing the iron on the counter. I look in the mirror and notice that Diana is gone.

"Sorry mi amor. Are you almost ready for school?" she asked, shoving her cigarette in the ashtray that sat beside my beauty blender. I stood there, confused, wondering why she would be asking me that at seven in the morning.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, looking at the alarm clock on the counter right next to the sink.

"Marlena, it's eight." She told me, pulling her phone out from her pocket and facing it to me. 8:01. Shit! I ran out of the bathroom, trying not to bump into my mom. I pulled up my flared jeans, I place on my red tank top, I put on all of my jewelry and my shoes, I made sure I did everything else, and I ran out of the front door.