All's Fair In Love And Lesbian Poetry

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TW: alcohol, self harm, suicide

You monster
You beast
You self mutilating
I hate you
Disgusting
Cut up like
Meat on a stick
Fattened and primed
Topped with a squeeze of lime

Go on
Take out your blade
Hurt yourself
Bleed yourself
Hide yourself away
Rid yourself of the pain

Bring it across your tensed arms
Slice hard
Again
Deeper
Again
See the skin
Again
Getting under it now
Again
It's bleeding more
Again
Again
Again
And the blood is pooling
Again
Now the yellow fatty layer is protruding
Through, again
Oops I think I hit a vein
Again
Daddy
I think I'm going insane

Cry to my husband
I'm sorry I can't text right now
My right hand
Is stopping me from bleeding out

Seventy pills
Count again
I've found some more it's eighty now
Let me die god, please make that vow
I promise I'll be good in heaven
I pray, don't let me get past seven

Take that bottle
Of old stolen rum
Learn to love the taste of it dripping down your throat
We're past the point of bottled love now
It's minty lemonade
Because the vodka was far too good to waste

The bottle
Don't bother smother it
Run through the kitchen draws
Find something heavy and use blunt force
Take the shards and burrow them deep
You're not weird, you're just a freak

Maybe it would be better
To light myself on fire
I'm going to burn in hell anyway
So what's the point in waiting another day?

Take out the cheap stained white lighter
Don't use it to see, close your eyes tighter
Actually nevermind I'd like to see
How close I can get my flame
Before I give up and allow it to wane

Hold it down close, let it burn
Don't ever move, let your stomach churn
It licks your skin, swallows you in
As long as you don't run out of gas to fill it with

Take the pretty white pills
Intentional overdose but I'm still not ill
Enough for you to actually help
Just make fun of me, laugh at my yelps
Point your fingers at the cuts on my arm
Make jokes about me, it's not going to cause any harm
Whisper in my ears how to make my mark making worse
Let me go the next day, away in my hearse

Context: wow, you found this one. It encapsulates my rage when I found some forums that had called self harm, "self mutilation".

However there's also a bit more. In the 4th stanza, the "husband" is that best friend in Change Of Face who I would speak to every night however that night I couldn't because I had taken it too far. The one after is about a really extreme suicide attempt and the two after is about smashing up a glass bottle to cut myself with.

Finally the last stanza is about how I've been mocked and laughed at by many mental health professionals including nurses and paramedics due to what I've done to myself, including scars, suicide, and other self harm.