A Beautiful World

Part 2

TWs

Delusional Jealousy

Medication

Persecution Paranoia

Schizophrenia

Strong Language

(1117 words)

Lunch was over, and I was now heading back to the class I was going to be spending all day in, and have been. I said my farewells to my friends but could not get the thought of Lucia out of my head. I didn't know why. Everyone seemed to like her, she acted normally and friendly, so why was I so upset by her presence?

Nothing much was happening in this room. I was just sitting silently, dozing off while the teacher was discussing what kind of projects we will be doing this year.

Disrupted from nothing, the phone rings out of nowhere, causing all of my attention to it. I hope, for some strange reason, that the cops were calling, letting us know that we must evacuate the building because sixth period was too boring for Marlena Santiago.

"Marlena, go to the office, your mom is picking you up." My teacher, Mrs. McAuliffe said from across the room, looking straight into my eyes as the phone rested on her chest. A warm feeling rushed through my body, unable to express how incredibly happy I was.

With all the energy in my body – and to let you know, I didn't have much – I ran out of that classroom and to my locker as if I was being chased by the police.

I walk into the office, greeted by my mothers tired face attached to her body. She was sitting in a chair in the corner of the office, and it reminded me of myself in that dreadful classroom. She stood up, giving me a hug with a warm smile, and saying goodbye to the emotionless woman who sat on the other side of the desk on the side of the room.

"Why are you picking me up?" I ask, getting into the car and clicking in my seatbelt.

"You have a doctor's appointment with Ms. Barlowe in twenty minutes. I tried rescheduling it another day but this was the only time she was available." My mom told me, driving out of the school parking lot.

Ms. Barlowe, who I actually call Danielle, is and has been my therapist for one long year. I have been talking with her even before I was diagnosed with this sick disease by my psychiatrist.

Considering I don't have many, I see Danielle as my friend. Obviously because she is somebody I can talk to, but she also listens to me like a friend does, not like an adult does.

I wonder why I can't see Penny the same way.

I walk into Danielle's office, sitting down on the couch that buries my body in its thick cushions.

"So, how was your day?" She asks me, picking up a clipboard with a thin sheet of paper attached to it.

"I met a girl today, Lucia. I'm not sure if I like her. But like, I don't really know why I don't like her. I barely talked to her during lunch today, I've never spoken to her before that, and she seems really nice. I guess I'm just annoyed that my friends are talking to someone else other than me. Am I jealous?" I told her at a quick pace, trying not to just talk too much where I am not thinking before I speak.

"Delusional jealousy is a symptom of schizophrenia. You could also just be paranoid. It will pass."

"No schizophrenia stuff please, I just wanna talk as if I don't have it." I say in a firm tone. She smiles and nods, scribbling a few words down on the sheet of paper.

"You could just be jealous since she is new. I have a lot of other kids dealing with these kinds of friendship dramas, it is quite common. But do you still talk to Penny and Maya?" She asked.

"Yeah, I do, but I feel like they are just talking to Lucia a lot more. I wish I could learn to like her.

I'm gonna skip a bit of conversation

"So, tell me about how your new meds are, do they work?" She asked. I sat there, confused.

"What new meds?"

"Oh sorry, I thought they were delivered to your house a couple of weeks ago. But we do not have to focus on that right now. How are your current meds working? Have you had any hallucinations?"

I stayed quiet for only a few seconds. "No." I told her, not wanting to go into deep conversation about the silly things I see throughout my day. I want her to think I am getting better. As much as I love Danielle, I really hoped that I didn't need therapy.

"That's great news.

I am skipping therapy fuck this

"She mentioned something about my new meds? Am I getting new meds?" I ask, walking into the house through the front door.

"Hunny you've been on them for a week now." She told me, placing her car keys on the dining room table.

"When the hell did that happen?" I smiled, trying to make a joke of it. Did I really not remember or is my mom just joking with me?

"Language, mija."

"I thought I was still on paliperidone." I told her, placing my shoes in the cubbies beside the door, making sure they were put away neatly.

"You told me that it made your stomach hurt, you felt lightheaded. I told your psychiatrist what you were telling me, so we discussed a new med."

Name any schizophrenia medication cocktail, and I have tried it. 80% of them I have been on for at least two weeks.

"I've never heard of it before." I spoke.

"It's new apparently, they say it works better than most but not a lot of people are trying it." She told me.

"So what, I'm like a medication guinea pig?"

"That's ridiculous."

"Do we know what it will do to me? What if my hair falls out? What if my skin turns purple? What if it's poison?"

"Who would want to poison you?" She scoffed, walking into the kitchen to make dinner.

I walk up to my bedroom and sit at my desk, quickly going onto my computer to search something up.

I looked at the common side effects of phenothiazines. Blurred vision. Changes in menstrual period. Muscle stiffness. And my personal favorite, anal leakage. I can't write because of the stupid meds. I can barely draw straight because my hand has a mind of its own. But if anything comes out of my ass, please just kill me.

this was such a shit chapter

my mind was not minding when writing this